- This topic has 14 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 22 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hi people! This doesn’t have anything at all to do with Sci-Fi… But I really need to get this off my chest and tell some one. I live in Virginia, but my boyfriend lives in Tennesse, I have been going out with him for the last 5 and a half years…. Next year…some time in March I’m going to be moving in with him… after I finish school… But my problem is my mother will miss me very much and I will miss her…. we need to be able to see each other face to face and talk, etc and right now my mom and dad HATE each other but my moms afraid to divorce him because he has all the money , has a VERY bad temper and would probably hurt my mother if she said something about a divorce or if I wasn’t there to protect her. And I want to take her with me and have her live with me and my boyfriend but we don’t have the room…we would have to get a bigger house…( meaning building our own)and we don’t have the money to even think about it… and she would have to get the divorce in order to get away from my dad… Also my mom is kind of old and has weak legs so its hard for her to move around a lot! I’m so sad and disparing!! I don’t know what to do !! I want to move and be with my boyfrind, But I want my mom too!! I don’t think I could bear being away from my mom, in another state not knowing what is happening to her when my dad is home!
( I’m a worrier, I always go out in the car with my mom when we go to the store because if something happens like a car crash or something I want to be there with her and I always call at work in the morning to make sure she got there safely!! I do the same thing with my boyfriend!! I know I’m over protective but I can’t help it!)
Please someone talk to me!
——————
“to err is human” or is it “the air is human” ?? matt Gideon “Crusade”“Look for me by the moonlight-
Watch for me by moonlight-I’ll come to thee by the moonlight,
though Hell should bar the way”
——-The Highwayman
quote:
Originally posted by Christine Carroll:
Hi people! This doesn’t have anything at all to do with Sci-Fi… But I really need to get this off my chest and tell some one.
oh christine, i am sorry about this mess and without really knowing what your long term plans are i am at a loss…i guess the first thing to do is figure out how realistically you and your mother can do on your own, and where would be the most realistic place to do it…if you guys are in an abusive relationship, you should just find jobs and leave, and then divorce dad. You also need to figure out how your boyfriend feels about taking on a full time relationship and a mother in law, maybe he is not ready for it. The main thing is for you and your mom to decide you want to leave, and then make carefully make plans to that end. You cannot necessarily rely on someone else to help you, nor can you make your mother’s decisions for her. You say you will be finishing school, but i am not sure if you mean college or high school. The job market and prospects for high school grads, especially one as bright as you, are very bleak. Maybe community college and part time work, with you and your mom sharing a place is more realistic. If you have finished college, find a job and a space of your own that if your mom wants, she can share. If your guy is committed, he will work with you towards achieving your goals. The main thing is to get out of an abusive relationship, and also to do the best you can for yourself, and your mom if she wants, for the longterm. Escape with no goal usually leads to nowhere. I don’t know if this helps, but trying to break things up into achievable tasks usually makes me feel less overwhelmed and desperate. Let me know how goes, love fx
Quite a predicament for an equally brave soul. I would’ve stayed home.
——————
Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will.me only being 15 and not having gone through anything like that i cant give much advise but one thing i do know if your mother is scared to leave your dad because he has all the money there are ways for her to get some of that money she needs to find someone who knows about this sort of thing maybe even a lawyer. See how that goes and then decide where to go from there3
——————
“Where is he”
“Hes in the car park”
“Whats He doing in the car park?
“Parking Cars Dumb dumb what else does one do in a car park? – HHGTTGOk Hi everyone! To answer so of the questions…. I’m 17, I’m still in high school and my boyfriend and I both agree that we want to marry when I finish high school and when I turn 18. My mother has talked to a lawyer and he has said that it would be very hard for her to get a divorce… But she does want to get one and she does want to move and hopefully come with me to Tennesse, maybe not live with me but be in the same area.
My dad doesn’t really Live with us, He works in Washington DC, but when he does come home its hell. And its just very hard to get any point across to him. He’s one of those people who his opinion is the right one know matter what the topic… He’s not happy or proud of me know matter what I do… He’s very critical of everything my mom and I do and he doesn’t believe in privacy of any kind and is always going through my private things …as well as my moms stuff…and if you ask him about it he acts like its his house (HE’s the man of the house) so he has the right to know every little thing in the house and has the right to go through everything. Also when he is here I don’t DARE bring a friend home thats not white and dressed “neat” and “Respectable” or he’ll tell them to leave! He’s very racist and a real B******!!!
I can’t Stand the man !!! I can’t wait to get out of here!!! But I want my mom to come with me! I don’t want to leave her alone with him!
——————
“to err is human” or is it “the air is human” ?? matt Gideon “Crusade”“Look for me by the moonlight-
Watch for me by moonlight-I’ll come to thee by the moonlight,
though Hell should bar the way”
——-The Highwayman
[This message has been edited by Christine Carroll (edited May 31, 2001).]
I saw this post last night and dident know what to say so I thought about it al night and day but still dont know what to say!
Well, I agree with FX! That looks like the best way but you must be shoure that your mom wonts this and that she knows that you´ll be there for her and keaping it! (The little I know about you I know that you will doe that!)
The most importent thing here is to maker your mom safe!
I cant say that I know what your going thruwe bekos I´v never had to deal with something like that!
(Well, I know the feeling to se your mom afraid! My dads a alcaholic and hes a royl pain then! That upsets my mom! But the worst thing is when he gets angre! He never hits her (Or anyone, for that matter! Hes dad hit him so he never hits anybody) but when he hjells (you know, screems when hes angery) it makes everybody thats there feal realy bad! Nowone can stand his hjelling! So my mom always doe anything to not make him angery! Shes so scared of him! Sorry! I got lost in my thoughts!)Any, I feal for you, my friend and I hope it will al work out for the best! Let us know how it goes, OK!
*Hugs Christine*
——————
I am the crusaderJust for the rekord, Christine posted her post wile I was whriting mine! Thats way it looks strange!!!
OK! Al I can say is what I would doe, and thats taking mom with me!
If she cant live at your place find he a place that she can! Let her live with you untill you find a place for here, just get her out of there! Thats what I think, anyway!Just fallow your heart and doe what you feal is right!
——————
I am the crusaderokay christine, thanx for clearing stuff up…basically the man is a psychological bully…like crusader said, even if he is not physically abusive, making everyone feel low is just as bad, and you end up just as cowed as if he were hitting you, because you end up guarding your speech and actions out of fear just the same…it also sounds as though your mom is realistic about wanting to leave, but not necessarily live with you for the rest of your lives….money cannot buy peace of mind, so that should not be the issue as far as divorce/leaving the man…but you both must have a way to live…please, please please, find jobs for you both, and some sort of training for you so that you will never have to depend on anyone, or be scared to leave some ******* because you are afraid you won’t be able to support yourself…my father was/is extremely domineering, i have my own income and life and i stand him down when he is out of line with me or my mother…it makes for some uneasy times but we at least have come to terms…needless to say my adolescence was hell, but he himself was the one who pushed me to be able to support myself because he did not want me to have to stay with soomeone because i could not cut it on my own…so although you and your boyfriend wish to get married, remember it is always better to approach any relationship on equal footing rather than dependence…get some training/education that will lead to a better life for all of you, or for you alone if it comes to that…hope this helps and know that we all care…fx
Thanks everyone… For your advise and your support !!! I love ya all!! Hugs!
——————
“to err is human” or is it “the air is human” ?? matt Gideon “Crusade”“Look for me by the moonlight-
Watch for me by moonlight-I’ll come to thee by the moonlight,
though Hell should bar the way”
——-The Highwayman
yes, i think the most important thing is to make sure that you and your mum can survive without your dad, that would give you the freedom to leave.
——————
“Where is he”
“Hes in the car park”
“Whats He doing in the car park?
“Parking Cars Dumb dumb what else does one do in a car park? – HHGTTGI can’t really think of any advice to give you…I just hope everything works out for you and your mom and your boyfriend and everyone else. Good luck.
*hugs Christine*Hi Everyone!!! I just wanted to say thanks to all your support and to answer a few more questions and to give some great news!!
Hi Blackcloud!!! NO I don’t have any family close by…and I don’t have any Grandparents…My moms mom dyed last May and My dad’s parents before that…..
Anyway! I Have to tell everyone the great news!!! My Mom finally decided to E-MAIL my dad saying she wanted a Divorce ( No way she could have done it in person) And He agreed!!!!!!! He even said that he would give us a lot more of the stuff (property, money,etc) then we thought, even really Likes the Idea and is (so far) agreeing with everything my mom has asked of him so far… I quess he really wanted a divorce to and just never said it… any way… He’s coming down from Washington on the 4 of July to visit me… Because I don’t have any work that day …Probably go to see a movie…Then (because hes not aloud by law to stay the night) he will come back at the end of July with my male cousins and back up all his stuff and move it out!!!
I’m so happy !!! He’s going to be out of our Life!!!! And he isn’t getting all upset and everthing!!!! (He even offered to pay MAJOR monthly child support!!!) I’m just so very glad that everything (so far) is working out great and it seems that we will not have such a hard time anymore and we don’t have to hide anymore!!!! Again !! Thanks everone for your support and Kind words!!! Love ya all!!! HUGS!
——————
“to err is human” or is it “the air is human” ?? matt Gideon “Crusade”“Look for me by the moonlight-
Watch for me by moonlight-I’ll come to thee by the moonlight,
though Hell should bar the way”
——-The Highwayman
Hi, Christine, I just came upon your post and I think it’s admirable that you’re sticking by your mom the way that you are. With the stuff you see in the news and read about in the papers, that can’t be a choice to be made lightly. You haven’t mentioned; do you have any other family at all nearby or in the surrounding states? On the other hand, does your father? Sometimes, a parent’s parent can get to his or her child when no one else can succeed. (At least, I know no one in my family dared to raise an eyebrow or utter a word against my matriarchal grandmother; no matter how old you were or how many children you had given birth to. She ruled, end of story.)
I will certainly keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers, Christine. I hate to read about women who are being threatened in this way. I was reared with boys and my father wanted to be sure I never fell victim to such situations. We will be sending you both much love, CC. Stay courageous and be safe. Taino-ti’!
That certainly does sound great, CC. I hope everything continues to go well for you and your mom. We’ll be thinkin’ ’bout you both!
quote:
Originally posted by BlackCloud:
That certainly does sound great, CC. I hope everything continues to go well for you and your mom. We’ll be thinkin’ ’bout you both!
ditto christine! now you and your mom can make choices for yourselves, may they all be good ones!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.