Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones Review
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Okay, so it’s a week late… But I just got back on the net Tuesday and decided to do a review on it yesterday, so I started it today, I put some of my favourite quotes from the film in there too…
Before you read this, it contains Spoilers! So go see the film before reading this Review. When I went into the cinema, I expected the film to be better than The Phantom Menace. Now I LIKED The Phantom Menace alot, it’s just pretty much everyone else tore it apart. People claim it’s “The worst film they’ve ever seen” which is just ridiculous. It was good, it just didn’t live up to most people’s expectations. So Lucas had to make the people happy with this next film, although I haven’t heard many of the critics opinions yet, I have heard alot of people say it’s better than The Phantom Menace, and I have heard alot of Star Wars fans say it’s great. I agree…
As I got to the cinema, I realised I picked a wrong time to go see it. It was the day it came out at 4:40pm. I knew the cinema would be full but I didn’t expect it to be full of little screaming brats. The cinema was so full that I couldn’t even sit next to the 4 people I went with, so we had to find our own seats. When I sat down, I realised I was surrounded by a bunch of kids, not much older than 8 years old. I KNEW they would talk through the film and they did for the most part… When the familiar paragraph of writing of writing explaining the story so far appeared on the screen. Everyone cheered and making stupid noises, you could tell most of the people in the cinema had an I.Q of below 30 because I don’t think they made any attempt of reading what was on the screen. The start of the film caught everyone’s attention when the Senator’s ship got blown to pieces upon landing on Coruscant, luckily only the decoy was killed, the REAL Senator (Natalie Portman) was in a Naboo Starfighter. The Senator shed a tear when her decoy died in her arms (Decoys have feelings too you know!) Forgetting about the kids in the cinema, I was soon reminded they were there when they screamed out when Jar Jar Binks appeared on the screen. Thank God he only had a minor role, I don’t Dislike him that much, it’s just he reminds me of a sort of Walt Disney character, and Star Wars has no room for Disney as far as I’m concerned. The Jedi finally made an appearance, Obi Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen). They were talking in the lift on their way to see Senator Padme and Anakin was nervous about meeting Padme after not seeing her for 10 years. When they did finally meet, the kids in the cinema started talking again, it seems they HAD to talk when the talking bits were on (the most important parts). Anyway, I could just about make out what they were saying… Anakin’s Paranoia kicked in as he says to Obi Wan “She didn’t even notice me!” but we all know that’s not true. The Jedi are issued to protect the Senator, as they wait outside her room at night, Obi Wan reminds Anakin of the committment he made to the Jedi Order and to not let his feelings betray him. Meanwhile, 2 mysterious figures talk on a balcony (Jango Fett and Zam Wessel) Jango Fett gives Zam 2 poisonous insects to Assassinate the Senator. So she puts the 2 insects in a flying droid thing and it flies off to the Senator’s bedroom where the 2 insects slip into her room un-noticed. The 2 Jedi outside sense the danger and immediately barge in and destroy the insects. Obi Wan sees the flying droid outside and jumps through the window and grabs hold of it. The droid takes Obi Wan flying through the twilight sky of Coruscant… As the droid flies back to it’s master, Zam Wessel notices Obi Wan clinging on to it, so she picks up some kind of Sniper Rifle and blasts the droid, causing Obi Wan to fall. Luckily, Anakin is there to save the day and catches Obi Wan in a yellow speeder. Zam jumps in her own speeder and a high speed chase ensues… After a thrilling chase through the city (One of the best parts of the film in my opinion) The Jedi finally lose the Bounty Hunter, Obi Wan thinks all hope is lost but Anakin says “If you’ll excuse me…” and leaps off the side of the speeder. Obi Wan looks down and says “I hate it when he does that!” Anakin falls conveniently onto Zam Wessel’s speeder. As she tries to shake him off, her faces changes into some kind of alien for a split second. Anakin uses his lightsaber to destory the controls on her speeder, this causes the speeder to crash down into the city. As they both recover, Zam runs into a nearby Bar. Anakin goes after her but Obi Wan catches up with him (He followed them both in the speeder) and says to Anakin “Be patient, he went in their to hide, not run.” So they both went in the Bar looking for the Bounty Hunter. Obi Wan goes for a Drink at the Bar while Anakin searches for Zam. Zam tries to sneak up on Obi Wan but Obi Wan sensed it and quickly strikes the gun out of her hand with the lightsaber (This reminded me of when Obi Wan sliced that alien’s arm off in the Mos Eisley Bar in A New Hope). Obi Wan and Anakin drag her outside while Anakin says to everyone in the Bar “This is Jedi Business”. Outside they question her and ask her who is trying to kill the Senator. As she is about to say who it is she gets shot. The Jedi turn around and see someone take off to the skies in a Jet-Pack. Zam Wessel changes to her original form, some kind of alien… and dies. The next day at the Jedi Temple, Obi Wan is ordered to track down the Bounty Hunter trying to kill the Senator and Anakin Skywalker is instructed to protect the Senator and escort her to Naboo. Obi Wan takes the bullet that was used to kill Zam Wessel to his old friend, Dex. Dex says that it was made by the Kimonan’s. So Obi Wan goes to Kimona which isn’t in the archive because someone deleted it. Who could have deleted it? My money is on Count Dooku. On Naboo, Padme and Anakin get closer and closer. One night, Anakin declares his undying love for her… “I’ve been in agony ever since you came back into my life” he says. After a long talk they decide to forget their feelings. On Kimona, Obi Wan discovers that they have been building a clone army for the Republic, the clones have been made from one man, his name is Jango Fett. In return, Fett wanted reasonable pay and one clone for himself, without the growth acceleration or anything else. Obi Wan meets up with Jango with his son Boba and questions him about the clones. Fett gives Obi Wan no valuable information, so Obi Wan leaves. Obi Wan gets in touch with the Jedi Council and tells them what he’s seen. They instruct him to capture Jango Fett and bring him to them for questioning. Back on Naboo, Anakin has a nightmare about his mother being in pain, he decides he has to go see her, so Anakin and Padme go back to Tatooine… Meanwhile, back on Kimona in the pouring rain at the landing platform, Obi Wan catches up with Jango and Boba just as they’re about to leave, Jango orders Boba to get inside the ship. Jango fires at Obi Wan who deflects the bullets with his lightsaber. Jango takes off in his Jet-Pack and fires a missile at Obi Wan which knocks his lightsaber out of his hand. Obi Wan goes to grab it but Jango ties his hands with wire he shot from his arm. Obi Wan manages to knock Jango off the side but Obi Wan falls down with him because he’s still tied to the wire. Jango manages to pull himself up and he quickly gets into Slave I (his spaceship) Obi Wan tries to catch him but he’s too late, Slave I takes off but Obi Wan manages to throw a tracking device on the ship (This part was amazing, definately the best part next to the Final Battle). On Tatooine, Anakin learns from Watto that he sold his mother to a moisture farm owner named Lars who freed her then married her. When Anakin arrives, he finds out that his mother was captured by Tusken Raiders. Without hesitation, he goes looking for her. Obi Wan catches up with Jango Fett just outside of the planet Geonosis. Both ships enter an Asteroid Field where Jango Fett releases Seismic Charges. First of all you see a bright light then all of a sudden a HUGE noise. Obi Wan manages to avoid everything Jango throws at him… “He just doesn’t seem to take a hint, this guy.” Eventually, Jango thinks he’s destroyed Obi Wan, but Obi Wan has landed the ship on an Asteroid (Reminded me of when the Millenium Falcon hid on the side of the Star Destroyer in Empire Strikes Back). Obi Wan follows Jango onto the planet Geonosis, he infiltrates one of the buildings and spies on a meeting led by Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) a former Jedi Knight. Obi Wan learns that Dooku is the Renegade leader, opposing the Republic. Anakin finally finds his mother but unfortunately he is too late, she dies in his arms. Anakin cries for a bit but his emotions soon turn to anger, he strikes down the Tusken Raiders with his lightsaber. Back on Geonosis, Obi Wan sends a message to Anakin to send to the Jedi Order (Coruscant was too far away for effective communication) Obi Wan goes to send the message to Anakin on Naboo but discovers that he is on Tatooine… “What in the blazes is he doing there?!” says Obi Wan, but he sends the message anyway. Anakin brings his mothers body back to the Lars Homestead to be buried. Anakin and Padme go inside to talk, Anakin blames himself for his mother dying, Padme tries to calm him down… “Your not all powerful you know…” she says. Anakin replies quickly “Yeah, well I should be!” Padme worries about Anakin and asks him what’s wrong, he says in reply… “I killed them all… everyone of them… not just the men… the women… the children! Every last one of them!” Padme has a shocked look on her face. This was clear evidence that Anakin was turning to the Darkside. Anakin and Padme recieve Obi Wan’s message and find out that he’s in trouble (The hologram showed he was attacked by Destroyer Droids) so they send the message to the Jedi Order and after some discussion, they decide to go to Geonosis and rescue him. The Jedi Order get the message on Coruscant and decide to use the Clone Army against Dooku and the Republic opposers. Anakin and Padme arrive at Geonosis with C-3PO and R2-D2, they land and enter the nearest building, the walls start to move as fly-type creatures emerge. They run from them and nearly fall off a bridge (This part reminded me of Leia and Luke escaping from the Death Star in A New Hope) They get knocked onto a conveyer belt, Anakin fights off the fly creatures while Padme tries to avoid being crushed by the machinery (This was a great part of the film). Eventually they are captured by Destroyer Droids and Jango Fett. They are taken to be executed, but just before they go into the arena, Padme tells Anakin that she loves him and wanted him to know that before they died. Padme and Anakin are taken into the arena where they see Obi Wan who is also tied up. Obi Wan has a puzzled look on his face. Anakin looks at him and says “We decided to rescue you, master.” Obi Wan looks up at his tied hands and sarcastically says “Good Job.” All 3 of them are tied to an individual pole, then the beasts are released, that’s the best way I can describe them, “beasts”. Padme manages to escape the chains and climbs on top of the pole away from danger. “She’s not supposed to do that! Shoot her… or something!” says Nute Gunray, Padme’s long-time enemy. As the other beast attacks Obi Wan, he dodges out of the way and the beast cuts Obi Wan’s chain loose. Anakin is in trouble as a Rhino-type beast charges towards him, but Anakin jumps on top of it and holds on to it, as the beast tries to escape, he breaks Anakin’s chain loose aswell. Anakin manages to ride the beast and picks up Obi Wan and Padme. The escape is short-lived as Destroyer Droids surround them. As Count Dooku and co. watch on the balcony, Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) appears from the shadows and puts his lightsaber by Jango Fett’s neck… “This party’s over.” Then dozens of Jedi emerge and a huge battle ensues. Obi Wan and Anakin are tossed a lightsaber and Padme grabs hold of a blaster. After a long battle with some stunning special effects, the battle stops, the Jedi are clearly outnumbered by Battle Droids and Geonosians… “Surrender now and your lives will be spared” says Dooku. The Jedi don’t give up though, as they begin to fight again, Yoda flies in with a dozen spaceships with Kimonian Clone Troopers (The Army of the Republic) and the tables are turned. The most noteable event in the battle was the fight between Mace Windu and Jango Fett, it was short lived when Mace Windu ultimately sliced Jango Fett’s head clean off with his purple lightsaber, Jango Fett’s son Boba saw it all. Realising the numbers were against them, Dooku and co. retreated and the Jedi and the Clone Troopers chased after them. At the ruins of the battlefield, Boba Fett picked up his father’s head and leaned his head against it in devastation (Maybe it was witnessing his father’s death that made him such a bad guy later on…). The Jedi chased Dooku in a spaceship, they finally caught up with him… “It’s Dooku, SHOOT HIM DOWN!!” Screamed Anakin. Two enemy ships from behind fired at the ship and caused Padme to fall to the sand below, Anakin vowed to go after her, but Obi Wan wouldn’t allow it… “Don’t let you personal feelings get in the way!” Obi Wan said. Anakin reluctantly agreed in the end and they followed Dooku to a nearby Hanger. As they finally catch up with him, they equip their lightsabers, Obi Wan says to Anakin “You take him slowly from the left, I’ll go in from the…” Anakin cuts him off… “I’m taking him now!” Anakin charges at Dooku but is overpowered by Dooku’s Jedi Powers. Obi Wan has no choice but to take him on his own, it’s a hard fought battle until Dooku gets the upper hand and takes Obi Wan out, he goes to finish him off but Anakin barely saves him, Anakin tries to fight back but gets his arm cut off. It seems there’s no hope for the Jedi but small footsteps can be heard, Dooku looks shocked as Yoda appears from the shadows… Dooku used his powers to summon his surroundings towards Yoda but Yoda who is equally as powerful just threw them back. The audience in the cinema burst out laughing when Yoda did a Kung-Fu stance. I don’t know why they laughed, I thought it was a good moment in the film. Yoda brought out his lightsaber and attacked Dooku with flips and spins. This was the first time we saw Yoda with the lightsaber in any Star Wars films and it was way cool! Dooku new he couldn’t defeat Yoda so he made haste and exited. Back at the Jedi Temple… Obi Wan, Mace Windu and Yoda discussed the events… “I must admit, if it wasn’t for the clones then we wouldn’t have had a victory…” said Obi Wan. Yoda disagreed, he claimed the Clone War was far from over… Back at Naboo, Padme and Anakin are gettin married, Anakin has a false arm attatched, the couple share a intimate kiss as the film ends and the familiar credits play.
Whoa! I think that’s the longest Review I’ve ever done! Oh well, it was a great film… It took a more darker and mature approach than The Phantom Menace and it turned out to be a hell of alot better. Out of 10 I would give it a 11. This is the best film to hit the cinema in years, In my opinion. Now I just can’t wait for Episode III…
I went to see it on opening day at 1 pm while school was still in session so I could avoid a theater full of screaming, crying kids. Babies should never be taken to movies. Even if the movie is a romantic comedy, the darkness and the giant images on the screen must be terrifying for them.
Me and my friends went to see it Monday for a second time, this time at 1:30pm when the kids were in school (We are on Study Period) and still there were a few kids there, and one woman had her baby with her and it cried through the most part of the film. It really annoys me, the baby can’t understand the film!! The woman didn’t even take the baby outside when it was crying. It was really irritating!
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