Once Upon a Time…. by theFrey (Sections 11-12)

[SadGeezer]

quote[quote]**** SECTION 11 ****[/quote]

“Oh good you’re both up,” 790 said with acid good cheer cutting the siren off. “Well don’t just stand there looking stupid. You need to get started working again so I can get out of here and back into the arms of my dark angel of death.”

“Why you…” Stan growled, as Xev flopped forward burrowing her head under her pillows.

“Oh no you don’t, you wretched excuse for a love slave,” 790 hooted, as Xev scrabbled at her covers drowsily. The horn tones increasing in intensity as Xev covered her ears.

“ALL RIGHT!” Stan yelled over the noise. “We’re up, we’re up! Shut up before you get the guards in here!” He strode over to the window and plucked up the unrepentant robot head and shook it.

Xev sat on the side of the bed, trying to brush back the crackling tangles of hair sticking to her face. She glared at 790 as she vainly tried to smooth the hair sticking out from her head in every direction. “What time is it?” She growled.

“It is five thirty in the morning. If yesterdays schedule can be used as a guide, you have ninety minutes until Prince and Kai show up. So if you hurry with the washing of your skanky bodies, you can get an hour of practice in before Kai gets here.”

Xev moaned softly as she buried her face in her hands. “But 790, we didn’t get to bed until after two.”

“So?”

“So!,” Stan yelped in indignation raising 790 up so that he could glare at him, “I’ll tell you So! We would have liked more than a few hours of sleep you know.”

“And that affects me how?” 790 smirked, not the least bit disturbed as Stanley set him on the table with a bit of a bounce. 790 units were fairly durable after all.

Over the course of the next half hour, while they were getting washed and dressed, 790 heckled and chided them until Stan thought he couldn’t stand it anymore. After re-bandaging Xev’s hand, Stan began to brush out the snarls in her hair.

Xev sat in silence, stoically not mentioning the occasional too hard tug, as a teasel caught in the tangles of her damp hair. Working quickly, Stan separated her hair into an upper and lower section. Using one of the bands from the flowers, he pulled the top section into a pony tail on the top of her head and then braided the bottom section neatly. Despite the continuing haranguing of 790, the braid he produced was tight on the sides and smooth and even all the way down. It is amazing what can be produced after several hours of intense practice.

As Stan worked, he tuned 790 out and began to relax a bit. This wasn’t going half bad. Working with slightly damp hair seemed to help a lot.

Stan was starting to relax and get into the rhythm of his work and his results had steadily improved despite what 790 said. However a few problems were giving him grief and one of those was the bun. He could get the hair up into place, but without fasteners he couldn’t get it to stay of course.

And perhaps more troubling than that, no matter what he did, the bun he was producing didn’t look like Kai’s. 790 was no help there as apparently the hair styling techniques of the Brunnen-g were not included in his love slave programming.

“Well Tweedle,” 790 grumbled, “I suppose I have seen worse, but I think you better clean up, if you don’t want Prince to know how much progress you have made.“

Xev, followed by a slightly smug Stanley went into the bathroom to check out her hair in the mirror on the wall.

“Why Stan,” she exclaimed, taking in her hair for a few moments before the bun began to unravel. “It looks really good! If we had some hair fasteners to practice with, I bet we would be out of here in no time.”

“Yeah,” Stan agreed brightly. But then his mood darkened a bit, “But Xev, it’s not the right style bun. I mean,” he went on hurriedly, “it is a bun, but it doesn’t look like a Brunnen-g bun. Really Xev, how are we going to figure out how to do a Bunnen-g bun. Heck there is only one guy left that knows how, and he can’t help us.”

“I know Stan,” Xev consoled him, as she began removing the bands and unraveling her hair. “But I’m sure that we will figure it out. After all, just yesterday we had no idea how we were going to learn to do hair at all with no brush or comb.”

“Well, that was an inspired idea of yours to ask Kai to bring us the flowers.”

Xev blushed slightly, “Well yes,” she agreed, “but to be truthful, I just did it so I could see Kai everyday.”

“So what, it worked didn’t it. Kai said he wouldn’t help us learn to do this, but I doubt if he meant for it to be as impossible as Prince was making it. Your request gave him a chance to even up the odds a bit with out actually doing anything to break his word.”

Xev smiled and began to rinse her hair again to remove the waviness that the braiding had given it, so Stan wandered back out to the main room and put way all evidence of their efforts.

“You know 790, I really hate to say it,” Stan said as he regarded the Robot head ruefully, “we really couldn’t have done any of this with out you.”

“What exactly are you up to, you wretched excuse for an ex-security guard? Why are you being nice to me?” 790 asked with narrowed eyes.

Stan sighed inwardly, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. “I am thanking you, that’s all. But there is something else you can do to help, we need to find some kind of substitutes for hair fasteners, or some way to work around them.”

“They are hair PINS you dolt,” 790 spat rolling his eyes, “and they are normally made from stiff plastic extrusions which we do not have access to…. However…”

790 paused and his eyes flashed as he accessed archived data files, “some of the fancy old style hair pins were made out of bent pieces of stiff thin wire.”

“Really? Metal wire? How thin? Could you show me a picture of one?”

Why? I don’t see how that would help you? You don’t have any rolls of thin wire to manufacture them with.”

“True, but the bed supports are made of wire, it’s kind of thick, but perhaps that would work.”

Excited, Stan jumped up and darted over to his bed. He lifted the mattress and examined the frame of linked wires. They seemed a little stiff, but he thought perhaps he could pull a few loose and work with them. He was trying to figure out how to do this with out it being apparent when he heard the rattle at the door. Quickly dropping the mattress, he pulled the pillows and covers back into place and then threw him self down on it to hide the complete disarray of his bed.

Xev entered the room, finger combing her damp hair just as Prince and Kai came through the door

“Well how are we all this fine morning?” Prince boomed in false cheerfulness.

Stan decided to ignore him and instead concentrated on trying to figure out how Kai’s bun was formed. It didn’t seem to be coiled or twisted like the styling examples that 790 had showed, the hair seemed to fall vertically, from the top all the way around as far as Stan could tell.

He was distracted from his musings when Kai greeted Xev and then offered her a large armful of vegetation. Hummm, Some of the stalks were rapped in a stiff paper and the entire bundle seemed to be bound together in…. wire!

Stanley was elated. There seemed to be several loops of wire binding the various bouquets together. He was so wrapped in though of how he could turn them in to hair faste… pins with out any tools or equipment that he didn’t realize that Kai, Xev and Prince were all looking at him.

“What?” he asked startled to be the center of such intense attention.

“Hello Stanley,” Kai said gravely as Prince captured Xev’s good hand and drew her away from Kai and over to the table.

“Hi Kai,” Stan said abstractedly. As his eyes followed Prince and Xev. “Here Xev,” he called leaping over to her side of the table, “Let me hold those while you get your bandage fixed.”

Clutching the bouquets Stan gloated inwardly at the stiffness of the thin wire. Going over to sit on the edge of his rumbled bed, he tuned out the conversations between Prince and Xev, and Kai and 790. Cudgeling his brain he tried to decide how best to make hair pins.

It was only when Prince came over to stand in front of him that Stanley became aware that the visit was winding down.

“Why Stanley,“ Prince murmured looking down at him, and gesturing to the incredibly rumbled bed, “you seem a bit distracted, I do hope you were not too restless last night.”

“Oh, no,” he assured Prince sarcastically, waving one hand in the air dismissively. I always sleep like a baby when I am being held Prisoner.”

“Oh, I am glad to hear that Stan,” Prince answered, responding to his words rather than the tone and meaning behind them. “I would hate to think of you tossing and turning night after night, year after year.”

“Well for your information Prince. I for one do not intend to be here for too much longer, let alone year after year!”

“Well I am sorry to hear that Stanley. Are you planning on quitting this veil of tears soon?”

“What!?” Stan looked confused, until he caught the reference and then retorted, “Oh, yeah as a matter of fact I am, and * not * in the way you are referring to.

Kai! Stan called, breaking into his conversation with Xev.”

“Yes Stanley what is it?” Kai asked walking over to him.

“I was wondering on this hair thing, do we only have one shot at this or can we have a couple of chances to get it right?”

“Well, I would say since there are more than one of you then you should have more than one opportunity to do it.”

“Good, oh and another thing Kai, since 790 doesn’t have any arms, how is he suppose to fix your hair? Seems a bit unfair to leave him here for something he can’t help don’t you think.”

“No,” interjected Prince. “It seems very fair to me. If he can not perform the task then he can’t leave, in fact I believe that all three of you have to succeed before Kai will assist you.”

This statement caused 790 and Xev to erupt into a storm of protests. While Stan and Prince steadily regarded each other.

“Yes and no,” Kai, recapturing everyone’s attention and gazing steadily at Prince. “The original statement only included Xev and Stan. They have to work together to do my hair, but I did not require that both of them do every stage of it. So long as both contribute to the finished task I will be satisfied.”

“Well I certainly will not!” Prince retorted.

“Perhaps then it is fortunate that your feeling on the matter do not really have any affect on my decision,” Kai countered in a flat cold voice as he tilted his head slightly and gazed steadily at Prince.

“Yeah Kai!”, 790 crowed, making a raspberry noise, “That for what prince wants. The only person whose opinion matters is my darling dead man’s.”

Prince narrowed his eyes slightly, a shadow of anger passing across his face, before he schooled in back into a benign grin. “Well,” he said in a light neutral tone, “this has been enlightening. But I think now we should go and continue your assessment and training of my guards Kai.

Xev, Stan, you will excuse us now.”

Kai assented, bade Xev, Stanley and 790 goodbye and preceded Prince out the door.

As they traveled down the hall, Kai studied Prince. While on the surface Prince appeared as calm and genial as ever. Kai was able to detect a faint tension and was certain that something was upsetting him.

While glancing down a side corridor that they passed, Prince noticed Kai’s regard. “Kai, don’t’ you think it would be better if you spent more time studying your surroundings rather than me?”

“I am quite aware of what is going on around us Prince,” Kai replied calmly. “What I have not yet figured out is why you are so upset.”

quote[quote]**** SECTION 12 ****[/quote]

Prince gave Kai a disdainful look as they continued down the corridor. “Upset, don’t be absurd. I am perfectly calm.”

“No,” Kai replied calmly. “You were perfectly calm last night when we parted, but this morning something has unsettled you.”

Prince’s lips twitched in a small rueful smile. He flicked a quick glance at his dark companion and sighed. “Very well Kai, something has come up since last night. Are you familiar with the ruling structure of this country?”

“No, the dead are not interested in politics.”

They walked down the wide stone steps to a small landing. Instead of continuing down to the court yard, Prince paused and headed towards a small door leading to the walkway over the curtain wall. Kai followed him until Prince finally stopped at one of the guard stations on the north defensive point. He dismissed the two rigidly attentive guards with instructions for them to wait for him at the entrance to the castle. As soon as they had passed out of earshot, he leaned against the parapet wall and grimaced.

Prince looked out over the parapet, taking no apparent joy in the bountiful vista spread out before him.

“You see Kai, the Emperor of this country granted me this governorship in exchange for a favor I did him. A trifling thing actually, maneuvering an ambitious cousin of his into a provable treason. Unfortunately, the former governor, instead of returning to his home estates in disgrace went to the capital and has been petitioning to be reinstated. As his wife is very close to the Empress, his case has been heard.”

Kai watched Prince carefully looking for unspoken clues to what his thoughts were. “Why would the Emperor care about you, you have skills… of a sort, but no power base or family connections on this world.”

“Yet.”

“Yet,” Kai agreed.

Prince gnawed lightly on one thumbnail as he regarded Kai speculatively. “The Emperor’s envoy will be here tomorrow, I imagine he will have a summons with him for me to appear before the Emperor.”

“Perhaps,” Kai said thoughtfully. “But it is also possible that the Emperor’s Envoy will simply imprison or kill you. After all, that will also solve his problem, and he may feel that your possible future services are not as valuable as the family connections of the former governor.”

“Really Kai?”

“Yes, really Prince. Furthermore your body guard and household troops are loyal to the Emperor, not you.”

A sly smile tugged at Prince’s lips, and his voice took on a more cheerful tone. “Well then, isn’t it lucky for me that I have a very skilled bodyguard who is * not * loyal to the Emperor.”

Kai took in Prince’s smug, smile, “If you are referring to me, then you are correct, I am * not * loyal to the Emperor. But the point you are deliberately ignoring is that I am * not * loyal to you either. And as soon as Stanley and Xev fulfill their task, I will leave with them, and then you will have no one to protect you. Perhaps you may wish to rethink your desire be governor.

Prince looked momentarily thoughtful, but then shook his head. “No Kai. I have wasted enough time in starting a power base. After all, even you have no way of knowing how long we will be stuck on this rather boring and backwards little planet, and I do not intend to remain a nobody here any longer.”

Kai regarded Prince without expression. “No one knows. As I explained at the time, the Lexx is a unique evolving insect, and even my memories of His Divine Shadow held no hint that it would build itself a cocoon. Therefore, I have no idea how long it will hibernate, or even in what form it will take when it leaves its cocoon.”

“In fact,” Prince continued as if Kai had not spoken, leaning back against the sun warmed stones. “In a certain sense I could hold all of you responsible for my being stuck on this miserable mud ball. In that sense, you might * owe * me any assistance I request.”

“The dead do not feel responsibility for the fate of a stowaway,” Kai replied coldly. “And if we are going to discuss what may be owed… in a sense you might *owe * Xev and Stanley for bringing you down to this planet, rather than leaving you up on the Lexx to starve while it went into hibernation. In that sense you’re holding them prisoner is a very poor repayment for their generosity.”

“You know Kai,” Prince smiled slowly, quirking an eyebrow at Kai. “One of the things I like about having you around is your ability to see the darker possibilities of a problem while still maintaining a certain naivety.”

Kai tilted his head slightly to one side and regarded Prince, “While the motivations of the living do not interest me, as an assassin I was trained to consider all their possible actions in any given situation.”

“And you do it very well indeed Kai.” Prince in a warm intimate voice as he placed a hand on Kai’s should and gently steered him back towards the waiting guards. “Yes, I can see where having a bodyguard who is also an assassin might prove handy. I am sure that you took care of more than one officious functionary while working for your Divine Shadow.

[Anonymous]

***** Section 13 *****

The minute Kai and Prince left, Stanley unwound one of the coils of wire from around the various bundles that Kai had left with Xev.

“Xev,” he said absently, his mind already lost to the problem at hand. “Why don’t you sort through this stuff and see if there is anything else in this bundle that might be useful.”

Then turning his attention to the problem at hand, he prodded 790 to display information about metal hair fas…pins. He was making pins he reminded himself. The wire was stiff enough that working it back and forth for a few minutes was enough to break off a section. After he had several sections broke off, he smoothed the sharp edges as best he could on the underside of the window ledge.

Xev glanced over at Stanley and smiled at how focused he was on his project.

She quickly sorted through the bundles of vegetation that Kai had brought her. Vegetation was the only way to classified it she thought bemusedly, since it did not by any stretch of the imagination resemble a bouquet. Separating out the flowers for the vase, she then sorted the twigs, grasses, and weed like things into individual bundles and wrapped each separately in some of the plain white paper.

Xev plucked out the broken teasels from her wreath and replaced them with the new, undamaged ones. She was just wrapping the broken bits and old wilted flowers in a bit of the white paper so that they could be disposed of when a brisk knock heralded the return of the morning cleaning crew.

Stanley started and then frowned when he noticed that Jane was not with the other two, never the less he pasted a smile on his face and echoed Xev’s cheerful “Good Morning.”

Which was again ignored. As two of the guards stationed themselves inside the closed the door and the crew once again began to briskly clean. The only interaction that Stan or Xev had, was when Xev handed the parcel of trash to the young female, and when the man cleaning the windows and floors pointed silently at 790.

“Oh, sorry”, Stan said jumping up to grab the cranky robot head off the window sill.

“Grrrr,” he growled startling the cleaning maid, who was passing Stanley, to start making the beds. “Nobody better make any plays for my cold hunk of hot love while I’m cooped up in here with these two idiots!” he yelled at her.

“790!” Stan hissed in a low voice, as the wide eyed maid edged over to the bed. “Stop that right now, or I’m telling Kai!” 790 grumbled a few times but subsided, merely flashing his eyes menacingly at the cleaning crew and making a few low snarls when they passed near.

“Um, excuse me.” Stan said as he withdrew from the area the cleaners were working in and drifted over towards the guards. “Hi, I’m Stanley H. Tweadle, Captain of the Lexx…,” he sighed. “Or I was the captain… anyhow, do you know where our breakfast is? Will it be here soon?”

The older of the guards looked at Stanley for a long silent minute. “The housekeeper was delayed this morning,” he rumbled in a rough voice. “She will be here shortly.”

“Ah, thanks.” Said Stanley, waiting hopefully. Unfortunately, no other conversation was vouchsafed to him or Xev, and within a very few minutes the cleaners and the guards withdrew.

Not quite an hour later, Jane was escorted into the room by a different guard. Setting the tray on the table, she nodded to him and he exited silently , locking the door behind him.

“Good Morning Captain, Xev,” she greeted them as she uncovered the various dishes and began placing them in front of them.

“Good Morning Jane,” they chorused, except of course for 790, who merely growled from the window sill.

“I’m sorry I’m late with your breakfast, but I wanted to delay coming until after the regular guards were scheduled for training.”

“Oh really?,” Stan smiled as he reached for a peach-like piece of fruit. “Does that mean you can talk to us this morning?”

“It does.”

Jane regarded them gravely, “Exactly how dangerous is this Kai person?”

“Well…,” Stan began taking a deep breath and puffing out his chest.

“Why do you want to know Xev interrupted.

Jane glanced over at Xev, “I have my reasons,” she replied.

“Don’t you dare tell her anything that might imperil my dead-o-lious one!” 790 yelled.

Stanley curled his lip and shot an annoyed glance at 790. “Like what?” He inquired sarcastically, “you think she could find a way to make him deader?”

“Hush, both of you,” Xev said, waving a hand dismissively at Stan and 790. She then turned her attention to Jane. “Look, you obviously want information from us, well we want information from you too. Perhaps we could trade.”

“Fine, but quickly, I can’t stay long. And you need to eat while we talk, I have to take the trays with me when I leave.” As they resumed eating, she looked at Xev closely. “So how dangerous is this Kai?”

“Very dangerous you hag,” 790 spat from the window sill, “He was a Divine Assassin, and has killed thousands of people. He is virtually an unstoppable killing machine, skilled in tactics only dreamed of on this cesspool of a world.”

“Now it’s our turn to ask a question,” Stan stated just as Jane started to ask another question. “How would we fix Xev’s hair in a bun that looks like Kai’s, rather than one that looks like yours?”

Of all the questions they could have asked, this was clearly not one that Jane was expecting. She looked at Stanley with a confused expression, while her lips moved silently repeating his question.

“A bun?” she asked puzzled. “Like the one… Kai has?”

“Yes, you wretched cow, a bun like the one that my beloved corpse-sickle of love wears!” 790 shouted, exasperated.

They watched as Jane’s expression changed from puzzled to thoughtful. “Well, she said frowning slightly. “I don’t know how he does it, but if I was trying to do it to my hair…” she paused looking up at the ceiling as she concentrated. “I would use a doughnut form of some sort underneath it…. Draw the hair up through the center of it, and then arrange it all around the form, pining it up underneath it.”

She looked at Stanley, re-focusing her eyes and said, “My turn now I think. What do you think this Kai would do if the former governor tried to dispose Lord Prince?”

“That depends, Xev replied. If the governor threatens Prince with injury or imprisonment he will kill the governor and as many people other people as necessary to protect him. If Prince decided to leave on his own, which is highly unlikely, he would see him safely away, regardless of what the former governor tried to do. Now how could we make one of these doughnut forms using only the materials we have in this room?”

“Could he really do that?” Jane asked skeptically, then seeing the expressions on Xev and Stanley’s face, she quickly said, “Never mind.”

“A form using only the material in this room?” Jane began a slow circuit of the room, “Wait, let me think a minute,” she said, absently twitching bed clothes into straighter lines and inspecting furniture for dust as she surveyed the rooms contents. As she passed the window on the way to Stanley’s side of the room, she stopped. Ignoring the growling and muttered insults from 790 she gently removed Xev’s wreath from the window and surveyed it intently. Frowning in concentration, she flicked her eyes from the wreath to the bundles of grasses and twigs that Xev had sorted and wrapped in paper which were lying on the foot of her bed.

“If you took the smaller twigs, and soaked them for a while in the tub to make them more pliable it might be possible to make a small wreath to use as a form.” She set the wreath on the corner of the table and made a small circle with her hands to show them the size she was thinking of. “I’m not sure how you would smooth it out though, perhaps you might be able to cover it with the grasses…. Or a bit of material, like a scarf.” She plucked a few of the grasses from the bundle and wound them around the wreath crosswise from the direction from the twigs.

“Is that how they are made?” Stanley asked eagerly.

She glanced over at him and grimaced, “Well no,” she said, noting the crestfallen look that her words produced. “Usually they are made with a special type of material sewn into a tube which is stuffed and the sewn into a circle, but you have no material of that type or anyway of sewing it into the proper shape.”

Raising her hand, she stopped Stanley from asking another question, “Is there anyway to protect the former governor from this Kai person?”

790 immediately took exception to her again referring to his beloved stiff as a ‘Kai Person’.

Ignoring the flying insults, Xev’s furrowed her brows as she studied Jane.

“Shut up 790,” she commanded. “Jane, if he is the master, why should you care about the former governor?”

“Is it your turn to ask a question?”

“Well, no. But I am curious. I won’t tell Prince of course,” she assured Jane hurriedly, “and it might help me know how to answer your question.”

“I serve this Castle, which like all the fortifications in this land belongs to the Emperor. However…” She stopped, took a shaky breath and went on, “However, the former governor was stationed here for fifteen years, I watched some of his children being born. I have cared for his family most of my adult life. One of my daughters is apprenticed to his treasurer, and his recommendation enabled my son to be accepted as a student with the imperial engineers.”

She took another shaky breath. “I would not like to see anything happen to him or his family at the command of Lord Prince.”

Stan felt a warm happy glow come over him, perhaps he thought, things were finally going to go their way. “Well Jane,” He purred, sounding not unlike Prince for a second, and standing up with a small smile. “I can answer that. If Xev and I learn to fix hair in the style of the Brunnen-g, Kai will make Prince release us, and then we will all leave, taking Kai with us, eliminating him as a danger to your governor.” He noted the skeptical expression flitting across her face and grinned broadly.

Jane shot Stanley a suspicious look, “If this Kai is powerful enough to make Lord Prince release you if you learn to… fix hair, why could he not just free you now? No offence Captain Tweedle, but that does not make a lot of sense to me.”

It took a few minutes to explain to Jane how they had come to be in this predicament. And a just a little longer to explain their current progress. The entire conversation threatened to bog down on the why’s of Kai’s seemingly irrational demands, until Stanley finally pointed out, ‘The dead do not have to make sense.’

Although still a bit confused and disbelieving, Jane seemed to quickly reach a decision as she heard a rattle in the door lock. “Here,” she hissed, swiftly snatching a few pins out of her hair and thrusting them at Xev.

As the door swung open Jane hastily placed Xev’s mostly untouched plate on the tray, and began to gather up all the rest of the breakfast dishes.

Stanley, glanced at the door and snagged a piece of bread and a few small sausages placing them out of sight under the table just as his plate was whisked away.

As soon as the door shut behind Jane, Stanley offered a share of the bread and sausages to Xev.

“No thanks Stan,” Xev said, showing him the fragrant yellow fruit that she had snatched off the tray as Jane was turning to leave. “You keep them, I’ll eat this.”

They grinned at eat other as they ate the flinched food. It wasn’t much, but it would tide them over until dinner.

“Tell you what Xev, from now on, while one of us talks the other one should eat.”

“No, Stan, I’ll tell you what. You finish up your hair pins, and I will make this bun form thing and we will be out of here by breakfast!”

“Oh! Here.”

Popping the last bit of sausage into his mouth, Stanley accepted the hair pins from Xev.

“Great. Using these as a pattern, I should have some pins made in an hour or so. How long do you think it will take you to make a form?

[theFrey]

Section 13 is up… enjoy. Only a few more to go. 🙂

[Author]

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