Tripping the Rift: Transcripts:
Bob's Opening Line- [ fart ] It wasn't me.
Bob's Opening Line: Guys, either Bobo's on the screen, or we just ran over shields and yarnell!
Bobo's Ship - Bobo is watching TV
Bobo: "Elimi-mate," my favorite.
Male Contestant: All right, Nicole... are you looking for a boyfriend, or just a good time?
Nicole: Definitely a boyfriend!
Male Contestant: Wrong answer.
He shoots Nicloe
Male Contestant: Amanda, same question.
Bobo: laughs riotously Oh, yeah...
Bobo: If only we'd met on a dating show... what?
Bernice: What the hell is this?
Bob's Opening Line- Start the e-mail campaign now!
Chode- Ooooh. I've got the mother of all hangovers.
Bob- Then I must have the father.
Chode- That bourbon we drank last night stunk. It tasted like antifreeze.
Bob- It was antifreeze. We've been outta bourbon for two weeks.
T'Nuk- You know what I just realized?!
Chode- What a loud ugly broad you are?
T'Nuk- No ya purple pus bucket. I just realized I haven't had a day off in six months! Well I've had it. I need down time. I need to let loose, I need to feel the wind in my hair!
Chode- Is that the hair on your legs or the hair on your back?
T'Nuk- That does it. As part owner of this ship, I demand you take me to this fabulous club I just read about.
Bob's Opening Line- I've got your dilithium crystals right here!
Bob's Opening Line- Time to have a cow, Chode!
Bob's Opening Line- Who took my Lemoy CD?
Bob's Opening Line- I'm in a happy place. I'm in a happy place.
Bob's Opening Line: We've got a fault in the AU-35-B unit!
Chode- Oooow! Mother fuggin, piece o'... aaaa-a-a-aagh!
Gus- That's it. Perfect. Don't touch it.
Chode- A little help in the lifting department would have been nice.
Gus- You don't pay me that kind of money.
Chode- I don't pay you anything at all. That's the only thing that keeps me from converting you into a set of hubcaps.
Gus- We better get out of here.
Chode- Yeah, beam us up, Six. Six?
Gus- The transporter's broken, that's why we took the shuttle, remember, captain blowhard? Let's go.
Chode- Wait a minute, Gus. Now we can go.
Bob's Opening Line: Lions and Tigers and Bear. Oh My!
Bob's Opening Line: We're past the point of no return!
Whip: Anybody else notice that we keep passing the same stars and planets every 30 seconds? Chode: That's the screensaver, whip.Whip: Oh! Much better!
Billboard - Come to the beginning of time!
Chode: Stop the ship!
Billboard: Time travel! Everyone can do it now. But not everyone can go back to the beginning of time. In fact, no one can. Or should we say, no one could, until today! Reserve a space on our maiden voyage now!
Chode: You know what the best part of being able to go back to the beginning of time means?
Whip: Yeah, not having to remember what you did yesterday.
Bob's Opening Credit Line- No! I'm too young to die!
Chode- Hmm... heh heh!
Six- Ha ha!
Chode: Captain's log, star date somethin' or other... I decided to do some dirty dancing with six. I'm just killing time till the big game starts. But she doesn't know that.
Six- Ahem. I'm right here. I can hear every word.
Chode- For god's sake, stop spying on me, woman! Besides, I would never intentionally be that insensitive and rude! I'm clearly not that type of guy.
[ Siren ]
Chode- The game's starting! The game's starting! The game's starting!
Whip- Agh! Ah! How many was that?
Bob's opening line: Warp drive this you freelnek!
Whip- what you got there, Uncle Chode?
Chode- How'd you like to go on an educational field trip, kid?
Whip- Educational? What am I gonna learn?
Chode- The difference between real jugs and the plastic kind. I'm taking you to the Miss Galaxy 5000 Pageant where yours
Bob's Opening Line- I can't do it!
Bob Opening Line- You're not the boss of me!
Announcer- Next up, watch as Joe Bachelor finally picks his bachelorette and makes his startling confession.
Gus- Oh, please! These shows are insipid. They're all staged! None of this is real!
Chode- Shh-shh! Here it comes.
Gus- Hmm! Hee hee!
Joe- Maureen, I got a confession to make. I'm not a billionaire. I'm actually a dog shampooer and I'm dumb as a box of rocks.
Maureen- That's ok, joe. See, I've got a confession of my own. I'm not really a woman.
Whip- She's got a wiener!
Six- I never saw it coming.
Bob- Neither did he.