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A few years ago I was studying archaeology/anthropology at college, saw Relic Hunter on the Space Channel, and was a little irked by the show’s total disregard for archaeological ethics and scientific methodology (a little more science faction, please!). I could forgive the great Indiana Jones films because that took place in another time, but…
So, to any TV producers lurking at this site. Here’s your chance for a quality, educational and realistic production. Not the kind of material you usually look for? WAIT! There’s also plenty of action!
And for any readers who want to get straight to the sex, feel free to skip the next 3 paragraphs on archaeological methodology (and the next two paragraphs after that). But crucially, a coprolite is, well, technically, ah — just read the damn thing! 
As a lover of old things — from dinosaur bones to the Rolling Stones — I am very upset by the entertainment biz’s endorsement of bad archaeology. For instance, stealing artefacts and destroying or damaging archaeological sites contravenes international archaeological ethical standards even if the treasures are being smuggled out of backward countries so that rich Harvard students can better appreciate other peoples’ cultural history. 🙄
A very important aspect of archaeology is trying to understand the lifeways of past peoples. Whilst some archaeologists study relics, the most important field in archaeology/anthropoology may be coprolite analysis — coprolites are fossilized excrement.
At first glance this may not seem very glamorous, but coprolites are fascinating and beautiful in their own way. Through the close examination of old faecal content you can learn about past peoples’ diet and cooking methods. Isn’t it about time that popular entertainment portrayed archaeology from a realistic scientific perspective?
Coprolite Hunter
An extremely large busted and bodalicious babe is digging around in an ancient Egyptian outhouse looking for choice specimens. Being a good archaeologist, she meticulously and descriptively records the details of the ancient stool finds. She picks up a real gem of an old dump (dump is archaeological jargon for random specimen placement). Suddenly, a rival evil Nazi coprolite hunter jumps into the outhouse. He seizes the choice morsel, tries to punch her, but she deftly blocks. She prepares to roundhouse kick him, but hesitates. Not wanting to disturb the priceless fossilized record underfoot, she instead leaps out of the hole. He follows and she roundly kicks his ass. Foxy Lady, our sexy archaeologist, takes back the coprolite saying, “This belongs to the people.”
Next we see our proud, smiling heroine regally presenting the coprolite treasure to a tribal elder from a nearby village (in good archaeology the descendants have a right to the fruits of their ancestors labours). The puzzled elder politely takes it from Foxy, goes off, and discretely flushes it down the toilet.
We then see Foxy whippin’ it with Indiana Jones. Afterwards, we see, superimposed, Walter Cronkite reading an article written by Foxy on Coprolite Analysis, while Foxy, in the background, gets jiggy-wiggy with Ozzy Osbourne and {now accepting resumes for those who wish to audition for this role – it could be you!}
*And to make it more scientifically informative… You know how certain News stations have banners showing headlines, stocks et cetera running along the bottom of the screen (and around the screen)? Well, this show would have printed archaeological information scrolling across the screen at all times.
Or as an alternate idea:
Crocodile Coprolite Hunter: How to catch a coprolite
Instead of a Tia Carrera clone as the Relic/Coprolite Hunter, we have Steve Irwin, the guy from Crocodile Hunter. Imagine him enthusiastically wrangling the specimens face to hmmm….
“Crikey, this coprolite is getting really angry! I’ve never seen one this riled up! I’d better watch out, it’s in its offensive position; see how it’s all coiled up? Do not try this at home, this is dangerous stuff.”
Disclaimer: No coprolites were harmed in the making of this story. 😉
(puts foot down)
I am SO referring to my Manager as a Corporate-coprolite from now on!
(snicker) 😆
Pet;D
pet wrote:(puts foot down)
I am SO referring to my Manager as a Corporate-coprolite from now on!
(snicker) 😆
Pet;D
LOL – There’s actually a beer called Copper Lite; I can guess how it might taste; like *&$@ with a hint of hops and malt.
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