a friend of mine died
*swallowing back the lump in my throat*
I know. I’m sorry.
*sniff* You know that we are close in age.
*damnit, why do I always go off in a millions tears when I talk like this?*
I’ve lost everyone except my closest family.
My Mom, brothers and uncle are all that are left.
I shouldn’t get so upset over this, I know it. I’ve been there (seen the other side, I drowned). It’s a place of ultimate joy and love – that universe that they’ve been transported to.
One day I will see it again. I revel in that fact. Living like death will never come, I finally have to face it.
Kirk spoke of it to Spock in one of the best written Spock/Kirk chats. I’m sure you remember it. We all live this folly, don’t we?
The best funeral I ever attended was a Buddist ceremony. The priest wore white and green. He decorated the dead with palm leaves. He said, instead of feeling sorry, we should look to the new life that will come for our friends. We should pray for strength for ourselves, for it is we who suffer needlessly. He spoke of life, and blessed us all. I was deeply moved.
That in contrast to the terrible torture of having to bury my father in a traditional Roman Catholic ceremony. He was 36 years of age – I’m 36 now…. I wonder if I will outlive him? How long do I really have? Everyday I wrestle with the emotions that torment me. I gather solace from darn silly programs like Lexx. I like to cover myself in emotional robes of black and dream of a painless death. Impossible. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons why I like Kai. He is the lover, brought back to life forever. He’s always there. Just my fantasy of what I’d like to have, but never can have. Gather your strength, weep, pray for your friend and for yourself. If I could send you my tears on a bottle, I would, to let you know how much I understand.
In the end, all souls meet and are joyous.
In the words of T’Pau, “I grieve with thee. Live long and prosper, FX.”