Belly up to the bar, Drinks are on me!

*hic* No worriesh, I’ll have athyning you ‘ave. Jusht pooor it inta m’glassere, and heyey, I’ll drinkit. No problemoosoindeedee, ‘cos the thing is. The thing is. The thing is, I’m not pickle….pookie….piggy….CHOOSY, yeah, thatsit, choosy, sheee? ‘Cos when you’ve had as much hexperience thingamajiggy as I, yes, I, super_joe_yamaman, at *hic* drinkinging, no worries,you….

[i]super_joe_yamaman’s eyes glaze over, then….[/i]

Heey, why doyou, *hic*, whydoyouthink it’s called Mad Dog 20/20, hmmmm? I mean, Mad Dog, I can unnertsand, ‘cos you know, that wossname, that hair of the dog thingy, but tweneetwenee? ‘Snot as if you got 20/20 vissin after you drik id. It. Drink it.

*hic*

Where wosh I? Nevevever mind. Haaay, izzat a kareeokay set?

*ahem*

[i]super_joe_yamaman steps up to the karaoke machine and in a surprisingly deep baritone, with the words to Britney Spears’s ‘Overprotected’ on the screen, sings….[/i]

I am the very model of a modern Major General
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
(with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse)
(with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse)
(with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse)

I’m very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major General
(in short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral)
(he is the very model of a modern Major General)

I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’s
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from the ‘Frogs of Aristophanes’!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense ‘Pinafore’
(and whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense ‘Pinafore’)
(and whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense ‘Pinafore’)
(and whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense ‘Pinapinafore’)

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev’ry detail of Caractacus’s uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major General
(in short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral)
(he is the very model of a modern Major General)

In fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon” and “ravelin”
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by “commissariat”

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy
You’ll say a better Major General has never sat a gee
(you’ll say a better Major General has never sat a gee)
(you’ll say a better Major General has never sat a gee)
(you’ll say a better Major General has never sat a sat a gee)

For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major General
(but still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral)
(he is the very model of a modern Major General)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ROCK AND ROLL BAYBEEEEEEEEEEE!

*urk*

Eckshcuse me a minute, I gottta go*urk*

[i]super-_joe_yamaman runs out of the bar. Outside, the sound of someone being noisily sick can be heard. It is, unsurprisingly perhaps, much more entertaining than the music.[/i]

*grimaces at the hurling sounds of MadDog 20/20* Hope there was some vegetation out there.

Here ‘ya go dgre! Nothing like a bit of cool irish to keep you warm. [img]images/smiles/icon_wink.gif[/img]

*finds the Karaoke machine fascinating and decides to embarass herself with her favorite song- [b]Ballad of Magellan[/b] from Animaniacs.*

There once was a man
His name was Magellan
A Portuguese skipper
The girls found him cute
He sailed with five ships
To find the East Indies
Then come back to Spain
With a bounty of loot

Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Oh happy Magellan
Starting your journey
With hardly a care
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Strong, brave Magellan
You’ll find the East Indies
You just don’t know where

They crossed the Atlantic
And spotted a country
Magellan said
It’s the East Indies at last!
But then someone shouted
Hey, that’s Argentina!
Magellan got cranky
And chopped down the mast

Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Settle down, Magellan
Put down that axe
There’s no time to despair
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Keep trying, Magellan
You’ll find the East Indies
You just don’t know where

A great storm arose
In the mighty Pacific
The five little ships
Were diminished to three
At last land was sighted
Magellan was happy
But then someone shouted
Hey, that’s Chile!

Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Cheer up, Magellan
Check out your map
And don’t tear out your hair
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Keep trying, Magellan
You’ll find the East Indies
You just don’t know where

It took them five months
But they crossed the Pacific
They spotted a land
That was dotted with palms
Magellan proclaimed
Yes! That’s the East Indies!
But then someone shouted
Hey, I think that’s Guam!

Ay-yi-yi-yi
Oops, Magellan
Your fun little journey’s
Become a nightmare
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Keep trying, Magellan
You’ll find the East Indies
You just don’t know where

They sailed due west
To the Philippine Islands
Magellan was pleased
As the natives drew near
But then someone shouted
I think they’re attacking!
Magellan said…
…What?
And got hit by a spear

Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Farewell, Magellan
You almost made it
It’s really not fair
Whoopie ti-yi-yo
Oh, ghost of Magellan
The East Indies islands
Were right over there.

Transcribed by David Orozco

*sniffle* That calls for another drink. It’s tragic, truly tragic.

*pours out more for dgre and herself. Asks Lars to watch out for _joe because he doesn’t need to tangle with the ‘Dog anymore.*

How about some tequila?

[i]LoneGunman in typical Geordie fashion is still up and about… will of steel and stomach of cast-iron keep him at the bar downing Broon Ale in industral quantities.. [/i]

*Talks to bartender..*
Jeez man this lot cannae hold their beer.. a bottle or tow of brron ale in the punch bowl and look what happened to them.. [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Hey mate.. since whe’re in Hawaii you able to put the toon game on?

*Bartender turns on the telly, toon game is on.. Man U down 2 goals*

TOON TOON, BLACK ‘N WHITE ARMY!!
*Celebrates with a vat of vodka and begins to feel the effects of the drink..*

NEWCASTLE NEWCASTLE 2 NILL TO THE CHAMPIONS 2 NILL TO THE CHAMPIONS YOUR CR@P AND YOU KNow u arrrrreeeeeee oh your all maccums arnt you

[i]bekka finishes shouting like a luni and sits at the bar and stares at the karioke [/i]

songs on that machine always sound so monotone (i have a cunning plan!)

[i]she gets up and walks to the door before suddenly realizing she forgot her stuff. bekka is halfway out the door when lars taps her on the sholder and takes the TV back[/i]

heeeyyyy …leave some o’ the the the broon stuff fer meeee (hic) wh wh who’s that guy next to Larshh … me not knnow he had a twin bro brither (belch) oops.. ‘scuse me.. heyy handsome.. let me buy you a drinkkk.. (crash)(smash) owww f***.. who left this person in the middle of the floor..

quote:

---

Originally posted by super_joe_yamaman:
[i]A tall,blond haired man who looks like a cross between Adonis, Fabio, Brad Pitt and Pierce Brosnan walks in. Heavily muscled, he nevertheless displays a grace that would make a prima ballerina weep with frustration and join a monastery. His magnificence is such, even sober people would swear that a faint heavenly followed this man wherever he went. [/i]

---

*gets a funny look on her face* I think i’m in love.

quote[quote][i]JOE-YAMA-SUPERHUMAN then strides out the door. A silence of awe and adulation follow him.[/i][/quote]

HEEEEY! Didn’t you forget to pick up a certain yamaman???

[ 23-03-2002: Message edited by: Praxilla ]

Hello everyone! I’m back, and thanks to my marvelous brother, I’m sober! Y’know, it’s actually good to feel like this! No hangovers, no DT’s, no nothing! I feel like a whole new man! I mean, it was a new experience to wake up in the morning without some evil imp jackhammering my head. So now with all of you as my witnesses, I swear that I will never….

[i]The TV catches super_joe_yamaman’s eye. An image of a child casualty of war in some unknown country flashes across the screen.[/i]

I will never….

[i]A journalist speaking about the effects of global poverty and famine in poor nations is displayed.[/i]

Will never….

[i]A report about the sorry state of press freedom, human rights and democracy, especially in Burma, China, Malaysia and other countries is shown. super_joe_yamaman sighs.[/i]

Ah to hell with it. Give me your strongest drink, bartender, and make it a decaple. That’s Latin for ‘ten’. [img]images/smiles/icon_sad.gif[/img]

[i]super_joe_yamaman proceeds to drink it all up.[/i]

Anoother, pleashe. Shame ordering.

WHOO HOO!!!! What a song!!!!

Hey Joe,

Can I tell you a little story?

Once upon A time there was a forest with a river beside it. One day there was a fire in the forest and all the animals escaped to the other side. They all looked back in sadness at the place that was their home for so long and wept. One little bird also shed tears but then a strange thing happened. That little bird began swooping down in to the river and picking up one drop of water flew over the fire and dropped the drop into the inferno.
The bird repeated this behavior at the amazement of the other animals and soon they begin to laugh at her. They asked “What are you doing you silly bird? You can’t put out that fire with one drop of water even if you spend your life doing it.” The bird took a breath and said ” I know, but at least I know I tried and a river, waterfall, or an ocean begins with one drop of water. ” And with this the little bird returns to its task.
It’s all in your actions Joe; and how you feel you want to give; remembering a single drop of water is the beginning of an ocean. the reward; you know you did what you could do.

Enough of that; whose next to sing? [img]images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img] [QUOTE] “You got to fight…
For your right….
To Parrrrrrrty!!!!
The Beastie Boys

[img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] and maybe if we ask nicely thevodkacircle will give us a few songs. not that i don’t like the karaoke singing, i love it, but we need to let our house band have some fun too! [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

[i]Sitting the bar with the faint sound of a heavenly chorus emanating from around him, the very act making his seat an object of religious significance to all the bar’s women, his halo of golden light almost obscuring his finely chiseled romance novel hero face, JOE-YAMA-SUPERHUMAN listens to mandra k’s story, then turns to his not-quite-as perfect brother.[/i]

[img]images/smiles/icon_cool.gif[/img]Verily, mine sibling, that tale hath much merit in its words, and much wisdom hath its teller, in knowing it. Heed his words, for they shalt help thee in facing the vagaries of our lives. I for one, shall remember this tale, and take its words to heart. [img]images/smiles/icon_cool.gif[/img]

[i]super_joe_yamaman raises towards mandra k and his brother his glass, his seventeenth. So far. In the last ten minutes.[/i]

Yur, that’s right mandy kay! I thought that was verra boot….beet….bootylicious? Nevermind, what m’brother sed. The necksht round is onna me! To wossname, for inshpiring me to deeder greats! ([i]he topples over, spilling his drink over him. It is of course, Mad Dog 20/20. JOE-YAMA-SUPERHUMAN sighs[/i])

[img]images/smiles/icon_cool.gif[/img]’Tis a most sad sight, this, my own flesh and blood sprawled unceremoniously unto the floor. But what may’st I do? He is my brother, and I must do my duty by him. :cool [img]images/smiles/icon_sad.gif[/img][i]Turns to snooklepie[/i]) Milady, I must compliment thee on thy singing. I hath heard few who could match thee in both voice and melody.

[i]JOE-YAMA-SUPERHUMAN then looks at AltairEgomaniac waiting for autographs with a pained look on his finely chisel’d features.[/i]

[img]images/smiles/icon_cool.gif[/img]My good sir, while thou art waiting for the praise which thou undoubtedly deserve [i](the halo dims and the heavenly choir stops while he says this)[/i], why not thou allow the house band display their diverse talents? I hath heard their music, and though I wish to offend thee not, I must say that their music is in diverse ways better than thine[i](the halo’s brightening and the heavenly choir’s singing is amplified so much while he says this, that for a while, JOE-YAMA-SUPERHUMAN has to pause while the halo dims down and people can see again, and the singing lowers to a point where he doesn’t have to shout to say anything)[/i]
and that I for one, would like to listen to them[i](once again, the blinding halo and deafening singing, as well as the wait)[/i]. [img]images/smiles/icon_cool.gif[/img]

[i]super_joe_yamaman, who’s woken up by this time, downs another Mad Dog[/i]

YEEEAAAHHH! Let’sh have the VodkaShircle! Let’sh have vodka! Let’sh have a vodka and Mad Dog chasher! Let’sh shebrilate my nout votim….vrooming….PUKIN’ yet! YEEEEEHAAAAA!

[ 25-03-2002: Message edited by: super_joe_yamaman ]

oh, Superhuman… you have been my knight in shining armour tonight.. and you do know how to flatter a girl. would like my autograph? it’ll be worth more than that other idiot’s… [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] i’m going to be a star, you know…
(crash, slump..)

I think your bro wants picking up off the floor again…

Barkeep!! Newky Brown please, no glass..a mineral water for this handsome devil by my side, …..and a bucket for this idiot on the floor. he doesn’t look too well…

OY! Here’s another one to put a tear in your beer.

ALL GONE

Here I sit once again.
Wondering why we must sin.
Has a generation lost it’s imagination?
Or are they scared to admit
The mystic in all of us?
They don’t need mind altering,
just look deep, be true…
When you sleep the same control
Can come to you.
Listen to what is being said,
do it naturally or you’ll be dead.
Maybe not your body,
More often your head.
Listen, please to the spirits
Deep in your heart.
If you deceive them,
The rage will tear you apart.
They demand to have a say,
They will not be ignored,
don’t look the other way.
They will grow stronger
Beyond your control.
If you don’t listen,
They’ll swallow you whole.
Nothing left

Nothing left…

Nothing left…
No soul.

*gestures to bartender* Another Diet Pepsi please.

[ 26-03-2002: Message edited by: Praxilla ]

[i]Sitting at the bar, too drunk to notice his brother having a mineral water with a lady, too drunk to notice the jealous ladies holding clubs with nails in behiind the lady, super_joe_yamaman surveys the generally gloomy mood in the bar,not including his brother’s date’s bliss nor the jealousy of the ladies behind her.[/i]

Sheeeeeeeeesh, why is, hmmm? Whyis everybodydy so gloody bloomy t’night, hey? I mean, this is a pub, for wossname’s sake! Evybroddy’sh shupposed t’ be happy,laughing, kittens in a field fulla lambs with flour in their curls,that sorta thing!

Rallight, thatsh it, I’ma gonanana pub upthis brighten even if it’sh the lasht wossname I thingy.

[i]super_joe_yamaman steps up to the karaoke machine. Luckily for him, Lars is in the bathroom.[/i]

Yeah, uh, uh
Yeah
It’s the world’s greatest
It’s the world’s greatest
C’mon, yeah
The world’s greatest

I am a mountain, I am a tall tree, oh
I am a swift wind sweepin’ the country
I am a river down in the valley, oh
I am a vision and I can see clearly

If anybody asks you who I am
Just stand up tall
Look ’em in the face and say

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

(The world’s greatest, yo)
(The world’s greatest ever)

I am a giant, I am an eagle, oh
I am a lion, down in the jungle
I am a marchin’ band, I am the people, oh
I am a helping hand, I am a hero

If anybody asks you who I am
Just stand up tall
Look ’em in the face and say

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

In the ring of life I’ll reign love
And the world will notice a king
When all is darkest, I’ll shine a light
And use a success you’ll find in me

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

I saw the light
At the end of a tunnel
Believe in the pot of gold
At the end of the rainbow
And faith was right there
To pull me through, yeah
Used to be locked doors
Now I can just walk on through
Hey, uh, hey, hey, hey
It’s the greatest
I’m that star up in the sky

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

[i]super_joe_yamaman, steps down from the mike. Although there are tears in his eyes, there is also a smile on his face. “Dedicated to Mohammed Ali, MY hero” he whispers.[/i]

Yikes, make room;the pretty boys are here!!

I got to get out of here before it gets too strange. You know, when a guy angles a chair so he can look at himself all night in the mirror behind the bar. Hey Narccissus you want to park the chariot outside or may be you should go; they may need that on Olympus this evening.
IS THERE ONE GOOD MAN IN HERE THAT DOES NOT BUY INTO THE ILLUSION THAT GOOD LOOKS EQUATE GOOD PERSON?????

Alright i’M CALM, I need a shot; no no no, Mad Dog and I have danced too close to edge, thank you very much.

C’mon somebody sing; I’m sorry I spoiled the evening; I just get so frustrated sometimes. It’s silly how we place value on some things and ignore the more important things. May be I should borrow the chariot and have Pegasus whisk me away to another place.

[i]Mandara’s head hits the table; out cold[/i]

[img]images/smiles/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img] Praxilla why did you have to hurt our karaoke machine? how else are we going to keep super joe from hitting on the ladies! [img]images/smiles/icon_razz.gif[/img] [img]images/smiles/icon_wink.gif[/img]

[img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [i]Lars i believe it is time to break out that tool kit and see if you can fix it.[/i] [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Bekka walks over to the bar wering a lot of black and looking very gothic. (the gothic thing is not that unusual but there is a definate reduction in material)

downs a pint of larger and lime and looks at the two “heros”. after about 5 mins trying not to laugh she says

“so which one of you wants a fight?”

[img]images/smiles/icon_mad.gif[/img]

[img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] okay the karaoke machine is fixed. [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]
and to all the ladies holding clubs with nails in them, if you give the clubs to Lars i will give you all champagne and pizza. [img]images/smiles/icon_wink.gif[/img] [img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

[I]Mandara K stumbles out from the back room; bleary-eyed and confused.

Where am I? Oh yeah, wasn’t I here last night?

Gosh, I need coffee, Tylenol, and a cigarette in that order.

What’s going on? What did I miss?

Hey, is there going to be a fight? I sense
blood in the air; I guess I’ll sit over here quietly and watch the action; hey I’m all for a good fight if it is clean, fair and not over something assinine like….. men, or just because you think you should be tough. That’s crap. Violence never solved a damn thing; but don’t let me stop you; kick the **** out of each other if you want to; as long as no body else gets hurt and since your hand isn’t on the big red button to blow us to kingdom come, get it out of your system so the rest of us can enjoy the evening.

Or all this tough talk just fore-play, hmm? I say, skip the violence then and just take your little lover’s spat outside.

I WANT COFFEE NOW!!!! Please.

Who is going to sing? I WANT REGGAE!!!!!

ok i wont agrivate the heros if you fill my glass with shampers.

(who thinks marilyn mansons verion of tainted love is the best so far, are u with me?)

bekka leves the pub after downing her free drink and sings stash up

i dont give a F***
not a single F***
not a single solitary F***
no i dont give a F*** mother F***er

(sorry i dont know much older rock)

I haven’t heard MM like that before; I think I may have to investigate that.

Wasn’t he in that move Jawbreaker too?

Anyway, where was I?

The story; LL “ignorance is bliss” basically; that’s a great attitude if the world was perfect; but it’s not and as time progresses this world will be harder and harder to live on. The ice walls are melting in Antartica; no relation? It means the seas will rise and coastal cities may have bigger problems and more water; warmer seas mean more El Nino, changes in weather, that adds up to tough times for us. So you can take the ignorance method; after all,
you or I won’t live forever; but if you have kids or hope to, what kind of future do you leave them?
Don’t get me wrong; I love to have a great time; but life is balancing it all out.
I don’t consider myself a hero at all; I’m just trying to get by like you. Sometimes, just sometimes, though; you have to stand up to people and situations; otherwise nothing changes. So I chose to live a life of action not reaction. You chose your own way.
You can react violently and that changes things, yes, this is true; but what has that done for any of us? Violence begets violence and we all take 2 steps back really to the cave; we all die because we blow up the planet over piddly stuff or natural disasters destroy it for us and we all perish.

Hell, what do you care? You’ll be in heaven right after you die (doubtful) or you’ll just be wormfood (wasted life)

You see what I’m like if I don’t get coffee; you don’t even want to go there if It’s MadDog.

Mandara K [img]images/smiles/icon_mad.gif[/img]