THE LIGHT UNIVERSE – Not an especially nice place, although at least there was a bit of communication between the planets. – Was destroyed by Mental Mantrid.
B3K Imaginatively named planet, where Zev / Xev, and possibly Giggerota the Cannibal, were brought up in boxes to be the perfect wife. Zev failed at this by being a bit too…large. Smacking her boy husband in the mouth didn’t help matters. It is unclear whether B3K was the ‘Wife bank Planet’ or whether every planet had one. Judging by the fact that they produced Zev and Giggerota, they weren’t exactly professionals in the trade.
Brunnis 2 Second home of the Brunnen-G, where Kai hails from. Unfortunately by this time they had become make-up-wearing eternally-young ponces, and refused to fight when His Shadow attacked their planet with the Foreshadow. All except Kai and his newborn chums that is, who fought and died with honour. And without make-up.
The Cluster Nasty technology-encrusted planetoid, home of His Divine Shadow and his Order, the rulers of the League of 20,000 planets. It was here that treacherous Stanley Tweedle traded in his leotard for a purple jumpsuit and cap, and ended up sleeping in a cupboard for 8 years. Other stuff that occurred on the Cluster: Zev was turned into a love slave , Kai was decarbonised and dressed in tasteful black (much nicer than luminous pink), the Lexx was grown and fed on human organs wrapped in cellophane, and 790 lost his head. The planet actually turned out to be a giant egg harbouring the body of a gigantic insect, which the Divine Shadow planned to pass his essence to. But that’s another story.
Nook Strange planet with only one island. Nice place, if cloned homosexual only-shag-once-a-year monks are your thang.
Orgasmos Planet of ladeez who need lurve. Unfortunately it didn’t exist, although 790 made Stan believe it did. A very simliar planet DID exist, although Stan cruised right past it, refusing to be duped again. The fool.
Ostral B Pair It is unclear whether this was a binary star or planetary system, probably the latter. This is where the Heretics were from, led by Thodin of the Magnificent Mullet. Tweedle worked for them briefly (and disastrously) as Assistant Deputy Back-up Courier. It is possible he was born there as well. Please note: wise rebels with Billy Ray Cyrus mullets, three years before The Phantom Menace’s Obi Wan Kenobi. Hmm?
Planet of the Milk-Fed Boys If you’re a fan of human flesh (specifically, eating it) you would have had a field day here.
Potatohoe Farmer’s planet that was about 5000 years behind everyone else, due to the fact that an ion veil sealed it off from the rest of the Universe. Also proved that parallel evolution exists in the Lexx Universe, rather than humans colonising all the planets.
Ruuma Where the bodies of post-brain-removal Divine Shadows were sent, as the planet’s strange radiation brought them back as zombies. Why the Divine Shadows bothered doing this is unclear – presumably to let their bodies continue to do evil after death. Was populated by the most dysfunctional family in the universe. Mother and daughter were eaten by Lyekka, father’s brain was eaten by Xev. Kai became VERY odd while he was on this planet.
TV World Tiny planetoid of DIY television. The reward for getting low ratings was to join the audience – a room of decapitated heads, watching TV for ever. The rest of the population were killed off in a ratings war – unlike the ratings wars on our planet, this one involved big guns.
Vermal Misshapen redneck planet. Tweedle was forced to blow it up at gunpoint, or rather bonepoint, by the psychotic Pa. Although he probably would have blown it up anyway.
Woz Unsubtle Dorothy reference to begin with – turned out to be the only other planet besides than the Cluster where love slaves could be created. Unfortunately they were all blown to smithereens.
THE DARK ZONE – The universe of evil and chaos, according to His Divine Shadow. He wasn’t far off, although the Brunnen-G originated here, so it can’t all be bad. Brunnis Home planet of the Brunnen-G, when they were still dead hard bouffanted insect murderers. The Brunnen-G legged it as the Brunnis sun was going to go supernova. It turns out they needn’t have hurried – it didn’t explode for another 5000 years, and that was only because Giggerota sped up the process significantly. Was populated (sort-of) solely by Poet Man, a foppish psycho who got left behind, and recorded himself over all the holograms. In possibly the most unpleasant Lexx-moment so far, Poet Man tried to inject his frozen sperm directly into Tweedle’s genitals, in the mistaken belief that Tweedle was a woman.
Earth A type 13 planet located in the dark zone. Inhabited mainly by the lost souls of Fire and Water.
Conveniently Placed Moon If your home is a giant dragonfly, destroying these is the equivalent of hard cash.
Fire Desert. Lava. Torture. This planet is hell – quite literally. Blown up by Xev. Familiar faces included Mantrid and Giggerota.
Klagyaa Garbage planet, sole survivor of a system that destroyed each other due to a trade war. Sadly they got infected by a bioweapon, in the form of a worm that lives in your neck and makes you a bit…dim. Kai, in a rare display of passion, attempted to kill the queen. Even he couldn’t do it – luckily she got her head knocked off by an asteroid.
Nimbus 9 Prison planet, populated solely by sex crazed maniacs. Sadly we didn’t get to see it.
Water Water. Sex. And team sports. Not sure about the last one, the other two are nice. Familiar faces included Schemmi and Layleen.
SPACECRAFT AND SATELLITES
Balloon Primary mode of transport on Fire. Despite having existed since the beginning of time, things do not happen very quickly on this planet.
Celes Pleasure Cruiser Full of lovely ladeez. Unfortunately for Stan when he returned there, full of angry Heretics too. This was the place that first distracted Stan, eventually leading to the destruction of 100 reform planets.
Foreshadow Looked like a cobweb. A devastating weapon, able to blow up planets, although not nearly as quickly as the Lexx. Used to destroy Brunnis 2. It was presumably used for scrap metal when it became obsolete.
Gigashadow Not a spacecraft, strictly speaking, but then neither is the Lexx. This was the giant body that His Divine Shadow grew for himself over thousands of years. It’s appearance was identical to the race of insects that His Shadow had once belonged to, although it was a hell of a lot bigger. It was destroyed when a baby cluster lizard ate its brain and it fell into the first fractal core.
Gubby’s Narcolounger World Where you can enter your dreams, as an essence held in a fragile glass bubble. Unfortunately, Giggerota the Cannibal appeared in Stan’s dream, leading to one of the interesting pseudophilosophical paths that Lexx sometimes follows; when people die, they appear to actually live on in other people’s dreams and memories. Stan’s plight wasn’t helped by the fact that Gubby smoked crack and electricuted himself.
Lexx The most powerful weapon in the two universes (only one now), and the most advanced piece of biotechnology ever concieved (with the possible exception of the Gigashadow).
Luvliner “Not exactly as advertised.” Under-staffed and over-hyped. Curiously it’s seedy evil owner, Shemmi, managed to end up on Water, after his presumably slow, painful death at the hands of the Mafia. But as Prince said, “Sometimes mistakes get made.”
Medsat If you wanted to get better here, you had to either have (a) lots of cash, or (b) a gigantic biomechanical dragonfly-shaped bugship capable of destroying the conveniently-placed local moon. Dr Kazan worked here, the creep who seduced and then killed Zev. The bastard.
Megashadow Looked like a giant beetle-type-thing. Carried an attack fleet inside, and was capable of firing out energy webs like the Foreshadow. It was destroyed by one S. Tweedle.
Moth Cute twittering spacecraft, produced by men in all-in-one blue catsuits with flares on board the Lexx.
Stinger Ancient Brunnen-G craft, obsolete even in Kai’s time. Not very effective, but they looked cool. His Shadow based his bio technology on the remains of Kai’s craft.
This glossary is copyright 2000, Niall Webster.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission
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