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Tip 107 in ‘The dysfunctional Family’s Holiday Guide’
Okay sluggards. Anyone without their boxes of 2005 Sale Bought Christmas cards needs to get busy!
Here is the plan. Go get your cards (From Garage Storage or the store, Your choice) NOW!!!, not tomorrow, not next weekend. Now!!
Go get some stamps (See above Now ‘s)
Get your address file, book, or wads of old envelopes from last year.
Arrange them all with in reach of your recliner, along with a big clipboard or something simular to write on. (But away from the spot where you stick your snack and soda’s) I find a small card table works best.
Put a small laundry basket under said card table.
Wait for your favorite show to come on television.
At the commerical break, do not surf! Hit the mute button and sign and address a card or two. When the show comes back on, attach the stamp and stuff and seal the envelope, drop into basket.
Wait for next commerical, repeat as necessary.
After dinner on Thanksgiving day, stroll or drive down to the nearest mail center. Deposit cards into the correct receptical, feel smug, and then relax.
There are other fun tasks ahead of you. But one of the most time consuming is complete.
Enjoy. 😀
Brilliant!
But the best one of the lot is to place rubbish bin adjkacent to card table top and deposit unsigned cards before enptying trash during the comercial break.
I personally find this the most gratifying – until of course I get the guilty feeling (about a week before Christmas and frantically run round looking posting cards).
I was looking for something cute to put on my Christmas card return address labels and I found this. What a hoot. Makes me sorry I am not making my own cards this year. 😀
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 8-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
and…
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa <=== all printed in strike-out text
Oh, heck!
Happy* Holiday!!!!
(unless otherwise prohibited by law)
* Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that your have a thoroughly adequate day.
I’ll be making some Christmas cards early this yr, since my parents & I will be going to Monterey, California for a week (December 11-15) & will be our major Crhistmas gift; I’ve already started setting up my stuff to make them. Now all I have to do, is choose the people I’ve sent cards to in the past, then separate them & start on the 1s in Canada & Ireland, 1st, then across the country, then in the west coast. Who knows, I may get them done, before cookie baking (shhhhh, don’t tell my dad that).
Happy Fall & November,
Jhevz 😉theFrey wrote:Makes me sorry I am not making my own cards this year. 😀
I’m going to make my own now because of this 😀
MuadDib wrote:I’m going to make my own now because of this 😀
Really? And what sort of graphic will you use? 😀 The mind boggles doesn’t it. 😉 Of course you could always go with a simple flowing text and just jazz the heck out of the the first letter in a couple of paragraphs. 😀
If you get it done, plase let us see it.
I must confess, I too toyed with the idea of making this into a Christmas card 🙂 . I’d love to see how you fabricate your card myself MuadDib.
Well, after several hours of 2am googling for a funny image to add on the front, toying with either something politically correct, eg:
Or some really politically incorrect image (IE anything), I decided I liked the Frey’s Simple Flowing Text idea (mainly because it means I don’t have to show off my poor Photoshop skills 😀 ).
Here’s the front of the card as it appears in my first draft:
No insides yet, as I’ve remembered it’s a friends birthday and I need to get him a card, so I’m now focusing on creating a Firefly card based on the River Tam quote from Out of Gas:
”River wrote:”Day” is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. It’s not applicable… I didn’t get you anything.
I’ll post the insides as soon as I’ve finished them (which should be soon).
Very nice… but I love the ginger persons. 😀 You might think about shrinking them down and using them on the back of the card… perhaps with the seasonally affective post note under them. 🙂 While funny, it does inturrupt the main flow of the verse. And that way you can have funny twice when they look at the logo on the back of the card.
theFrey wrote:You might think about shrinking them down and using them on the back of the card…
Good idea, I’ll give that a go.
Et voila!
The insides:
Inside left:
Inside right:
and the back:
I’m planning on doing a second version, same insides and back, with the “Ginger Person” image as a watermark on the front behind the text, I’ll post it when I finish it.
How freaking halarious! This is great. Make the back graphic smaller (1/4 size?) so it takes them a moment to notice the joke and it would be perfect.
By popular request, I present, version 2 of the card design:
Front:
Back:
The insides remain the same.
I wish Mandara, Actually what I wish is that I was on MuadDib’s christmas card list. Very nice with the revised front cover. 😀
Sadly, I already have about 40 or so of my box cards signed, stamped and addressed. So that is what every one is getting. Deal. 😉
So. How are yours coming MuadDib? Did you find some heavy card stock to pring them on? Or are you just going to do what I normally do and get extra heavy weight paper and do a four fold?
A while back, I bought one of those “Create your own card” programs, so I’ve uploaded the images to that; and then can print them out as either quarter fold or on a single sheet of card folded in half (after the printing of course), and for printing material I’m happy to say that I live near a stationery store so they have greeting card stock on sale there 😀
Incidentally I’m trying to put together an animated gif version (to put on any web forums I visit).
Right now, I’ve done 1s for Ireland, Canada, NY, Mid-West & Texas; I’m currently doing 1s for Minnasota, Wyoming & Vegas. After I get back from my trip, I’ll be making 1s for California, including 2 birthday girls; then mail some presents for a couple of cousins, then I’ll be done.
Happy Holidays,
Jhevz 😉Most people liked them, a couple didn’t get the joke and had to have it clarified 😆 can’t please everyone I guess.
Hopefully the ones that didn’t get it were family members. After all they are, what they are. We don’t get to choose, we just love them anyhow.
If they were freinds…. you might want to upgrade a few of them in the ‘Smartz’ department. 😆
Well, I have just purchased ten boxes of Christmas Cards for next year, packed them in the clearly marked wrapping and christmas card box and sent it back out to it’s shelf in the garage.
I’m ready for next year…. are you?
Muhahahahaha!
I’ve still got two years worth of Christmas cards left from my after-Christmas shopping last year.
In three years time, I’ll end up with nothing, having grown accustom to being prepared.
But since I send them in the first week of December (yes, I’m one of those), I should have plenty of time to cover my tail, as it were.
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