Lexx and the mother of all crossovers (Part One)
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The universe was in flux. In fact, ALL the universes were in flux. The space/time continuum had gone off the rails for some unknown reason, and the Light Universe was buffeted against the Dark Zone (which is to say, itself, almost), the Four-Quadrant Universe was turning into chopped liver, Vorlon Space was oozing over everything, and that didn’t even begin to describe what was happening elsewhere. The Multi Universes of Creation had become a tossed salad.
“Ouch,” said Lexx.
Stanley Tweedle picked himself up off the floor and mounted the bridge stand. “What was that, Lexx?”
“Something hit me,” Lexx said mildly. “It hurt.”
“I know, Lexx, but what was it? What hit you?”
“It may be a ship. It looks like a tasty snack. May I eat it?”
Stan clapped his hands to the sides of his face and shook his head. “Show me.”
The view screen shimmered, and a ship appeared. At least, Stan thought it was a ship. It was sleek and streamlined, which made it look odd to his eyes. Why would anybody streamline a ship that was meant to travel in airless space?
Xev and Kai came running onto the bridge.
“What happened, Stan?” Xev looked up at the view screen. “What’s that?”
At that moment, the view screen shimmered again, and a face appeared.
“This is Captain Dylan Hunt of the Andromeda,” said the face, looking concerned. “We seem to have crashed into you. Are you all right?”
Xev relaxed and smiled. “Well, hello.”
Captain Dylan Hunt smiled back at her. “Hello there.”
Stan shook his head again and grimaced at Xev. “I’m Stanley H. Tweedle, captain of the Lexx, the most powerful destructive weapon in the two universes. Whyn’cha look where yer goin’, pal?”
“Well, *you * appeared out of nowhere. Wait. What do you mean… * two* universes?”
“Hey, we had the right of way!”
Another face appeared on the screen alongside Captain Hunt. “We’re wasting time. I say we go over there, kill them, and continue on our way.”
“Now, Tyr,” said Captain Hunt.
Stanley opened his mouth, outraged. “Hey, listen, you! I—”
Kai stepped forward, resting his left hand on his right wrist and looking grim. “I suspect you will find killing us more difficult than you anticipated.”
“Now, now, boys,” Xev soothed, moving between Kai and the view screen. “I’m sure this is all just a misunderstanding. No harm done. Is there harm done… to your ship… captain?” She batted her eyes at the view screen.
“No. No harm done.” Captain Hunt smiled at Xev.
“In fact,” she purred, “why don’t you come on over and stay a while… so we can make it up to you.”
“Xev!” Stan hissed at her. “What are you doing?” She merely wrinkled her nose at him, and turned back to smile seductively at the captain.
“I don’t think we should go over there,” said another face, with dark hair and dark, killer, bedroom eyes. “I don’t think it’s safe.”
Stan froze for a moment. “Oh, it’s perfectly safe,” he said, shaking himself like a dog. “Sure. We’re just really safe people. So… why *don’t * you come over and get to know us. If you know what I mean.”
Dromy pursed her lips, looking Stanley up and down.
Still another face popped into view. “Hmph!” Beka glanced skeptically at Captain Hunt. “I’ll leave it up to you, Dylan, but this doesn’t smell right to me.”
Captain Hunt shrugged. “Well, maybe we should get to know them. You know, put our heads together and figure out what’s happening with the space/time continuum. It’s in flux, you know,” he said seriously to the trio on the bridge of the Lexx.
Stan was staring at the two women. “No, we didn’t know, but if you want to come over and discuss it, I’m sure we can be accommodating. Over dinner?”
At that moment, the view screen went fuzzy and then focused on open space. Another ship was shimmering into view. It was a very weird looking ship, indeed. A voice crackled over the audio.
“Hello? This is the Starship Enterprise. Hello?”
“More guests,” Xev said.
“Oh boy,” Stan said.
Kai said nothing.
[ 29-12-2002: Message edited by: SadGeezer ]
Meanwhile, in a strange coincidence, an older English couple have popped into the hangar for the moths on board the LEXX.
Thier car careens to a stop as the woman screams “Mind the bug, Richard!”
With a screeching of tires, the car comes to a rest. Out of the back seat, an overweight couple pile out. The man, dressed in a t-shirt and wrinkled pants, falls on top of his mate. “Oh, Onslo!” moans the woman, as she tries to caress him.
“Not now, Daisy.” Onslo says as he grunts off her. Behind them on three inch high heels, a thin woman wearing gold chains and showing a lot of skin, as daintily as possible, steps out. “I don’t think we’ll find Daddy here.” she says as they look around the hangar.
The passanger in the front seat shoves a frilly hat from her eyes. She looks in around in wonderment. “Richard, where have you taken us?” she gapes at the driver.
Richard rolls his eyes and glares at his passenger. “Hyacinth, I haven’t taken us anywhere! One minute we were driving down the street, the next we almost ran into that bug thing. It’s not my fault.”
“Nevermind that now, Richard. Let us get out.” Hyacinth looks at him expectantly. He groans and realizes that she is waiting for him to get out and open the door for her. He wrestles open his door, hesitates as he looks at the fog swirling around his ankle and runs into the nose of a moth. “What are you waiting for?” Hyacinth calls.
“Reality.” he whispers under his breath.
(I hope my contribution is up to par)
Circe appeared suddenly in a dark, dank tunnel. She looked around, a little irritated. She had been trying to return to Atlantis to visit her family, and the teleport spell obviously went off wrong. She closed her eyes and focused again, casting it. A small pop and sizzle, and she appeared elsewhere, but still in the same building, or whatever it was. She sighed heavily and started to walk.
Suddenly she froze. She felt the presence of something huge inside her mind. She sank to the floor, cross legged and focused. She turned her mind outward, feeling for the life around her, and came across the presence she first felt. It was large, but simple, created to follow commands. She also found the presence to be insectoid, and also discovered that she was inside this being. It had been created to destroy, carrying a crew of sorts. As her mind expanded, taking all the knowledge she could from the insect, then withdrew, drawing back to herself, she felt three other minds not to far from where she sat. She touched each one briefly, and was intrigued considerably by one. She opened her eyes and stood, following their thoughts to where they stood.
As she approached, she saw a man in red, with an odd looking hat on his head, his thoughts, while fairly simple, were at least normal for a person, especially a male, those being, sex, and food. Apparently he had seen an attractive female within the last few minutes. The next person she saw was a lovely blonde woman, wearing a leather outfit. She had gleaned from her mind it was made of something called cluster lizard, which she also felt this woman had inside her as well. Again this was not the mind that intrigued her. Finally she saw him, standing there, face emotionless, eyes dark, a tall slim man dressed in black. She could feel his face hid a lot. She stepped into their line of sight, apparently right after a conversation had ended.
“Hello, can anyone tell me how I ended up here?” She looked between the three of them, but did not react when she heard the dark man raise his weapon at her, she had been threatened by a lot worse. “And who you are. I am named Circe.”Circe wached as yet another person entered the room. A young woman dressed as if she had been out hunting when all of this stuff happened.For the time being though, she remained hidden in the dark corner away from everyone else.
Circe’s mind whirled feeling the confusion all around her, though the newest person to have entered was starting to clear things up a little. She grew dizzy and collapsed onto the floor, back sliding down the wall behind her. She watched Kai leave with the being called spock. There was an odd one, they were a lot alike.
Kai, for all his denials did feel emotions, specifically for his two companions. He showed a great concern for them, and did care deeply about what happened to them. She looked arund the bridge, trying t ofocus. This was a major drawback to being a telepath, she felt it a lot more when people around her were in turmoil, and it seemed all of them were projecting it unknowingly.
She managed to gather enough strength to stand and walked over to Xev. “I can’t stand it in here any longer. There are too many minds goign at one time. Is there somewhere I could rest.”
Just as Xev started to lead her out into the hall, Kai returned. He and Xev talked for a moment, then it was agreed that he would guide Circe to an empty room. She watched him as they walked.
“Do they know you’re lying to them Kai?” She asked, almost casually.
His cool unemotional eyes assessed her. “The dead do not lie.” His mind however told a different story. Here, away from the confusion on the bridge, she could see into his mind clearly, and he was actually concerned his act was being seen through.
“You can not lie to a telepath. I can feel everything you think. The ycare for you Kai. Don’t worry though,” a small smile crossed her face. “Your secret is safe with me.”
In the meantime, a controversy was brewing on the bridge.
Captain Kirk eyed up Xev appreciatively. “Hello,” he said, sidling up to her (refusing to notice that she was probably three inches taller than himself). “My name is James Kirk. I’m captain of the Starship Enterprise.”
Xev lifted an eyebrow and smirked seductively at him.
“Hey!” said another man nearby. “That can’t be right! *I’m* captain of the Enterprise!”
“Oh yeah?” Kirk said. “What’s your name?”
“I’m Captain Jonathan Archer — of the U.S.S. [i]Enterprise[/i]!”
“Archer, Archer, hmmm… I think there was an Archer who was captain of the Starship Enterprise [i]prototype[/i] about a hundred years ago!”
Dylan Hunt looked confused. “What the hell is a Starship Enterprise?”
Xev was growing increasingly frustrated with this exchange. “Boys, boys,” she soothed. “There’s no need to squabble. There’s plenty to go around.” And she giggled when Captain Kirk leered at her.
A woman wearing a similar uniform to the two starship captains stepped forward. “What we need to figure out, is where we are and how we got here.”
“Who are you?” demanded Kirk.
“Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the Voyager.”
Stanley Tweedle, who had been watching all this from his mount on the control column, threw up his hands. “You’re on the bridge of the Lexx, that’s where ya are, and I’m the captain of the Lexx, the most powerful destructive force in the two universes, and this is too weird, and I want you all to get off!” A woman standing to one side caught his eye. “Except maybe you, honey.”
T’Pol lifted an eyebrow.
Kai, having returned from stowing away the distressed young telepath, approached Tyr and said, “How long does it take you to do your hair like that?”
[ 21-03-2002: Message edited by: dgrequeen ]
Meanwhile, the English outing had managed to find thier way to the bridge.
Rose positively drooled. “Oh, Daisy! Look at all these dishy men!” She forgot her lust for the vicar. Her eyes wandered from captain to captain. Her lips curled and she jumped when she spied Stanley standing on the control panel. “Well, not that one, but the rest…” She wasn’t sure which one to run to first! She decided to just go in and see what she could accomplish.
“Rose!” Hyacinth rushed forward to grab her sister. Her hand clamped on thin air. “She always was a fast girl.” she said innocently, not noticing the smirks and looks from the rest of the group.
Daisy, hanging on her husband, Onslo, asked what they should do now. She liked to make Hyacinth feel in charge, it kept her so happy. She knew that things always worked out in the end, not always owing to Hyacinth’s plans.
Rose had sidled up to the taller man with the big shoulders. His straight hair hung perfect, his dimpled smile made her swoon. Richard could tell that he was trying to dislodge Rose’s hands from his arm as she giggled and cooed. “I think we should save that man from your sister.” he pointed.
The group wandered onto the bridge.
BowCatz moved quietly downed the darkened hallways listening to the sounds of the living ship. The narrow hallway opened up to a large room with what appeared to be veins running in and out of the wall. BowCatz placed her fingers lightly on these veins and felt a pulse.
“You really are alive,” she marveled.
Thin sheets of skin blocked her path as she made her way through the ship. She could tell by wear on the floor what areas of the ship was most travelled and explored these areas first. The further back into the ship she went the colder the temperatures became. She zipped her hunting coat up to her throat and explored till the temperatures were near zero. She had to turn back then.
“You should stay with the others,” said Stanley, stepping from the entrance to the galley.
“I didn’t know it was required.” BowCatz didn’t know if she trusted Stanley or not, but she trusted her instincts to give him room.
“I would hate to have to send Kai looking for you. He can be very very persuasive with his brace.”
“Brace? What kind of brace?”
Stanley pointed to his right forearm. “It’s a weapon attached to his body. It shoots out and grabs meddling girls by the throat.”
BowCatz rolled her green eyes at the thought. “He had his chance to use his brace. He didn’t. If you want me back to the front of your ship, just say so, Captain.”
BowCatz had been awake nearly twenty hours and was tired and hungry. It showed in her irritated tone of voice.
“Follow me.” Stanley led her back to the bridge quickly.
BowCatz didn’t want to be there anymore than Stanley wanted her there, but she had no way of knowing how to get back home. Resigned to her current situation, she followed Stanley without speaking.
BowCatz sat on the floor and leaned against the wall looking at the other people. She wanted to rest, but her camoflauge paint was drying and it made her skin itch. It was Zev who noticed her discomfort and lead her to the restroom to wash the paint off.
Moved to the Second Section
[ 29-12-2002: Message edited by: SadGeezer ]
Moved to the Second Section
[ 29-12-2002: Message edited by: SadGeezer ]
If nothing else, Bowcatz was good at building bob-wire fences. With T-posts and the all the tools necessary, she stayed busy on her farm keeping her property line in order. Her neighbor’s cattle had a way of straying onto her property eating up the deer food plots.
Now she dreamed she was walking along the boundary line nearest the creek and wondering how the fence had aged so much. The rusting wire had fallen off the T-posts, which were rusted to the point of crumbling in her fingers. Where had all the time gone? Suddenly, her legs felt very heavy and she fell to the ground. It was then she woke up.
She heard footsteps moving away from the room she was in. Sitting up, she stretched out her arms and her spine. Standing, she listened carefully for more sounds. Her growling belly was the only sound she heard.
On the bridge, she met Stanley. He was alone. His face was dark and very sad.
“What’s wrong?” Bowcatz asked concerned. She sat down beside him.
He looked at her for a moment then replied softly. “I thought I was the only one onboard. We were standing here talking then the light went kinda strange and then everyone was gone. I couldn’t find anyone. I don’t do alone very well. You think I would get use to it, by now.”
“Zev showed me to a room off the main corridor. I’ve been sleeping for atleast four hours. Man, I’m hungry, too. Wish my backpack had been beamed up with me. I always take a big snack bag with me when I hunt.”
Stanley looked at her kindly. The meanness had gone out of him. The hours alone had changed him. “Yeah, what kinda snacks? We only have the goo.”
“Goo?”
“Yeah, goo. The Lexx feeds us goo.”
“That doesn’t sound very good.”
“It’s not. But, it beats starving to death.”
“I hear ya. As for snacks, I keep peanutbutter chocolate chip cookies, sardines, crackers, deer jerky, pickled artichoke hearts in the little glass jars, sometimes biscuits and sausage. When my parents were alive, I would always have really good home-cooked food. But, now it’s mainly snack food or salads. ”
“I don’t know what most of what you said is, but it sounds good.”
“Yeah, I like it.”
As they spoke, Bowcatz noticed how the light in the bridge became a yellowish intense color. It lasted for a few minutes. Then they both heard the voices climb in volume around them. It was the British group that spoke first.
“Where did you go? Where have we been? Oh…..that was a strange sensation.”
Bowcatz and Stanley looked at each other in surprise and the people slowly appearing in the room. But, Kai never re-appeared. When Zev noticed this, she became obviously sad.
———-
Moved to Second Section
[ 29-12-2002: Message edited by: SadGeezer ]
great end bowcatz…….couldn’t have done better myself
Wadda total BLAST!
Dgre, Bow, Arenia yer geniuses… genyus… genius’s … dead clever!
Aw shucks, thanks Saddy…..
(a blushing) Arania
BowCatz washed her face and hands. But the camouflage paint was stubborn and remained around her nose and ears. Zev explained to her how to use the toilet, but the thought of it made BowCatz glad she hadn’t drank any water that day.
The lack of moisture, the stress of hunting on a cold day, and now this was taking its toll on her mind and body. She needed rest.
Zev noticed her fatigue and showed her to a quiet darkened room where she could lie down on the floor and sleep. BowCatz thanked her and Zev left in the direction of the bridge. Oddly though, after BowCatz stretched out, she couldn’t sleep.
Bowcatz closed her eyes and images of Kai popped into her mind. He stood with his brace ready. Confused by the images, she was grateful when the images left as quickly as they appeared. BowCatz rolled to her side and tried to sleep again.
The room was quiet, but the vibration of possibly an engine flowed through her. A pulsing sensation she felt through the floor that reminded her of a motor. Then she felt something move over her. It felt like a soft wave of energy travelling around the room then it settled next to her, like a shadow.
BowCatz opened her eyes, but the room was still dark. She felt the energy move to her forehead and reach out to her. She withdrew instinctively.
"What is that?" Fear showed in her voice and BowCatz heard it. The energy field was invisible, but BowCatz felt like it was right in front of her. Sitting up then standing, she reached out with a trembling hand towards the direction it felt like it was coming from. Then a sense of peace filled her mind. It was like someone was telling her to be at peace. That everything was okay.
BowCatz’ instincts told her to be very cautious, but there was something soothing about the communication. Laying back down on the floor, she curled up and drifted off to sleep after saying a prayer for protection. Who had reached out and touched her mind?
The sun was setting fiery red on the horizon. It’s cold January rays shined weakly on BowCatz as she carefully lowered her archery equipment to the cold ground covered heavily with pineneedles and pinecones. Far away, she heard a squirrel bark its whining call in the waining twilight. With her breath smoking, she unstrapped her safety harness from the tree, and turned in her climbing tree stand to lower herself carefully. At nearly thirty feet in the air, it took several minutes before she made it to the ground. She stopped and climbed out of the stand only to find herself standing in a brightly lit and warm hallway that opened to a wide open area containing large winged insects. Strange looking men with blinking lights on their heads walked around the insects with blank expressions on their faces. They appeared to be tending the insects. "What the …?" BowCatz whispered as she turned completely around expecting to see the red winter sun setting through the trees of the forest she had grown up in. Her archery equipment was gone, as well as her climbing deerstand and the tree she had spent six hours in waiting for a whitetail buck to pass by. The illuminated fleshy walls of the ship and the hard floors were a strange contrast to the dark forest and the huntress, feeling a panic attack coming on, made herself take deep breaths for a few minutes. "I must have fallen. I must be laying on the ground under the tree dreaming this. I must have hit my head." BowCatz turned and looked at the Mothbreeders with deep suspicion. "But, it seems so real. I can smell the scent of the insects that kinda look like moths." As a Mothbreeder approached her, she reached around her belt and unsnapped her big hunting knife and pulled it out of its sheath and held it ready for an attack. "Back off!" The Mothbreeder walked past her like she wasn’t there. The little red light among the wires on its head blinking steadily. BowCatz dressed in full camoflauge with her face painted green and brown took a fighting stance while the Mothbreeder was in sight. When it turned down another hallway, she relaxed and silently turned to watch the other strange men and thier large insects. "Okay. Okay. I don’t know what’s going on, but I better find a safe place to hide till I do," said BowCatz whispering as she began to sheath the large hunting knife. The sudden tight grip around her wrist and having her arm quickly raised over her head snapped her around looking a tall man with pale skin dressed in black. "Let go," she growled and pulled back. "Let go of me," she demanded while pushing back on his chest. To her it felt like she was pushing against a hard leather wall and not skin and muscle. Resisting was futile. The grip became stronger and the knife fell behind her with a dull thud. It was then she was released and momentum made her fall back against the lumpy wall. BowCatz grabbed her aching wrist and glared angrily at the man with long dark hair. "Harm no one and you’ll live." The monotone voice was dead serious and BowCatz knew it. "Where am I?" "Follow me." "Where am I?" BowCatz demanding tone only brought a look of serious intent on the tall man’s face. He turned and walked a few paces then stopped and looked at BowCatz unsmiling. Taking another deep breath, BowCatz slowly followed after carefully picking up her knife then sheathing it. His eyes never left her and she felt his intense stare. "Harm no one and you will live." "I heard you the first time." BowCatz had no intention of showing fear and hissed out her words. "No one harms me and they’ll live, too." The man in black gave no response. He lead her to a crowded room where a man in a red uniform stood on a raised platform as a hologram control board appeared below his hand. He only glanced at her mumbling, "Not another one." Everyone turned and stared at her and BowCatz felt very uncomfortable. Being basically shy, she slowed her pace and seeing another young woman with long blonde hair, walked over to her. "Hi. I’m BowCatz." BowCatz tried to sound friendly as the tall dark man watched her. BowCatz knew she was being monitored by him and that she had better be careful. "Hi. I’m Xev." "Where am I? I, I, …well, I was in the woods and now I’m here. Is this really happening?" "Yes. It’s happening, BowCatz." Stanley removed his hand and the control panel disappeared. His terse tone matched the irritated look on his face. "Kai, maybe you should search the Lexx for more people. There could be a whole army of shadow warriors on board by now." Kai left the room without speaking. BowCatz estimated twenty people were in the room. They looked like professional people, except for a rather odd looking group standing off to themselves. They eyed her silently then turned to talk quietly among themselves. "Xev, what is this place?" "You are on the Lexx. It’s a living ship…a space ship as they called it." Xev looked at the small group of people whispering in the corner and back at BowCatz. "A spaceship? I’ve been abducted?" "No. Not abducted. Gee. That’s funny. That is what they said, too." BowCatz looked up at the viewer as several space ships appeared and disappeared. The word "dimension" popped into her mind. "It looks like a dimensional shift. A shift of time and space. Gravity affects time and space, so I have learned from late night talk radio." "Gravity?" Xev appeared puzzled. "Yes, if gravity is increased along with electromagnetic energy then it effects the visible dimension. Something with incredible mass and with electromagnetic potential is pulsing near here." "Are you sure?" Stanley said obviously irritated. "What are you when you are not painted up like a tree? " BowCatz blushed under the heavy camoflauged paint. She had forgottened how she was dressed and quickly assumed she must look odd among these people. After giving Stanley a go-to-hell look, she continued. "It’s a theory, but physical principles should be the same whereever we are in the universe. I mean, I would assume it would be." "A black hole." Captian Kirk stepped up from the crowd of people. "An invisible and huge black hole would cause this anomaly." Captain Kirk turned and looked at the tall slender man with greenish skin and pointed ears. BowCatz immediately thought she must have fallen the entire thirty feet out of the tree. …I’m dreaming and what a dream it is… "Possible, Captain. I would need to go back to the Enterprise and conduct a test. If Kai will let me leave without incident, then I will test this theory of an invisible black hole. As if summoned, Kai appeared and escorted Mr. Spock to the moth corral. It was deemed too dangerous to attempt beaming for fear the Enterprise would disappear again and might not return. BowCatz listened to the other’s talk for a while then slipped out of the room unnoticed. A natural explorer, she wanted to tour the Lexx.
Circe called her back and motioned for her to stand near her. Bowcatz obeyed. "Be careful, Bowcatz. Whatever is happening hasn’t stopped yet. Don’t stray too far."
"Okay." Bowcatz understood without questioning, but her natural curiousity pulled at her to go exploring. Bowcatz tried to ignore it by focusing her attention on the people around her. They were just as surprised as she was, except for Circe. She was calm and at that time in her life, Bowcatz needed calmness.
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