Babylon 5: The Great 2003 Crazy Captions Competition

Welcome to the
Babylon 5 Crazy Captions Competition

This competition is now closed – It closed on October 31st 2003
Well done Nursewhen, Theresa and zParticle!
See the winner details below

This was a serious bit of fun and open to all.
The winner will recieved a brand-spanking new Babylon 5 DVD Box Set from Warner Bros. online

The winner and two runners-up also received a SadGeezer T-Shirt, SadGeezer Baseball Cap keyring and pen!

Contestants could enter as many captions as they liked (BUT A MAXIMUM OF ONE PER PICTURE). The Competition closed on 31th October 2003. The winner was chosen in the proceedure outlined below.


“Hi Handsome”

“Uhm, how long has your head had Dutch Elm Disease?” FrostGeezer

“So is it true about the size of an aliens Goatee….?” LexxLurker

“So, Susan, what are those two lumpy things on your chest, then?” Shadow

Ivanova: “You’re not pretty, but you’re my kind of not pretty.” Nursewhen

Entranced: “Tell me more about my complexion.” zParticle

Ivanova: “Come on I’ll give you the last dance and we’ll see if we can’t get that look off your face” xoorox

Ivanova (voice low, and breathy): “Trust me, baby… A bag over the head is soooo sexy…” Barbra

“IVANOVA: “Hmmmm…so do you think the bearded look would really suit me?”” Snooklepie

“Nooo, I think the ‘Hair Club For Men’ is a great idea, really. Trust me, it’s just what you need.” Gridsleep

“I hate to tell you this, but you’ve got a bit of spinach stuck in your beard *right* there.” Nimque Elen

“Ivanova: Santa…I told you not to go near those radioactive isotopes.” Renee

“my my my, what big cheeks you have.” Violin


“Ok, Ok, I’ll shave it off!”

“C’mon. You promised we’d play ‘Santa & the Naughty Elf’ tonight.” FrostGeezer

*Delenn tries to stay awake through yet another John Sheridan speech* LexxLurker

*Thought* if he doesn’t shut up soon ill never get any Bekka

“You know John, I used to think the hair was enough, but you’ve convinced me – I’m growing a beard!” Shadow

“That? It’s called a ‘fart’. Oh, it’s a human custom… you know, before mating.” zParticle

Sheridan: “I’m sorry Delenn but when human men get a little older they just don’t recharge the way they used to…” xoorox

“I swear, Delenn, the cranial ridges don’t make your butt look big.” KLRedwolf

“Please Delenn, you have to tell me if this is your post-coital look. I can’t tell if this is it or if you’ve gone into a trance.” Theresa

Sheridan: “Knock, knock!”
Delenn (thought): ‘Susan was right…. he does tell bad ‘knock, knock’ jokes.’ Barbra

“Ok, I’m sorry. I promise not to eat toast in bed again….” Snooklepie

“But, we never even tried it with the beard. Come on…be a sport.” Gridsleep

“Delenn, I swear, I spaced your teddy bear by accident. ACCIDENT!” Nimque Elen

“Please don’t tell Mrs. King about this…” Fishman5440

“John: Honey, I’m sorry! I keep forgetting that parts of you are anatomically backwards from humans.” Renee

“Man-“Of course I brought protection”” Violin


“They used to be blue”

She’s got Betty Davis eyes! FrostGeezer

And for just 29.95 you can help B5 finish the CGI for season 3! LexxLurker

VOICE-OVER sick of all the other evil geniuses making fun of your baby blues?
Try new Vorlon Lazer eye surgery and you to can strike fear into the hearts of small children. Bekka

“See! I told you I could do it! The Psi Corps don’t call me ‘The Boiled Egg Balancer’ for nothing you know!!” Nursewhen

Lyta to Bester “I’m rubber, you’re glue, your super P12 mind powers bounce off me, stick to you!” Shadow

Another sad case of Vorlon addiction. zParticle

“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone” xoorox

“Come on everybody, sing along with me, “Bright eyes burning like fire, bright eyes….” Theresa

“Wow!!! I didn’t realise those vodka/Red-bull’s had SUCH a kick!!!” Snooklepie

“Whoever is humming ‘Tomorrow’ had better cut it out right quick!” Gridsleep

Alright, WHO messed up the master tapes with White-Out, AGAIN?! Nimque Elen

“I never thought my Mom was serious when she said I’d go blind if I kept looking at dirty magazines.” Renee

“Anyone have any pea soup?” Violin


“You really need to sort out that nostril hair”

“Look, I don’t make the orders around here! The captain said we could borrow your nose while the main hangar is being repaired.” FrostGeezer

“Now for the last time Londo, Rogaine aint free, and if you don’t pay up I’m going to get midieval on your ass!” LexxLurker

Director: Closer, closer we need to excite those slashers.
Londo: But his breath REALLY smells. Bekka

“Ambassador, it might just be my imagination, but you almost looked like you were enjoying that painful Vaseline treatment on your six big groin-parasites” Shadow

“…and Rosebud was WHICH wife?” zParticle

“Please Londo, It’s very important. Please try to remember……Where did you put the TV remote control?” Nursewhen

“PUSH… PUSH you can do it!” xoorox

“Tell me again Londo, how you managed to get THAT up there?” Theresa

FRANKLIN: “I know you wanted to keep your winning lotto ticket safe Londo, but don’t you think it was a little silly of you to stick it up there???” Snooklepie

“But we never even tried it without the beard. Come on…be a sport.” Gridsleep

“Ambassador, for the last time, STOP EATING AT NEELIX’S!” Nimque Elen

“Franklin: Now, we’re going to take one hair at a time from your chest and implant them on the top of your head.” Renee

“Darn, this guy looks better dead then he did alive” Violin


“And a good morning to you too”

A liver-spotted Icarus dons wooden wings. “Uhm, could you give me a push?” FrostGeezer

“But I don’t know the words to the Barber of Seville!” LexxLurker

“Yes Emperor, I’m very proud to be the first Narn member of the 2261 Centari American Football Team!” Shadow

“The truth? You can’t handle the truth–let alone Narn B&D! Oh
yes, I understand your kind all too well.” zParticle

“Waddaya mean inappropriate attire!…… This is ‘The Dam Busters’ Fan club… isn’t it?……” Nursewhen

“No no seriously this is very good for the back… you should try it” xoorox

“Hey, what’s that aerial doing in your chest? I don’t think you can pick up Babcom ALL the way out here!” Theresa

G’KAR: “Can you point me in the direction of the gym? I have some equipment to deliver…” Snooklepie

“But, I guess the ‘yoke’s’ on you, eh? Ah? Ah? Funny? Nudge nudge wink wink!” Gridsleep

“WHAT? But the invitation said this was a NARN themed party! Let me in, you Centauri-themed buffoon!” Nimque Elen

“G-Kar: I’m sorry Emperor, but this chain necklace you gave me just isn’t me.” Renee

“I didn’t ask for an Elvis impersonator!” Violin


“Hehe, I’ve got odd socks on”

“Keep going! Now the other foot! Yes! Yes!” FrostGeezer

*Email attatchment to Markus from Ivanova* LexxLurker

Ivanova: “Oh boy! I can’t wait to see if my new uniform from Delenn fits!!
Ivanova: “Sheridan?” Nursewhen

*thought* This’ll show Rachel Stevens
Ivonova: Oi! this is suposed to be a Prittey Polly audition scroll that camera down Bekka

“Mine! All mine!” *maniacal laughter* zParticle

“When I said down there I didn’t mean my toes! ..STOP that tickles!” xoorox

“You should see what’s down here!” Theresa

” You think that’s funny? get a load of these bunny slippers….” Snooklepie

“Oh, foo. They said zero gravity would make them bigger.” Gridsleep

Sheridan: “Commander, I want to find a way to distract Mr. Bester while we– SUSAN! I meant distract Mr. Bester onLY!” Nimque Elen

“Why yes… my bellybutton can whistle. Why? Can’t your’s?”” Fishman5440

“Hey little man…how do you like our new flight suits?” Renee

“Did I go up a cup size or is it my imagination?” Violin

(I know, I know, but I just couldn’t resist a semi naked Ivanova!)


“Well, you did say it was fancy dress!”

“I don’t know what my problem is today. I’m just so wired!” FrostGeezer

*Getting on the Internet in 2260 can be complicated* LexxLurker

* I cant believe i turned down that Friends audition for this* Bekka

“I don’t care what anyone says, it beats Bester any day!” Shadow

“Just back off Bester! Can’t you see I’m having a bad hair day?” Nursewhen

“Dammit, Sheridan, I’m a telepath, not an engineer!” zParticle

“How do you rewire a plug again?” xoorox

“I know there’s Borg in here somewhere.” Theresa

“I should have realised that trying to do one of those fun home electronics kits after a night out on the beer was a seriously BAD idea….” Snooklepie

“Believe me, you don’t want the lifetime subscription to ‘Wired.'” Gridsleep

“I fell asleep on the couch and woke up like this… bloody pranksters!” Nimque Elen

“Any 12 year old can set it up………..yeah, right.” Renee

“Now this a bad hair day” Violin


“Hmmm. What’s condition Blue?”

“The horror! The horror!” FrostGeezer

“Soooooo, who can I backstab this season?” LexxLurker

MY Presssoussss, Its my mug, keep your filthy hands off. Bekka

From Garibaldi’s Baby Album Shadow

Ninhydrin: The purple pigmentation tells you it’s working! zParticle

“I’ll show ’em… I’ll get a tan if it’s the last thing I do!” xoorox

“I DON’T look like Bruce Willis, I don’t, I know I don’t.” Theresa

“Well, that’s the last time I buy a blue movie off Lennier.” Nursewhen

“As you can see, I use ‘HEAD & SHOULDERS’….” Snooklepie

“Obsession…” Gridsleep

“Hmm. The captain has turned blue and is glowing. I take it that this is not a good sign.” Nimque Elen


“One day soon, my hair will be as long as yours”

“I must know what conditioner you use!” FrostGeezer

“What eyeliner is this? And lipstick? Ooh wonderful, wonderful, I have to get some of that shade!” LexxLurker

Byron: If you ever leave me i’ll sing emo
Lyta: No im not worth it! Bekka

“Um, Byron? your Vulcan techniques are cute, but quite unnecessary.” zParticle

Byron: “Your face is so smooth!”
Lyta: “That’s because I use fairy liquid…” xoorox

“No Lyta, I keep telling you. It’s not Shelley, it’s Byron. Remember…Byron.” Nursewhen

“Just a little, no a little bit more. That’s is. I can see it, I can see it now. Can I please squeeze it?” Theresa

BYRON: “Alas, poor Yoric…”

LYTA: “Hey!! I haven’t lost that much weight on the Atkins diet….!!” Snooklepie

“And for my next trick, I’ll reattach the lady’s head and separate her clothes from her body!” Gridsleep

“When I look into your eyes, I see– my god! Is that spinach stuck between your teeth?” Nimque Elen


“And thirdly, You’re about to marry a bloody HUMAN! Are you crazy!”

“Look. My mother was very fond of conch shells and…” FrostGeezer

*Delenn regrets sharing her hand lotion with Lanier almost immediatly* LexxLurker

Delenn and Lenir decide who will lead the Anla-Shok by performing the traditional ‘scissor, paper, stone’ ceremony. Nursewhen

“Delenn, I’m beginning to think we should have read up on that Human custom of ‘bridesmaids’ a bit more thoroughly!” Shadow

Lennier: “And when I did some serious soul-searching, it came at me from out of nowhere, and suddenly it all made sense–a calm came over me. I know what we have to do. And then you–Delenn, Sheridan, and I–all of us… can finally be… alright.” …
Delenn: “What?!” zParticle

Lennier ruefully rubs his hands after another painful game of slaps. xoorox

“I don’t care what anyone says….white is flattering on NO onE, NO onE.” Theresa


Lennier immediately wonders if it was such a good idea getting Delenn to audition for ‘Pop Idol’……..” Snooklepie

“So…wait, tell me again, is this the homage to Krypton or to THX-1138?” Gridsleep

“Lennier, it appears that our attempts to breed giant mutant killer zucchinis were a bit… too… successful….” Nimque Elen

In November 2003, the following were shortlisted.

1 “I swear, Delenn, the cranial ridges don’t make your butt look big.”

Caption by KLRedwolf

2 VOICE-OVER sick of all the other evil geniuses making fun of your baby blues?”Try new Vorlon Lazer eye surgery and you to can strike fear into the hearts of small children”
Caption by Bekka
3 “Whoever is humming ‘Tomorrow’ had better cut it out right quick!”

Caption by Gridsleep

4 “…and Rosebud was WHICH wife?”

Caption by zParticle

5 “I know there’s Borg in here somewhere.”

Caption by Theresa

6 “Well, that’s the last time I buy a blue movie off Lennier.”

Caption by Nursewhen

7 “Lennier, it appears that our attempts to breed giant mutant killer zucchinis were a bit… too… successful….”

Caption by Nimque Elen

Members of the SadBOARD were then able to vote on their favourite
caption in the Babylon 5 Forum.

Winners were Nursewhen, Theresa and zParticle

Sad-Competitions are © 1999-2003 Tony Fawl (and of course, the people who sent in suggestions) Not for reproduction without the author’s permission.

The BABYLON 5 names, characters and everything else associated with the series are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Warner Brothers,
a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company and TNT. All rights reserved.