Bender describing carnival arcade game to Amy:

c'mon it's just like making love, y'know left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor...

------------------
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

-HHGTTG

You wants quotes? Well I'll gives ya quotes.
More Star Trek quotes than you know what to do with. Enjoy.
"I am constant as the Northern Star." -- Chang over the Enterprise intercom
"I'd give real money if he'd shut up." -- McCoy to Spock (Star Trek VI)

"Guess who's coming to dinner" -- Chekov (Star Trek VI)

"Don't mess around with me or you're through!" -- Naval Commander
"Really? Can I go now?" -- Chekov (Star Trek IV)

"You're not exactly catching us at our best" -- Kirk
"That much is certain" -- Spock (Star Trek IV)

"No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space." -- Kirk (Star Trek IV)

"Well Bones, do the new medical facilities meet with your approval?" -- Kirk
"They do not. It's like working in a damn computer center" -- McCoy (Star Trek: TMP)

"Would you three like to be alone?" -- Troi to Picard and Data when she finds them stroking The Phoenix

"Eaten any good books lately?" -- Q (to Worf) (Deja-Q)

"You're so stolid. You weren't like that before the beard." -- Q (Deja-Q)

"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." -- Captain Picard, quoting Judge Aaron Satie (The Drumhead)

"Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise" -- Cmdr. Riker (Contagion)

"Synthetic Scotch, synthetic Commanders..." -- Captain Scott, Scotty (Relics)

"Rom's an idiot. He couldn't fix a straw if it was bent." -- Odo, to Quark (Babel)

"All I ask is a tall ship, and a load of contraband to fill her with..." -- Quark (Little Green Men)

"You are not in my shoes." -- Worf
"Too bad. You'd be amazed at what I can do in a pair of size 18's." -- Dax (Looking for Par'Mach in All the Wrong Places)

"At ease, Ensign, before you sprain something" -- Janeway (Caretaker)

"Mr. Vulcan, nice to meet you!" -- Neelix (Caretaker)

"Dimissed" -- Janeway
[stands there dumbfounded] "B...but.." -- Neelix
"That's Starfleet for get out" -- Janeway (The Cloud)

"Why pretend we're going home at all when all we're really going to do is investigate every cubic millimter of this quadrant, aren't we?" -- The Doctor (The Cloud)

"Mr. Kim, we're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job" -- Janeway (Deadlock)

"Well Kathryn, you got us home." -- Chakotay
"Right place, wrong time." -- Janeway (Future's End Pt. I)

"Ever since my first day on the job as a Starfleet Captain, I swore I'd never let myself get caught in one of these Godforsaken paradoxes. The past is the future, the future is the past, it all gives me a headache." -- Janeway (Future's End Pt. I)

"Vulcans. Deep down your all just a bunch of hypercondriacs." -- Paris (Future's End Pt. I)

"Tuvok, did anyone ever tell you your a real freakasaurus?" -- Paris (Future's End Pt. II)

"And *you*...Mr. Leisure Suit..." -- Rain Robinson
"There's a name I haven't considered..." -- The Doctor (Future's End Pt. II)

"There's coffee in that nebula!" -- Janeway (The Cloud)

"What are you doing with that dog?" -- Female Q
[Q and Janeway look at the dog in Janeway's lap]
"I'm not talking about the puppy." -- Female Q (The Q and the Gray)

"I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away AS garbage" -- Korax (The Trouble With Tribbles)

"Random chance seems to have operated in our favor" -- Spock
"In plain, non-Vulcan English, we've been lucky" -- McCoy
"I believe I said that, Doctor" -- Spock (The Doomsday Machine)

"Is there anyone on this ship, who even remotely, looks like Satan?" -- Kirk
"I am not aware of anyone who fits that description, Captain" -- Spock
"No, Mr. Spock, I didn't think you would be" -- Kirk (The Apple)

"Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That's the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim." -- Kirk (Elaan of Troyius)

"Does everyone know about this grain but me?" -- Kirk
"Not everyone, Kepten, it's a Russian inwention." -- Checkov (The Trouble With Tribbles)

"Emotional, isn't she?" -- Spock
"She has always been so." -- Sarek
"Indeed. Why did you marry her?" -- Spock
"It seemed the logical thing to do at the time." -- Sarek (Journey To Babel)

"The best diplomat that I know is a fully-loaded phaser bank." -- Lt. Cdr. Montgomery Scott ("A Taste of Armageddon")

"Please, Spock, do me a favor ... 'n' don't say it's `fascinating'..." -- Dr. McCoy
"No... but it is... interesting..." -- Spock (The Ultimate Computer)

"... and tell Doctor McCoy, he should have wished me luck." -- Spock (The Immunity Syndrome)

"Shut-up, Spock! We're rescuing you!" -- McCoy
"Why, thank you, captain McCoy." -- Spock, to McCoy after he tells Kirk something about leaving him (The Immunity Syndrome)

------------------
"Jim, you don't go around asking the Almighty for his I.D.!"
- McCoy (Star Trek V)

Zap- What the hell is that thing?
Kif- That's the mothership, sir.
Zap- Then what did we just blow up?
Kif- The Hubble Telescope.

Oh boy, which of you geezers opened this massive can of worms? I want you to realise that I am a person with 24 hours of Red Dwarf tapes and a lot of time on her hands...

Rimmer: Lister, have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet?

Cat: I like my food to move

Lister: I’m a pantheist, not a smeggin’ frying pantheist

Kryten: No silicon heaven? Then where do all the calculators go?

Polymorph/Rimmer’s mum: The things this boy can do with Alphabetti Spaghetti!

Rimmer: IT’S A SMEGGING GARBAGE POD!

Cat: Hey Monkey, you’re sick. Sick, helpless and unconscious. If you weren’t my friend I’d steal your shoes.

Rimmer: Do you know what they say Canaries stands for? Convict’s Army Nearly All Retarded In-bred Evil Sheep-Shaggers.

Rimmer: Why don’t you smegging well smeg off, you annoying little smeggy, smegging smegger!

Cat: This has been a good day. I’ve eaten five times, I’ve slept six times and I’ve made a lot of things mine. Tomorrow, I’m gonna see if I can’t have sex with something!

Rimmer: I’m going places. Up up up the ziggeraut, lickety-split

Rimmer: I think we’re all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is what are we going to call ourselves? I think it comes down to a choice between The League Against Salivating Monsters, or my personal favourite, the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms, and their Rehabilitation into Society. Just one drawback – the abbreviation is CLITORIS.

Cat: I’m looking for a dream I had last month.
Rimmer: What about?
Cat: Me, three girls and a family-size tub of banana yoghurt.

Kochanski: Do you know what you’re doing?
Lister: Hey…
(Kryten’s head explodes)
Kochanski: I thought you said you knew what you were doing.
Lister: No, I said ‘Hey’. If you’d let me finish the sentence I would have said ‘Hey, no I don’t.’

Lister’s Confidence: Oxygen’s for losers.

Lister: I’m my own father. And Kris is my ex-girlfriend and my mum!
Cat: Bud, you should send this in to Playboy. I’ll bet you any money it’d get published.

Birdman: Pete ate me. He ate me. He must be really out of sorts, he’s never eaten me before.

Lister: I’ve been tongue-hockeyed to death!

Psiren: How long has it been since you’ve made love to a woman?
Lister: I’ll admit it’s been a while.
Psiren: It’s been three million years.
Lister: I prefer to count in ice ages – then it’s only four. In leap ice ages it’s hardly even one.

Rimmer: Lister, is that a cigarette you’re smoking?
Lister: No it’s a chicken

Cat: I’m looking so good today. If I looked any better I’d be illegal.

Holly: The highest form of life is man, and the lowest form of life is a man who has a train set.

Hollister: That’s classified information Karen. Who told you?
Dr Newton: The coffee machine on C deck
Hollister: That coffee machine. I’ll bust its ass down to tampon dispenser.

Cat: I suggest we go all the way to brown alert.
Kryten: There’s no such thing as brown alert.
Cat: You won’t be saying that in a minute. And don’t say I didn’t alert you.

Kochanski: Uh, guys, all the hazard approach lights are on. Although on this ship that can mean anything from we’re under attack to the baked potatoes are burning.

Rimmer: Come on Lister, you’ve dated worse.
Lister: Only due to very poor disco lighting.

Cat: It’s a Cat word. It’s the sound you make when you get your sexual organs trapped in something. Jozxyqk!
Lister: Is it in the dictionary?
Cat: It could be. If you’re reading in the nude and you close the book too fast. Jozxyqk!!

Kochanski: Now I’ve got to deal with a neurotic droid who’s obsessed with my pants drawer.
Kryten: You mean I’m not alone?! Oh, you meant me.

Rimmer: This presented a most enormous moral dilemma. Technically, she would be my sister, and therefore unable to take me as her lover. Finally, after much soul-searching, I reluctantly decided: what the Hell. I just wouldn’t tell her.

Lister: Let’s get out there and twat it!

I hope you're satisfied...

First, I'd like to thank Yvonne McGruder for her thorough(ly hilarious) list. I'd almost forgotten about some of those quotes. Priceless! Second, it was unfortunate that I'd already started reading Ms. McGruder's contribution before I realized that it was probably not the best time to be eating. If you have ever inhaled a grain of rice while trying to swallow and laugh at the same time, you'll know what I mean.

From now on, Yvonne, when I see your name on a post, I'll save it until AFTER my lunch hour. But hey- thanks for the laugh!

Peace-
summerdaysands

CAT after seeing first girl : "I don't know what that was, but it makes me want to do something, alot"

CAT: "All six of my nipples are tingling!"

I feel it is my moral duty to inform you that I have been misrepresented. The only way I am capable of making someone's lunch try to escape through said person's nostrils whilst they're reading my messages (a la summerdaysands)is by plagiarising someone else. In this case, the only way I have achieved hilarity is by quoting His Majesty Doug Naylor, and I do not deserve the credit. However, I get a warm tingly feeling inside when I realise that people out there think that I am funny.

Here are some quotes from my favorite movie series. I think they represent a certain depth that you just don't see in much dialog, these days.

"Da Gungans no liken outsiders." -Jar Jar Binks

"Ooh, big maxie da Force!" -Jar Jar Binks

"Wesa no like da Naboo, and da Naboo to like ussens. Day tink day so smarty den ussens. Day tink day brains so big." -Boss Nass

"Woe grane champio du Pixelito: Sebulba!" -Beed Annodue

"Poodoo!" -Sebulba

"Ayeeeah! Ahha! Utinni! Utinni!" -Dathcha Nkik

"Bah doe! Bah doe!" -Jek Nkik

"Urrrg! Ur ur uur!" -URoRRuR'R'R

"Neggrh ghogola, woldewa?!?" -Ponda Baba

"Oo-ta goo-ta, Solo?" -Greedo

"Jabba wah ning chee kospa. Chas ke nowi yanyi chu chusu." -Greedo

"Cuchlee numaa. Cheska po kuta x'esta klenka, ya ooscka!" -Greedo

"Res luk ra'auf." -Bossk

"E chu ta." -E-3PO

"Ke chu ke kukuta?" -TT-8L-Y7

"Uh, Artoo-Detoowha bo See-Threepiowha ey toota odd mishka Jabba du Hutt." -C-3PO

"Die wenna wanga." -Bib Fortuna

"Die wenna wauaga." -C-3PO

"Ne Jabba no badda, te chaada su goodie." -Bib Fortuna

"Nudd chaa!" -Bib Fortuna

"Bo shuda!" -Jabba the Hutt

"Da eitha!" -Jabba the Hutt

"Na chuba neg'torie, na! Na! Na toota..." -Oola

"Zeebuss." -Boushh

"Uu a'kingsa riika pagh bagla bis kachata, weenow con bantha poodoo." -Jabba the Hutt

"Boscka!" -Jabba the Hutt

I'd just like to give you a hand Dalektek for including all of those quotes in Huttese, and whatever other languages those are .

Cat: I am so gorgeous there's a six-month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear every time I am near.