Fandom Anecdotes/Stories…

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    What are some of the strangest fandom related experiences you’ve had, or could imagine yourself having? Have you had any bizarre dealings in fandom (whatever show)? Fandom can take some queer twists and turns, and if you’ve ever found yourself dealing with true fanatics, it can get scary. I’ve found it best to avoid the lunatic Lexxian bad carrot brigade, the Manimals, and anyone who truly believes if everyone was exposed to their crap show they’d love it. The “what I love IS the greatest” crowd can be worrying, especially when it gets truly delusional (I’ll leave you to your own examples so as not to offend the uber Ed Wood fans). And yes, I love Ed Wood movies. Now what about that Lucas/ Sat Wars fandom? Nooooo! Stop telling me to “use the force.”

    Just to get the ball rolling on the kind of strange experiences one might have in fanaticdom, here’s a years old post of mine from another board. Feel free to skip this tasteless story, I want to hear your own stories… Either real or imaginary. But please don’t make it too personal, too personal meaning that I expect no dissing of other specific individuals (or small groups of individuals we may be acquainted with). Something a little more general might be best (or imaginary).

    I’ll leave you to guess how much truth lies in the following anecdote…

    I need proto-blood, and fast!!!

    I have intimated in previous threads that I’m a bit of a closet Lexxist because my friends find my taste in shows idiotic — they’re big Blossom and Full House fans and attend all the Little House on the Prairie conventions.

    Well … I just spoke to one of those biker gang friends of mine — when he’s not out raising hell on his Harley he’s mostly watching Blossom — and he has finally watched a Lexx tape that I had rather ashamedly given him a few months ago.

    Anyway, he kind of liked Lexx but he loved Kai! He and the other members of the biker gang are going to be riding down to the bi-monthly “Little House on the Prairie Convention,” and he’s come up with an idea. The gang really want Michael Landon to make an appearance at the convention — that’s not a problem, they’ve brought his body on stage before, but this time they want him to make a speech.

    Well, the reason he loves Kai (the corpse who talks) should be obvious. He’s asked me if I can procure some proto-blood to reanimate the Little House star. Does anyone know where I can buy proto-blood? Should I contact Salter, or are they auctioning it off at e-bay?

    Please help! He’s threatened to break my legs if I can’t get any soon. I rue the day I came out of the Lexx closet! I hope this serves as a lesson to all.

    I’ve heard it comes from Giga Shadow.. Any idea where I can contact this Giga Shadow fellow? Salter must have his email. Maybe I’ll try them.

    And I heard you can get it from an insect (one that Mr. Giga Shadow owns I presume). Would any living insect do? I have a fat juicy fly as a pet; normally I wouldn’t hurt a fly, but I am desperate…


    I received two great suggestions: One was to get protoblood substitute from a millipede, and ther other was to derive it from slimy okras. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out very well for me.

    Fearful for my life as I was, I thought it best to try the two suggestions: I squeezed the juice out of both a giant Amazonian millipede (I was only able to procure one from the pet store) and a few dozen okras.

    After the bikers forced me to come to the convention (to make sure that I made good on re-animating the body), I started with phase one of the plan: I gave Michael Landon the millipede juice and then we wheeled him onto the stage. Michael Landon remained silent and motionless; the crowd was getting restless and my “friends” were getting furious. 5 minutes passed and I definitely saw a little twitch from the corpse. If only I’d had more millipede juice! I waited a few more minutes, but nothing!

    By this time the crowd was getting really, really upset. The bikers standing near me pulled out their knives threateningly…

    My ass was really on the line so I moved to phase two: I told them to “take a handful of okra and rub it all over Michael Landon’s body,” thinking that if anything would arouse the Little House star out of his deathly stupor this would.

    The bikers were really, really enjoying this activity. They were working the juice onto his body into a lustful lather trying for a positive reaction. Well, lo and behold, Mr. Landon sat bolt upright up and said, “The stiff do not get stiff,”* before he expired completely again. The filthy, hot and sweaty bikers started to howl in their sexual disappointment. Unable to control their animal appetites they turned their amorous attentions towards me. The ensuing details are too horrible to mention. But let’s just say that well, thanks to those suggestions I can now say that I’m already half way to being Laura Ingalls cause they ripped me a new one!

    It was my fault really, I asked them to rub the okra juice on the body, when I should have asked them to rub it on each other.

    *There was only enough millipede juice to get him to say those six words. It’s weird that he would say that though, because the region of his body where I had observed the twitch definitely contradicted his statement.


    Have any of you had similar or, more likely, totally dissimilar experiences? And if so, if so or so what so, so what? Huh?

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