- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 8 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
OUTSOURCING ANNOUNCEMENT
by Staff Reporter Melinda Jill
Washington D.C., June 29, 2004 – Congress today announced
that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced
to India as of September 30, the end of this fiscal year. The move
is being made to save $400,000 a year in salary, plus a record
$521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.“The cost savings will be quite significant,” says Congressman
Adam Smith (D-Wash) who, with the aid of the Congressional
research arm, the General Accounting Office, has studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively. “We simply can no
longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive on the
world stage,” Congressman Smith said. Exporting American jobs
has been a popular trend lately, ironically at the urging of
President Bush.Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of the termination
of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and
salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two
week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 a week in
unemployment insurance for 26 weeks.Unfortunately, he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health
insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the
required limit. “I’m in shock,” Mr. Bush stated. “I thought fer sure
I’d have some job security around this here place. I have no idea
what I’ll do now,” he further lamented.“I’ll have to call Dad again.”
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will
be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of
October 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents
were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position.
He will receive a salary of US $320 a month, but with no health
coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the
U.S. and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when
offices of the U.S. government are open. “I am excited to serve in this
position,” Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. “Working nights
will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I
always knew I could be President someday.”Congress urged patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not
be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A
Congressional spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given
a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of
concern. The spokesperson further noted that “additional savings will
be realized as these scripting tools have already been used previously
by Mr. Bush here in the U.S. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to
provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself.”Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities,
including that of Vice President and most Cabinet positions.Ohhhhhh you are an evil puppy! I love it…. Hummmm, okay, Bush bashing….. I can top it. See ya tomorrow.
P.s. why do I suddenly hear Dueling Banjo’s playing of in the distance? 😈
I wish I could say it was my work. I just need a place to post the things my parents are forwarding to me. 😉 I think they are enthusiastic that we suddenly have something in common.
And all it took was Sections 213 and 215! Who knew?
Oh, and here:
________________
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE New York, NY
6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: “Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment”
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve “Freedom Fries”
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: “Mercury, It’s What’s for Dinner”
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to pump Rush Limbaugh’s stomach
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children?
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: “Corporations: The Government of the Future”
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings “Can’t Help Lovin’ that Man”
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The real cause of forest fires?
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: “Doublespeak Made Easy”
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:45:30 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: “Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy”
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Piñata
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: “Evolutionists: The Dangerous New
Cult”
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
_________________
Hee!
83
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.