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Tech Humour
A song, sung to the tune of that old classic the Beverly Hillbillies
Computer Hillbillies
Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed,
A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed,
But one day he was talking to a recruiter,
Who said, “they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer…”UNIX, that is… CRTs… Workstations…
Well, the first thing ya know ol’ Jed’s an engineer.
The kinfolk said “Jed, move away from here”.
They said “Arizona is the place ya oughta be”,
So he bought a box of donuts and he moved to Ahwatukee…Intel, that is… dry heat… no amusement parks…
On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube.
Fed him mo’ donuts and sat him at a tube.
Said “yo project’s outta budget, but we know just what to do.
Instead of 40 hours, we’ll work you 52!”OT, that is… unpaid… mandatory…
The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad.
Schedules were slipping and the boss was getting mad.
They called another meeting and decided on a fix.
The answer was simple… “We’ll work him sixty-six!”Tired, that is… stressed out… no social life…
Months turned to years and his hair was turning grey.
Jed worked hard while his life just slipped away.
Waiting to retire when he turned to 64,
Instead he got a call and escorted out the door.Laid off, that is… lead hand shake… unemployed…
Now the moral of the story is listen to what you’re told,
Companies will use you and discard you when you’re old.
So gather up your friends and start your own firm,
Beat the competition, watch the bosses squirm.Millionaires, that is… Bill Gates… Steve Jobs…
Y’all come back now… ya hear?!
I like this one too.
“What gender is a computer?” A language teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories.If we’re gonna have the hillbilly tech song, then we’re gonna have this too:
(To the tune of the “Let it Be” by the Beatles)
When I find my code in tons of touble,
Friends and colleages come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
“Write in C.”As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
“Write in C.”Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, oh, write in C.
LISP is dead and buried,
Write in C.I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.If you’ve just spent nearly 30 hours
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC.
Write in C.Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, oh, write in C.
Pascal won’t quite cut it.
Write in C.Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Don’t even mention COBOL.
Write in C.And when the screen is fuzzy,
And the editor is bugging me.
I’m sick of ones and zeros,
Write in C.A thousand people sware that T.P.
Seven is the one for me.
I hate the word PROCEDURE,
Write in C.Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
PL1 is ’80s,
Write in C.Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
The government loves ADA,
Write in C.Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Java’s not quite there yet,
Write in C.Cool song!
I myself have very limited experience with C. I only need my thumbs to count how many times I’ve used it. I use C++ usually. But in the last couple days I’ve been scrammbling to learn Fortran. I need to learn it to do some engineering coding for my jobthis summer, and pretty much for the rest of my life too…
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