Nursewhen

A surfeit of bunnies

Bryn and Agent When get out of the Droolmobile. Bryn inspects the damage to the roof . Agent When follows him, clutching Chief Streudels MM-resistant goggles and wailing loudly.

But we can’t go to Halifax! We have to go and rescue poor Streudel! If only she’d worn her Acme MM-resistant goggles!

Bryn heaves a long suffering sigh “Do you know where she is?”

“No.”

“Then how are you going to rescue her?”

“But she could be facing a fate worse than death!”

“Yes,” replies Bryn, “I can hear her voice in my head. ‘Oh no! Please! Don’t Stop! More, MORE!'”

Agent When ponders this for a moment. “OK, sold, so how far is it to Halifax?”

“I’d say about 4 hours. Before we start, do you think you could change into something a little less… errr..” He makes a gesture with his hands. “Well I mean, a bit more… Errr…I mean a bit less…Umm…”

Agent When looks down at the belly dance costume which is looking a bit bedraggled and appears to have gained a chest wig on the front.

“I’ll go and change.” Agent When disappears into the Droolmobile where Marcus is now playing with the automatic window button. She returns moments later in her nurse’s uniform.

“What happened to Marcus? I hate to see him like this.”

Bryn looks in at Marcus who has returned to playing with his hair “It was the cloning process. It was terribly traumatic. Add to that the guilt. He felt he’d let everybody down when EGG finally found him. We need to get him to Jim Hattersfield. He may be able to help.
Well, there’s nothing I can do with the roof, we’ll just have to hope it doesn’t rain. So we may as well start. I’ll drive.”

Bryn and When get back into the Lexx-us Droolmobile.

“Err When.”

“Yes?”

“You know how I said I’d drive?”

“Yes?”

“Well that kinda implies that you’d occupy the passenger seat.”

“Oh, Do you want me to move?”

“Please, I’m feeling a bit crowded.”

After a couple of false starts, klaxons, kangarooing, setting off of the fireworks and an unfortunate incident with the passenger ejector seat, Bryn finally gets the Lexx-us Droolmobile moving in the correct direction

“So if he’s Kai, does that mean that you’re actually Stanley Tweedle?” Agent when asks, her eyes round as dinner plates.

“Well…yes”

“Can I call you Stan?”

“No, you can call me Bryn.”

“So do you actually wear those red overalls?”When’s knees start to shake.

“On occasion, but they’re in the StanVan.”

“So when we get the StanVan, would you…”

“No”

“What? Not even…”

“No, No, No.”

“Just the hat then?”

“I said NO! I’m not spending the foreseeable future carting around a *THUDDED* secret agent.”

Nurse When gives up and looks out of the Window.

“Bryn, there’s somebody in the road.”

“I see him.”

“No, there are two people in the road.”

Marcus suddenly propels himself forward, points and shouts “Bunny!”

“Oh God! It’s the Droolmobile on-line help assistant!”

“Sh*t! It’s Prince!” Bryn floors the accelerator.

“Bryn! He’s got a rocket launcher! Bryn, stop the Droolmobile! It’s an ‘Acme Serious-Bad- Day-You-didn’t-Like-That-Car-Anyway’ Rocket launcher! Stop the Droolmobile! They’ve got proximity triggers! STOP THE DROOLMOBILE!!”

Bryn slams on the brakes and the Droolmobile slews across the road, spins and comes to a rocking halt 50 yards from Prince. Prince shoulders the rocket launcher and saunters towards them. The rabbit, doubled over, trying to catch its breath follows behind.

Agent When thinks for a moment and then throws herself into the back seat and starts desperately strapping Marcus in.

“Bryn, we’re going to have to make a run for it. I don’t think Marcus’s up to it. He’s going to have to take his chances. Ow, stop pulling my hair!”

Once Marcus is strapped in she returns to the front seat.

“OK. I want you to open your door just a crack. I’m going to press this button and then we run like hell. OK?”

Agent When waits until Prince reaches the bonnet of the Droolmobile, then hits the button.

“GO,GO ,GO!” she shouts. She and Bryn tumble out of both sides of the Droolmobile and leg it in opposite directions. The Droolmobile describes an elegant 360 degree flip and lands on both Prince and the Acme on-line help assistant.

“Result!” Cries Agent When. She and Bryn return to the Droolmobile. Agent When opens the back door and looks in at Marcus.

“Whoo whoo! Again! Again!” He cries while excitedly waving his arms.

Bryn kneels beside the pathetic, fluffy body of the rabbit and checks its pulse.

“Is it dead?” asks agent When. “Oh please, don’t tell me it’s dead!” The rabbit groans.

“No, it’s not dead, in fact in may even be OK.”

“Oh, thank heavens for that!” Agent When rushes to the boot of the Droolmobile, pulls out the lead lined deep sea diving boots and start to put them on.

“What are you doing?” Asks Bryn in astonishment.

“I’m going to kick its bloody head in!” Agent when starts clanking across the grass towards it.

“You can’t do that!” Bryn tries to restrain her.

“Eight months! EIGHT SODDING MONTHS! I spent with that bloody thing constantly advising me down the air hose. ‘Neerrrr, what’s up DOC? I see you’re trying to build a conservatory, would you like some help? Neeerrrr, what’s up Doc? I see you’re trying to make a scale model of the Eiffel tower in jelly and ice-cream while balancing an umbrella on your nose, would you like some help?’ I tell you. It’s going to PAY!”

Bryn grabs hold of Agent When’s shoulders and holds her back.

“No, no, you can’t do that, it’s just a rabbit! Come on, let it go, get back into the Droolmobile.”

“Oh, I suppose you’re right.” Agent When removes the boots and sulkily throws them back into the vehicle. The rabbit groans again.

“Uber…” It mutters. Agent When stops in mid throw.

“What did it just say?”

“Sounded like Uber.”

Agent When takes a good look at the rabbit and starts to laugh.

“I don’t believe it, it’s the perfidious Fourthof5! She nudges him with her foot. What the devil happened to you?”

“Must save Streudel.” Groaned the rabbit.

“Well you’ve changed your tune! What happened?”

“I…I think I’m in love…I think?” Agent When grins knowingly.

“What’s happened?” asks Bryn.

“Oh, he’s been Ubered.”

“What’s that?”

Uber_Vixen, our best agent. Well our ex best agent. One look at those pixy ears and they’re lost. Turns ’em on, chews ’em up, spits ’em out. What an agent! What a woman! Pity she went over to the other side.”

Agent When notices that Bryn is giving her his best ‘Oh Yeah?’ look. She coughs.

“Of course, that’s a terrible way to behave *cough* wouldn’t catch me doing that! Oh No.”

“Is he dangerous?”

“Seems to spend most of his time being gassed, captured, stripped, squashed and glued into stupid costumes.”

“Maybe we should take him with us as a source of information.”

“Fine by me.”

“We’d better take a look at Prince.”

Bryn feels for Prince’s pulse. He draws back.

“Oh no, I think he’s dead.” Prince’s body suddenly turns to dust and vanishes.

“WOO YAY!” Shouts Agent When triumphantly.

“Woo Yay!” exclaims Bryn! There’s nothing woo yay about Prince dying!”

“I thought he was one of the bad guys?” says When in confusion.

“You haven’t seen series 3 have you?” Agent When bows her head in shame. “Well what sort of an agent are ye?” ( Bryn’s accent gets more pronounced when annoyed).

Agent When’s lower lip starts to tremble.

“If ye’d taken the time to read some of the episode guides n’all, ye’d know that Prince dead is not ‘Woo Yay!’, it’s bad, like really BAD, bad!”

Agent when lowers her head even more and starts helplessly twisting her handkerchief.

Bryn looks at the miserable agent, trying to hide her trembling lip and relents.

“Oh I’m sorry. I’m just upset, like he scares the pants off me.” Bryn gives Agent When a hug and pats her shoulder comfortingly.
“You’re a good agent, you’re doing a great job. You’re…”
He looks at agent When.

“You’re unconscious aren’t you.”

“…thud…”

Bryn helps agent When back into the Droolmobile and unstraps Marcus.
~~~~~~~

“OK” he says as he gets back into the driving seat. “Four hours to Halifax. Doesn’t matter if it rains because we’ve got the perfidious Fourthof5 strapped to the roof. Jim will sort out Marcus, decode the tooth, we’ll rescue chief Streudel. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Nerrrr What’s up Doc?”

Bryn and Agent When slowly turn round. The Acme on-line help assistant is chewing steadily on a carrot. Marcus has his arms wrapped round it and a look of bliss has suffused his face.

What will happen to our heroes? Will agent When get her revenge on the on-line help system? Will the Kai clone survive torturing chief Streudel? What the devil is Uber_Vixen up to in Germany? Who is Fifi? Tune in for the next exciting instalment of 00/911 the misadventures of agent Nursewhen

Streudel

If I have to pull this moth over, there’s gonna be trouble!

The clone swiftly reeled himself and his Streudel backpack on to the moth hovering above the speeding Droolmobile. He opened the eye lens and tossed the hapless EGG pilot overboard. Depositing his passenger in her seat, the clone took control of the moth and headed into the starry night.

Streudel sat transfixed, silently observing the clone. Finally, she lifted a hand towards his face. The clone looked as though he were about to object when he heard Streudel say in an inflection obviously not her own,

” Take Chief Streudel on board the Lexx. Place her in cryostasis, then rendezvous with Agent Vixen in Germany. There we will embark on Phase T…Oh, bugger!”

*CRASH* ”

Streudel’s eyes returned to their normal chocolate brown state. She swooned momentarily until she caught sight of blood trickling from the clone’s nose.

” You’re bleeding,” she said, retrieving a tissue from between her cleavage.

The clone offered no resistance to her gentle dabbing of his nose. Her task completed, Streudel gazed out the passenger side eye lens to avoid eye contact. She knew she was in deep trouble and needed to remain lucid as long as possible. She would’ve given anything to feel one of Agent When’s brutal pimpslaps at that moment.

” So…you’re human, huh? ” Streudel inquired awkwardly. Without something pornographic to say, she was utterly at a loss for words. The clone sat stonefaced.

” Good looking and a brilliant conversationalist,” Streudel remarked, ” Well, if this thing doesn’t have a radio, you gonna have to entertain me. ”

” I was instructed to deliver you to the Lexx. Prince did not give me instructions pertaining to in-flight entertainment. ”

” Well, you can ask Agent When about this one, if I’m not entertained on long trips, I say ‘ Are we there yet?’ incessantly until you do. Sing me a song. I’ll bet you know all the words to Yo Way Yo. ”

” The Dead do not take requests. Also, the song to which you refer is only to be sung when death is imminent. ”

” Well, first of all, you’re not dead. Secondly, I’m bored enough to
put this moth into a nose dive just to hear you sing it. Come on, just 4 measures…Sing it with me…Yo Way Yo…” Streudel began to sing in an annoying falsetto.

The clone attempted to ignore her babbling.

” I have to go potty. ”

” You can do that when we reach the Lexx. ”

” Nuh-uh. I ain’t plopping down on that freaky crapper. Besides, I’m
hungry…and before you say it, I’m telling you right now, I’m not giving a hand job to the Lexx just so I can eat something that looks like it fell out the Sphinxes nose.

” The clone’s jaw tensed and his expression darkened, but he did not reply.

” Let’s go to Mickey D’s. Buy me a Happy Meal. We can hit the drive thru…No, wait, I gotta pee, I guess we’ll have to eat in. Maybe we could stretch our legs in the McDonaldland Playplace. You’d like that, wouldn’t-”

” WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP,!!!” The clone shook with agitation as he levelled his brace at the back of Streudel’s head. ” I HAVE killed mother’s and their babies, y’know! It’s been a long time since I slaughtered a moth full of whiny passengers…”

” I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Prince wants me alive. ” Streudel replied smugly.

” I will pout at you. ” He warned.

” I’m not lookin’ and you can’t make me while you’re flying the moth. Ha! ”

” I’ll sing Barry White at you. ” He countered.

” If you do, I’ll sing right over top of you with the most god-awful
off-key rendition of the Barney song the Two Universes has ever been witness to. ”

” Chrissakes, I hate that song,” the clone muttered, sounding defeated.

” You are human alright. The Dead don’t get annoyed. So, if you’re human, and it seems like Prince is either dead, or hanging out in a TV set, which I hope is tuned to the Sci-fi channel, he deserves it, the rat bastard, then what’s stopping you from coming back to Earth with me and grabbing a Happy Meal? I promise I’ll stop whining. Where’s the Lexx parked anyway? I’ll bet it’s a looong trip. I can make it seem 100 times longer…If you take me to McDonald’s, I promise I’ll come back to the Lexx with you without saying another word to you. It’s the only way you’ll get any peace
until Prince takes one or both of us over again.

” The clone looked thoughtfully.

” I will do as you request.

Jeez, I’m glad that’s over with! Chief Streudel was even beginning
to annoy me! Will Streudel find a way to free the clone and herself from the mind control of Prince before he escapes his TV set? Will Prince order the Kai clone to kill John Edwards and Shannen Doherty when he does? Will Streudel finally shut the hell up when she gets her Happy Meal? Nah, probably not…All these questions and more to be answered in the next exciting instalment of 00911? The Misadventures of Agent When!

Fourthof5

Fourthof5 though dazed realised he was moving. He tried to move, but didn’t seem to be able to. He knew he was out in the open because he felt the rain beating down on him.

“Err, Hello? Is there anybody there?” He asked not really expecting an answer.

“You’re awake.” Said Agent When. “Good. Do you mind moving a little to the left your letting water run down my back.”

Fourth struggled and moved as best he could to his left.

“Thanks for that” Said When with a sigh of relief.

“Err, what am I doing tied up here”

“You’re the roof, apparently” Said Bryn as if that explained everything.

“Well I can tell you that its getting a little hairy up here. What with
all the tree branches coming at me and your erratic driving, When.”

Bryn chuckled “You’re right there pal.”

“Hey watch it.” moaned When.

” Is there any chance at all that I could come down?”

“No.” Said Brain and When at the same time.

“Any reason why not?”

“Because you an Evil EGG agent”

“Hmmm I suppose you have a point there. Listen I have to got to the toilet.”

“Too bad, we’re not stopping, we have to get Halifax in 20 hours.” Said When.

Fourth grinned evilly though none in the car could see it.

“I seem to be pointed in your direction, When.”

When hit the brakes as hard as she could. The car screeching and sliding all over the road before coming to rest.

“You wouldn’t dare” Said When.

Fourth chuckled again. “Can I go to the toilet now?” He asked.

“OK, Bryn Help me get him off the roof.”

When and Bryn pulled Fourth off the roof and began to untie him. “Wait” called When “Leave his feet tied, that why he won’t be able to run off.”

“Hey that’s not fair” fourth moaned but did not take it further, and
instead began making his way off the road. When watched Fourth hopping into the forest and smiled.

“Fitting that” she said.

“Indeed. What do you plan to do with him.” Asked Bryn.

“He has first hand knowledge of Uber_Vixen’s plans as well as EGG’s overall agenda. He will supply us with much information, and as he seems to be brainwashed into falling in love with Streudel, She would seem the perfect person to extract that information.”

Fourthof5 hopped back to the car. “Right, let’s continue shall we?”

Bryn and When made to lift Fourth back on the roof.

“Oh no. I am not going up there”

“Yes you are” said When.

“Fine. But I may not mention when I need to go to the toilet” He said ginning. When grinned back.

“No problem. Bryn, make sure he’s facing up not down when we get him onto the roof.”

“Damn” Fourth moaned as Bryn and When placed him back on the roof. “I could drown you know. All that water running up my nose.”

Bryn and When both chuckled as they got back in the car.

Will When, Bryn, Fourth and MM make it to Halifax in time. Will Fourth get off the roof, where is Fifi and will Fourth ever get out of this rabbit suit. Stay tuned for the next episode of 00911/The Misadventures of Agent When

Uber_Vixen

Uber_Vixen hummed a tune an octave higher than she ought to as she piloted the moth towards Europe. She had been monitoring transmissions from a moaning Fourthof5 thanks to the handy bug she had stuck to the back of his rabbit ear. Each of his grumblings brought new giggles from the manipulative…b*tch.

“Oh Isembard, oh Isembard, la la di la di daaaaaaa! Oh Isem-”
A crackling sound followed by a silky-smooth voice saying her name halted her off-key warbling.

“Prince! *Squeak*.”

“Surprised to see me?”

“Of course not! Where – where are you?” Vixen frowned. Prince’s image on the communications screen was in front of masses of twisted pipes and much hellfire.

“I suffered a…set back. It is only temporary.”

“Oh. Uh, well that’s great!

” Prince fell silent. Vixen squirmed uncomfortably, causing the moth
to swerve a little. She squeaked and pulled the moth upright, just in time to see a strange leafy-green tadpole-like object float rapidly past her window. Vixen stared at it agape.

“What? They can’t expect us to not notice that’s meant to look like a sp-”

Prince coughed uncomfortably and Vixen turned her attention back to the screen.

“As I was about to say, Agent Fifi has commenced the German arm of our operations. His recon has been very…informative.”

“Am I still to rendezvous with him in Babelsburg?” Vixen’s French accent was terrible and Prince winced.

“Stick to our plan. If Agent When manages to get the key out of Bryn, all that we have left is Fourthof5. Hopefully your brainwashing has worked.
Let When and Bryn believe fourth is smitten with Streudel.”

Vixen noisily opened a packet of peanuts, ripping the packet and spilling them everywhere. Self-consciously she put them down in the seat next to her and giggled.

“They will never suspect the control you have over him. Fifi will brief
you on the full situation when you arrive.”

The picture buzzed out and the moth was silent except for the beating of its wings. Vixen grimaced and dusted off a peanut before popping it in her mouth.
~~~~~

Fourthof5 groaned as the rain pelt into his eyes. He could hear Agent When’s futile attempts to seduce Bryn coming through what was left of the roof. Every so often he yelled out that the treatment he was receiving was inhumane only to receive the sarcastic reply that it was because he was a rabbit and didn’t deserve any better.

He wondered if the LSPCA (Lexxian Society for the Protection and Care of Animals) had roadside assistance.

Eventually the sound of Marcus complaining he had to go pee brought the Droolmobile to a stop at a service station. The door swung open and Marcus tumbled out. He turned back and peered inside the car.

“I’ll be right back bunny!”

Marcus ran towards the toilets, his dark hair streaming behind him. Fourth strained to turn as a scuffling noise came from one of the doors.

“Narrrr, what’s up D-”

The Acme on-line help assistant had climbed out of the back seat and turned to face Fourthof5 tied to the roof, only to freeze on the spot.

The rabbit’s eyes glazed over and it stared at Fourth dreamily. Fourth squirmed in terror and screamed for help. His bonds were too tight and Agent When was rapt in whatever Bryn was talking about. Fourth flailed hopelessly as the rabbit approached, its face suffused in a look of hopeless adoration.

“I’m not really a rabbit! It’s just a suit! Oh my, jeebus, help me!!!!!!!!”

The rabbit pounced on Fourth with a menacing looking carrot in a paw. The Droolmobile rocked and a surprised When and Bryn jumped out. The rabbit suddenly stopped moving and stared at Fourth in shock.
When and Bryn pulled the rabbit off the screaming Fourth and shoved it back into the car. Fourth’s skin was red where the rabbit had torn off the white suit. He whimpered quietly.

“Are you all right?” asked a snickering Agent When. Fourth nodded and stammered a reply, too shocked to do anything else.

Thankfully parts of the rabbit suit still covered his more personal regions. Marcus bounded into view and barrelled back into the car with a cry of “I’m back bunny!”

The Droolmobile lurched forward, this time with a silent roof. Fourth’s lip trembled and he squeezed his eyes shut. Thank god When and Bryn got out in time… What the…? What’s that?!

A green pod flew out of the sky and hovered above Fourth, despite the Droolmobiles movement.

Things couldn’t possibly get any worse… Could they?

When and Bryn looked up at the sky through the now bare patch of roof. The green pod rose into the air, a hollering pair of white-patched legs flailing out its opening.

~~~~~

Agent Fifi scowled at the yellow-clad guards standing watch at the door. He could not help but feel that they were watching him. He stood up and dusted off his fashionable white cut-out gym suit ensemble and strode through the doorway towards the cryopod chamber. The chill of the room reached him before he reached the chamber.

Only one of the cryopods was closed. Fifi approached it with a devious grin on his face. He was proud he had captured this one. Prince would reward him greatly for it. Tracing a finger down the lid, he resisted a strong urge to lick the glass.

Inside was the blue clad form of a beautiful woman. Her hair was pale blue, and Fifi wondered if it was elsewhere too. Fifi went to the cryopod controls and fingered one of the buttons.

Perhaps just for a little while. No one would know any better…

Will Fifi open the cryopod? (Yay! Fifi’s here!). What has happened to the perfidious Fourthof5? Will anyone ever bother to look in a dictionary and find out what perfidious means? What is Prince’s plan for the blue-sex-on-a-stick-sicle? What news of Streudel and the MM clone? What awaits Bryn and When in Halifax? Will Prince get off the airwaves so that people can watch the nightly news? Stay tuned for the next thrilling instalment of 00/911 The Misadventures of Agent When (alternative title for foreign release: 1313 The Hapless Misadventures of Fourthof5). Now, with a satisfaction guarantee!

Nursewhen

Agent When and Bryn watch the pod as it hovers overhead. Bryn suddenly pulls the door of the Droolmobile open and leaps out.

“Lyekka, Lyekka!” Calls Bryn.

The pod slows, turns back and hovers above them. With a squelching noise, tentacles drop out of the base and from them, a beautiful woman slides to the ground. She is wearing a bunny girl
outfit.

“Boy, you have some great dreams.” Mutters Agent When. Bryn ignores her.

“Lyekka, ye just ate the perfidious Fourthof5”

“He was yummy.” Replies Lyekka. “I like rabbits.”

“No, no, he wasn’t a rabbit, he was a man and we need him back.”

“He was yummy, in fact he was delicious.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure he was, but we need him back, he knew stuff”

“I was hungry.” Says Lyekka, “I needed his protein. I can’t give him back to you.”

“Well how much protein would you need to make his spare?” Asks Agent When.

“I would need at least the same amount of protein again.”

“Nerrrr what’s up Doc?”

“Oh happy day.” Breathes Agent When.

“Hello” says Lyekka as she approaches the rabbit, “I like you.”

“I see you’re trying to drink tarmac from a brass band, would you like some help?”

“Oh yes, I need so much help, how do I get the tarmac runny enough?”

The rabbit becomes excited and starts to jump up and down. “Well, first of all you need to get a standard lamp and a mouse and then… oh … OH… arrgghhh!! YYARRRGHH!!”

“Oh happy, happy day.” Breathes Agent when.

The pod stills for a moment, then bulges and deposits the perfidious Fourthof5, naked onto the ground, but for a generous coating of yellow custard.

“Where am I? Agent When? Bryn?” He stands up.

“Whoa!”; cries agent When as she covers her eyes. “You’re not smooth right round the bend!”

The perfidious Fourthof5 suddenly realises his predicament, lets out a shriek and assumes a self-conscious crouch.

“Well I think a little wash and brush up is in order.” Bryn picks up the pressure hose. Fourthof5 lets out another shriek as the custard layer is blasted away.

“That’ll do.” Says Bryn. Fourthof5 crouches on the tarmac, whimpering to himself.

“Agent When, do you have any clothes I could wear? Please!” He begs.

Agent When looks at the sorry sight on the tarmac and can’t help but feel for EGG’s most accident prone agent.

“Well since you chucked away the oil skins in Newfoundland, all I have left is a policewoman’s uniform, a belly dance costume complete with chest wig and a deep sea diver’s outfit.”

“What? Is that all?”

“I’m not a mobile outlet of Moss Bros. you know. What’ll it be?”

A few minutes later, Fourthof5 is resplendent in a thick rubber suit,
complete with lead lined boots.

“Well I think we can dispense with tying him up.” Says agent When, “He’s not going to get very far, very fast in that get up.”

“OK” says Bryn, I think it’s time we set off again. I’ll drive.”

“Hang on a minute, I’ll drive.”

“You?” Cries the perfidious Fourthof5 Your driving stinks. I was nearly thrashed to death by those tree branches!”

“Oh! And you think that was an accident! At least I don’t hit the passenger eject button every time I come to a traffic light.”

“Hey, my driving’s just fine!” Bryn exclaims.

“May I remind all present, that after Chief Streudel was taken from
us, we were only 4 hours away from Halifax. Then Bryn drove and now we’re twenty hours from Halifax.”

“Well that’s because that heap of spanners doesn’t do left turns!”

“That’s no excuse to drive at 40 mph in the wrong direction, refusing to stop and ask for directions.”

“I wasn’t lost, I knew exactly where I was!”

“I still think Bryn should drive.” Says Fourthof5

“Oh shut up!” shouts agent When. She flicks Fourthof5’s view screen shut and spins the butterfly nut.

“Umm Ummbry!

“What?” Agent When flicks Fourth’s view screen open again.

“I’m hungry.”

“Oh for heavens sake, I want the loo, I want some clothes, I want a burger! It’s all me, me, me.”

“Yeah, I’m hungry too!” says Bryn.

“I’ve got some calamari.” Agent When coos.

“I think I’d prefer a burger.”

“Oh.”

“Do you think they do vegemite burgers?” asks Fourthof5

“Oh shut up.” Bryn and agent When chorus.

“I think we’ll go and eat and bring something back for Marcus. He might cause a scene with all his crying for bunny.

“Yeah, OK” says Bryn.

CLANG CLANG CLANG

“Fourth, do you think you could walk a bit quieter please.”

“Sorry, I’ll try.”

CLANG, CLANG, CLANG

“Yeah, that’s better.” Says Bryn.

“Hold it! Stop!” Agent When grabs hold of Bryn and pulls him to the
ground.

“Now don’t start that again!” He warns. “I’ve told ye before!”

“No, no, look into the burger bar!”

Bryn and When peer over the windowsill and into the bar. Seated at a table towards the back are Chief Streudel and the Kai clone. Chief Streudel appears to be singing and the Kai clone has his hands clamped over his ears and is banging his head on the table.

“Good ol” Chief Streudel. I knew she’d find a way to thwart him! She’s not Chief for nothing you know! Wait here, I’ve got to go and get something.

Agent When runs back to the mobile. Marcus has his arms wrapped round Lyekka and has a blissful smile on his face. Agent When smiles and returns to the burger bar clutching the Acme Divine Assassinator 3000. Cocked and ready for action.

“Oh boy!” she practically salivates. “This is what I came here for. My first opportunity to test the Divine Assassinator 3000.”

With that, she leaps to her feet and throws open the door to the burger bar.

Will Agent When rescue chief Streudel? Will Marcus ever find his bunny? Will Bryn be so totally overcome by agent When’s bravery that he finally consents to let her drive the Droolmobile? Will Fourthof5 end up wearing every item in When’s limited wardrobe? Tune in for the next instalment of 00/911 the misadventures of Agent When (alternative title 1313, Fourthof5, That’s another fine mess I’ve got myself into.)