Once Upon a Time…. by theFrey (sections 13-14)

[SadGeezer]

quote[quote]**** SECTION 13 ****[/quote]

The minute Kai and Prince left, Stanley unwound one of the coils of wire from around the various bundles that Kai had left with Xev.

“Xev,” he said absently, his mind already lost to the problem at hand. “Why don’t you sort through this stuff and see if there is anything else in this bundle that might be useful.”

Stanley then turned his attention to the problem at hand; he prodded 790 to display information about metal hair fas…pins. He was making pins he reminded himself. The wire was stiff enough that working it back and forth for a few minutes was enough to break off a section. After he had several sections broke off, he smoothed the sharp edges as best he could on the underside of the stone window ledge.

Xev glanced over at Stanley and smiled at how focused he was on his project.

She then bent to the task of sorting through the bundles of vegetation that Kai had brought her. Vegetation was the only way to classified it she thought bemusedly, since it did not by any stretch of the imagination resemble a bouquet. Separating out the flowers for the vase, she then sorted the twigs, grasses, and weed like things into individual bundles and wrapped each separately in some of the plain white paper. She plucked out the broken teasels from her wreath and replaced them with the new, undamaged ones. She was just wrapping the broken bits and old wilted flowers in a bit of the white paper so that they could be disposed of when a brisk knock heralded the return of the morning cleaning crew.

Stanley started and then frowned when he noticed that Jayne was not with the other two, never the less he pasted a smile on his face and echoed Xev’s cheerful “Good Morning.”

Which was again ignored.

Two of the guards stationed themselves inside the closed the door and the crew once again began to briskly clean. The only interaction that Stan or Xev had, was when Xev handed the parcel of trash to the young female, and when the man cleaning the windows and floors pointed silently at 790.

“Oh, sorry”, Stan said jumping up to grab the cranky robot head off the window sill.

“Grrrr,” he growled startling the cleaning maid, who was passing Stanley, to start making the beds. “Nobody better make any plays for my cold hunk of hot love while I’m cooped up in here with these two idiots!” he yelled at her.

“790!” Stan hissed in a low voice, as the wide eyed maid edged over to the bed. “Stop that right now, or I’m telling Kai!” 790 grumbled a few times but subsided, merely flashing his eyes menacingly at the cleaning crew and making a few low snarls when they passed near.

“Um, excuse me.” Stan said as he withdrew from the area the cleaners were working in and drifted over towards the guards.

“Hi, I’m Stanley H. Tweadle, Captain of the Lexx…,” he sighed. “Or I was the captain… anyhow; do you know where our breakfast is? Will it be here soon?”

The older of the guards looked at Stanley for a long silent minute. “The housekeeper was delayed this morning,” he rumbled in a rough voice. “She will be here shortly.”

“Ah, thanks.” Said Stanley, waiting hopefully. Unfortunately, no other conversation was vouchsafed to him or Xev, and within a very few minutes the cleaners and the guards withdrew.

Not quite an hour later, Jayne was escorted into the room by a different guard. Setting the tray on the table, she nodded to him and he exited silently, locking the door behind him.

“Good Morning Captain, Xev,” she greeted them as she uncovered the various dishes and began placing them in front of them.

“Good Morning Jayne,” they chorused, except of course for 790, who merely growled from the window sill.

“I’m sorry I’m late with your breakfast, but I wanted to delay coming until after the regular guards were scheduled for training.”

“Oh really?,” Stan smiled as he reached for a peach-like piece of fruit. “Does that mean you can talk to us this morning?”

“It does.”

Jayne folded her hands in front of her and regarded them gravely, “Exactly how dangerous is this Kai person?”

“Well…,” Stan began taking a deep breath and puffing out his chest.

“Why do you want to know Xev interrupted him.

Jayne glanced over at Xev, “I have my reasons,” she replied.

“Don’t you dare tell her anything that might imperil my dead-o-lious one!” 790 yelled.

Stanley curled his lip and shot an annoyed glance at 790. “Like what?” He inquired sarcastically, “You think she could find a way to make him deader?”

“Hush, both of you,” Xev said, waving a hand dismissively at Stan and 790. She then turned her attention to Jayne. “Look, you obviously want information from us, well we want information from you too. Perhaps we could trade.”

“Fine, but quickly, I can’t stay long. And you need to eat while we talk, I have to take the trays with me when I leave.” As they resumed eating, she looked at Xev closely. “So how dangerous is this Kai?”

“Very dangerous you hag,” 790 spat from the window sill, “He was a Divine Assassin, and has killed thousands of people. He is virtually an unstoppable killing machine, skilled in tactics only dreamed of on this cesspool of a world.”

“Now it’s our turn to ask a question,” Stan stated just as Jayne started to ask another question. “How would we fix Xev’s hair in a bun that looks like Kai’s, rather than one that looks like yours?”

Of all the questions they could have asked, this was clearly not one that Jayne was expecting. She looked at Stanley with a confused expression, while her lips moved silently repeating his question.

“A bun?” she asked puzzled. “Like the one… Kai has?”

“Yes, you wretched cow, a bun like the one that my beloved corpse-sickle of love wears!” 790 shouted, exasperated.

They watched as Jayne’s expression changed from puzzled to thoughtful. “Well, she said frowning slightly. “I don’t know how he does it, but if I was trying to do it to my hair…” she paused looking up at the ceiling as she concentrated. “I would use a doughnut form of some sort underneath it…. Draw the hair up through the center of it, and then arrange it all around the form, pining it up underneath it.”

She looked at Stanley, re-focusing her eyes and said, “My turn now I think. What do you think this Kai would do if the former governor tried to dispose Lord Prince?”

“That depends, Xev replied. If the governor threatens Prince with injury or imprisonment he will kill the governor and as many people other people as necessary to protect him. If Prince decided to leave on his own, which is highly unlikely, he would see him safely away, regardless of what the former governor tried to do. Now how could we make one of these doughnut forms using only the materials we have in this room?”

“Could he really do that?” Jayne asked skeptically, then seeing the expressions on Xev and Stanley’s face, she quickly said, “Never mind.”

“A form using only the material in this room?” Jayne began a slow circuit of the room, “Wait, let me think a minute,” she said, absently twitching bed clothes into straighter lines and inspecting furniture for dust as she surveyed the rooms contents. As she passed the window on the way to Stanley’s side of the room, she stopped. Ignoring the growling and muttered insults from 790 she gently removed Xev’s wreath from the window and surveyed it intently. Frowning in concentration, she flicked her eyes from the wreath to the bundles of grasses and twigs that Xev had sorted and wrapped in paper which were lying on the foot of her bed.

“If you took the smaller twigs, and soaked them for a while in the tub to make them more pliable it might be possible to make a small wreath to use as a form.” She set the wreath on the corner of the table and made a small circle with her hands to show them the size she was thinking of. “I’m not sure how you would smooth it out though, perhaps you might be able to cover it with the grasses…. Or a bit of material, like a scarf.” She plucked a few of the grasses from the bundle and wound them around the wreath crosswise from the direction from the twigs.

“Is that how they are made?” Stanley asked eagerly.

She glanced over at him and grimaced, “Well no,” she said, noting the crestfallen look that her words produced. “Usually they are made with a special type of material sewn into a tube which is stuffed and then sewn into a circle, but you have no material of that type or anyway of sewing it into the proper shape.”

Raising her hand, she stopped Stanley from asking another question, “Is there anyway to protect the former governor from this Kai person?”

790 immediately took exception to her again referring to his beloved stiff as a ‘Kai Person’.

Ignoring the flying insults, Xev’s furrowed her brows as she studied Jayne.

“Shut up 790,” she commanded. “Jayne, if he is the master, why should you care about the former governor?”

“Is it your turn to ask a question?”

“Well, no. But I am curious. I won’t tell Prince of course,” she assured Jayne hurriedly, “and it might help me know how to answer your question.”

After a sharp look at Xev, Jayne began. “I serve this Castle, which like all the fortifications in this land belongs to the Emperor. However…” She stopped, took a deep breath and went on, “However, the former governor was stationed here for fifteen years, I watched some of his children being born. I have cared for his family most of my adult life. One of my daughters is apprenticed to his treasurer, and his recommendation enabled my son to be accepted as a student with the imperial engineers.” She paused. “I would not like to see anything happen to him or his family at the command of Lord Prince.”

Stan felt a warm happy glow come over him, perhaps he thought, things were finally going to go their way. “Well Jayne,” He purred, sounding not unlike Prince for a second, and standing up with a small smile. “I can answer that. If Xev and I learn to fix hair in the style of the Brunnen-g, Kai will make Prince release us, and then we will all leave, taking Kai with us, eliminating him as a danger to your governor.” He noted the skeptical expression flitting across her face and grinned broadly.

Jayne shot Stanley a suspicious look, “If this Kai is powerful enough to make Lord Prince release you if you learn to… fix hair, why could he not just free you now? No offence Captain Tweedle, but that does not make a lot of sense to me.”

It took a few minutes to explain to Jayne how they had come to be in this predicament. And a just a little longer to explain their current progress. The entire conversation threatened to bog down on the why’s of Kai’s seemingly irrational demands, until Stanley finally pointed out, ‘The dead do not have to make sense.’

Although still a bit confused and disbelieving, Jayne seemed to quickly reach a decision as she heard a rattle in the door lock. “Here,” she hissed, swiftly snatching a few pins out of her hair and thrusting them at Xev.

As the door swung open Jayne hastily placed Xev’s mostly untouched plate on the tray, and began to gather up all the rest of the breakfast dishes.

Stanley, glanced at the door and snagged a piece of bread and a few small sausages placing them out of sight under the table just as his plate was whisked away.

As soon as the door shut behind Jayne, Stanley offered Xev a share of the bread and sausages.

“No thanks Stan,” Xev said, showing him the fragrant yellow fruit that she had snatched off the tray as Jayne was turning to leave. “You keep them, I’ll eat this.”
They grinned at eat other as they ate the flinched food. It wasn’t much, but it would tide them over until dinner.

“Tell you what Xev, from now on, while one of us talks the other one should eat.”

“No, Stan, I’ll tell you what. You finish up your hair pins, and I will make this bun form thing and we will be out of here by Breakfast! Oh! Speaking of pins, here.”

Swallowing the last bit of sausage into his mouth, Stanley accepted the hair pins from Xev.

“Great Xev. Using these as a pattern, I should have some pins made in an
hour or so. How long do you think it will take you to make a form?”

quote[quote]**** SECTION 14 ****[/quote]
Prince glanced out his open office window, down into the courtyard Kai was teaching advanced hand to hand fighting techniques to a few dozen of his more trusted guards. The men chosen by Prince for the advanced training were ones he had marked as dissatisfied with either the emperor or the former governor.
Satisfied that Kai was within call should he be required, Prince turned his attention to the report he had just received from one of his spies.

A shadow fell upon his face as he opened the report and read the news contained within. While this spy was a low level personage and was unable to confirm what the Emperors envoy was charged to do, he did add the unwelcome news that the former governor was traveling in the envoy’s company, and was apparently in very high spirits.

Fortunately, no one was near to see the change that came over Prince. His face darkened and his eyes narrowed into malevolent slits. If someone had been present, they would have had the uncanny sensation that the light was fleeing from the room as Prince’s narrowed eyes flashed in the gathering shadows. Prince sat very still, his face briefly contorting into something that was unpleasantly not quite human.

Few things angered Prince more than someone *not * honoring their deal. While there could be several reasons that the former governor was traveling here, and in good spirits, this had the look of a broken deal. Perhaps the emperor did not realize how Important it was that people honor their agreements.

Finally the stillness broke and an evil grin slid across Prince’s face. Perhaps, he thought as he stoked his lower lip, his advancement in this country was going to come sooner than later. After all, if the emperor wishes to disregard his previous agreement… Prince glanced out of the window, his grin widening at the sight of the dead man.

Prince reflected on how very pleasant it would be to bait this envoy into attempting to do him physical harm in the emperor’s name. That would surely invoke a protection response from Kai. And if the actual threat of violence came from the Emperor, well then the only way that he could be completely safe was if the Emperor was also eliminated. Prince was very sure that he could convince Kai of this necessity, especially if the conflict endangered Stanley and Xev also.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Xev grimaced as she exited the sanitary chamber and glanced over at the intent Stanley. He seemed totally focused and confident in his project and was busily smoothing his bits of wire on the stone windowsill while apparently singing under his breath some fast little tune that he was smoothing, bobbing and toe tapping to.

Several hours of soaking small branches and getting sopping wet had yielded her one rather lumpy and uneven wreath. She was amazed at how much harder it was to weave the little wreaths. She had lost count of the number of them that had fallen apart in her hands, forcing her to start over and over again. And no amount of twisting or tucking was sufficient to get her a symmetrical wreath that was even worth trying to wrap for smoothness.

With one last squeeze, trying to force the wreath into a more circular shape, Xev placed the misshaped little bundle of twigs on the table. Dropping down in her chair, she sighed silently and examined her red, sore hands. What she wouldn’t give for a proper form, like the ones that Jayne had described.

Leaning back, she was hard pressed not to be annoyed with Stanley. He had two largish piles of metal wire he was working on, apparently one finished and one not. Granted he still had to bend them into shape, but that did not seem like it would be much of a difficulty for him. While she was of course glad that the hair pin problem was being solved, Stanley’s happy demeanor was irritating her.

Xev leaned her head back and tried to think of a way to even out her wreath. Of course, since she had been thinking of nothing else since beginning it, no new idea presented itself. Pressing her hands to her temples, she tried to ignore the tapping and scratching sounds and think! Unfortunately the scratching noise was necessary… and Stanley would have to be barefoot before the tapping noise would be low enough not to be irritating.

With a mental snort at the chances of Stanley taking off his boots for anything short of sex, Xev pressed her hands over her ears and closed her eyes. After all, she wasn’t that desperate to see Stan in his shorts and socks even if it meant a few minutes of blessed silence.

Xev’s eyes flew open as she jumped from her chair. Socks! Little fabric tubes that could be stuffed with, with… grass!

“I find it difficult to ignore your useless existence when you jump around like that,” 790 groused from the corner of Stan’s bed. “Obviously your drowning of defenseless vegetation didn’t work, so why don’t you go try it on yourself?”

“Shut up 790. Stanley,” she called. “Stan, I need your socks, quick give them to me.”

“My socks? Xev are you nuts?”

“Yes… no… grrrr,” she growled almost stamping her feet in impatience. “Give me your socks… Now. Right now. I want to use them to make a bun form with.”

Stanley lay down the piece of wire he had been smoothing and stood up shaking his head. With a slight groan he straightened up his back, and stretched, while he considered Xev’s odd request. An irreverent part of his brain whispered to him that men who were four thousand and forty plus years old, did not need to spend that much time being hunched over.

“Now Xev, what are you planning? And why can’t you use something besides my socks? These are brand new. Do you know how long it has been since I had a pair of brand new socks?”

“Yes, since yesterday.” She retorted completely unmoved by the wistful note in his voice. “Now hand them over Stan.”

“Awww Xev…” Stanley hung his head grimacing. “You know I meant before that. Besides, the cleaning lady took those back. These are new, and soft, and clean….” His voice took on a plaintive note, “Do you really have to have my socks?”

Xev advanced on him holding out her hand and grinning. “Hand ‘em over Stan.”

“Cripes, talking a man’s socks…” he grumbled as he dropped down on the bed and began unlacing his nifty new shoes.

790 hooted at bit at the bouncing he took as Stan flopped down on the bed. “Watch it Tweedle, you almost knocked me over!”

“Oh. Sorry robot head.” He apologized with an unrepentant tone, rolling his eyes a bit. “Heavens knows we wouldn’t want to do that…”

“What we would really like to do is kick you across the room….” He groused in a low undertone as he took off his left sock and handed it to the waiting Xev.”

Without even waiting for Stan to hand it to her, Xev snatched the second sock from his reluctant fingers the moment he pulled it off his foot. She then dashed into the sanitary chamber and immediately began hand washing the socks. Using one of the thick fluffy bath towels she squeezed the last of the water from the thin material and then placed the almost dry socks on the metal warming element in the bathroom to finish drying.

“I hope you’re happy Xev.” Stanley grumped from his resumed spot at the window.

“Oh Stan, I just know this is going to work, you watch, we will be out of here by breakfast.”

Xev’s smile blazed as she began sorting her grasses from the plants and meeting her glance, Stan couldn’t resist grinning back as he returned to work on his hair pins.

With a bit of grudging information from 790, Xev was able to stuff one of the now dry socks and tie both ends in what she and 790 judged to be the proper length, she then tucked the knotted side into the stuffing. After a bit of rolling the tube on the table, it had a uniform thickness.

She then tore a hole in the toe of the other sock, doubled it in half and carefully worked it over her tube to use as a sleeve joint. While this worked, it was not a very sturdy ring and the tube had a tendency to separate under the joining sleeve no matter how carefully she worked.

“You really are a stupid cow aren’t you Xev?” 790 inquired in a casual voice after watching her struggle repeatedly to keep a dip from appearing in the ring.

Stanley, looked up from his work and frowned. He had spent the last hour sandwiching the top half of the metal wires carefully between two window blind slats. Holding this tightly together he then used the stone window sill to bend then evenly around one side of the thin wooden slats. He had found that a final pinch at the ends, resulted in a very close cousin to the pins that Jayne had left as samples.

“You just stop that right now you hunk of junk,” he demanded. “Xev, you are doing a great job, don’t listen to that refugee from a trash heap.”

“Oh all right, I am sorry I called you a stupid cow. After all, you are more like a pig’s ear that has been made into a silk purse.”

Stan gathered up his pins and his chair and moved over to the table, smacking the robot head as he passed. “Look we can figure this out,” he said sitting down across from Xev. “After all, we are almost there.”

Xev smiled at Stan, but then noticed the sky outside the window.

“Stan! The sun is setting! We have to get this place cleaned up!”

~*~*~*~*~*~

[Anonymous]

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