10 signs of too much Lexx
quote:
Originally posted by Squish-ums:
Who the hell is ‘Bob’???
Ahhh, the eternal question: Who is J.R. “Bob” Dobbs? Some call him “the High Priest of Sales.” Some call him a savior. Some call him a saint. Others call him one of the prime corrupters of this world. What little is known about “Bob” is this: Born to humble parents (though perhaps fathered by an interdimensional being passing himself off as a milkman) sometime in the early decades of the 20th century, “Bob” started out life in the normal way. Until, that is, at the age of 5, he was abducted by a UFO. Soon thereafter, he began showing signs of extreme psychic ability. By grade school, he had become a multi-millionaire and grew up to become known as “the man who could sell anything.” During this time, he also posed anonymously for a number of magazine and print ads, and appeared in several low-budget science fiction films. Then, in the 1950s, while working on a television set of his own design (he actually was attempting to create what we now know as “cable”…he claims that he was only trying to see naked ladies on the tube), he received the first of several revelations from Alien Space God JHVH-1, and these revelations would form the basis of “The Prescriptures” in which it is revealed that there are actually 2 distinct species of life on this earth. Normal humans, known as “pinks,” and the mighty SubGenius race, who are descended from the Yeti. In a flash, all was revealed to “Bob.” The ability he had to make money, without even trying, was a result of what is known as “slack.” Slack is an intangible element that every SubGenius is born with (a lifetime supply, actually), but the “pinks” have conspired to steal it away. Realizing that he had tainted himself by immersing in the world of the Pink, he first tried saving himself by becoming a tent-revival preacher, but later he retreated to the Himalayan mountains, where he communed with his Yeti bretheren, and had his “third nostril” opened (an arcane operation that causes immediate enlightenment and the ability to tell the difference between Pink and Sub). After a period of introspection, sex, and heavy consumption of ‘frop (the drug-like fungus that grows from the stool of Yeti), he came down from the mountains and founded the mighty CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS. For years the church operated in silence until the late 1970’s, when he hired two nobodies, Reverend Ivan Stang and Doktor Philo Drummond, to head up the publicity arm of the Church, The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. With his wife, the voluptuous (and irresistable…rrrowrr…) Connie Dobbs, he retreated into the background, while his face was soon seen everywhere: spraypainted on underpasses, buildings, sidewalks, prisons and hospitals. In 1982, “Bob” was assassinated during a SubGenius “Devival” in San Francisco, CA, by a crazed follower going by the name of “Puzzling Evidence.” He was summarily booted out of Heaven, and won his way out of Hell by cheating at a game of poker with Satan. He was then re-erected, and reclaimed his throne in the SubGenius Foundation headquarters in Dallas, TX.
Either that, or he’s a piece of clip art that Philo found in an old phone book.
One or the other.
Please, for more information, take a few months and delve deep within the labyrinth that is:
[url=http://www.subgenius.com]The Church of the SubGenius[/url]
–Aleck (member of two organizations whose initials are COS)