thought this might cheer some of you up

Forums Announcements/New Stuff thought this might cheer some of you up

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #40246
    FX
    Participant

    NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

    To: The citizens of the United States of America

    From: The citizens of the United Kingdom and friendly EU fellow nationals; that means all European Union countries, except France

    Having you failed to elect an Intelligent and Capable President for the USA last November 2nd and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories, except Utah, which she does not fancy.

    Your new Prime Minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you, who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

    A questìonnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect..

    1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium”. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary”. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” in an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed’.

    2. There is no such thing as “American English”. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.

    4. Hollywood will be requìred occasionally to cast European actors as the good guys.

    5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through; to those of you, who are aware that there is a world outside your borders, is given the opportunity to choose the EU anthem instead: Beethoven’s Symphony No.9 “Ode to the joy!”.

    6. You should stop playing American ‘football’. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good game: The 2.5% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

    7.You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. “Merde” is French for “sh*t”

    8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called “DD Day” (Dumb Doubya Day).

    9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German family cars and Italian sport cars you will understand what we mean.

    10. Please stop freaking out every time you watch European TV channels or every time you hear the word “sex” or the adjective “oral”. It’s been driving us crazy!

    And by the way, tell us who killed JFK.

    Thank you for your cooperation,

    The subjects of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and the friendly citizens of all EU nations (except France).

    #73318
    Sidhecafe
    Participant

    😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 WEE!

    #73338
    theFrey
    Participant

    2. There is no such thing as “American English”. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

    Ah, well that would be worth the price of admission I think. 😀 Anyone ‘telling’ microsoft anything AND getting a favorable response!!!

    Hummm…. we have this for the whole country. Which could be a bit of a sticky wicket once the ‘Sons of Texas’ and others of their ilk getting their dander up…. or we have the succession of like minded states to Canada.
    Granted border control might be a problem at first, but I imagine that machine gun turrets set up at the border looking for gun racks, and a few other tell tales would be enough.

    #73345
    lexxrobotech
    Participant

    One of the things thats so sad about Bush is that he’s giving Christians such a bad name.

    I feel for Muslims, as they often get tared with the same brush. Just because a few crazy Muslim fanatic do some bad things, all of a sudden Muslims are evil.

    The evil fanatics! 👿

    #73367
    pet
    Participant

    My new favorite Prelinger Movie:

    Despotism

    Measures how a society ranks on a spectrum stretching from democracy to despotism. Explains how societies and nations can be measured by the degree that power is concentrated and respect for the individual is restricted. Where does your community, state and nation stand on these scales?

    #73373
    Headgehog
    Participant

    I’m not so sure about all this talk of succession, and joining Canada. I personally like being part of the US, even though I don’t trust the current regime. And seriously folks, Canada?! Come on.

    We shouldn’t be talking about leaving the union, we should talk about kicking out the red states. Let them have their Confederate States of America. They wanted to leave 160 years ago, and we should have let them. They wanted to keep slaves, and for some unknown reason we went to war to keep those morons in OUR country? Those are the kinds of people we wanted in our union?

    #73380
    Sidhecafe
    Participant

    Headgehog wrote:

    We shouldn’t be talking about leaving the union, we should talk about kicking out the red states. Let them have their Confederate States of America. They wanted to leave 160 years ago, and we should have let them.

    Have you seen this website?

    www.(enter expletive that starts with “f” here)thesouth.com

    ???
    Very funny and pretty much what you just said….

    But really we can’t abandon Austin, TX the sole bastion of old time college liberalism and health food stores in Texas!!

    I’m heading that way to visit my sister in january!!

    #73398
    theFrey
    Participant

    Something cute Tressia sent me.

    Subject: California’s secession letter to Bush

    Dear President Bush:

    Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we’re a bit ticked off here in California, so we’re leaving you. California will now be its own country. And we’re taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

    We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she’s going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we’re getting San Diego. (Sorry, that’s just how it goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).

    Just so we’re clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we’re going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they’re willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their kids’ caskets coming home.

    So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

    Since we get New York, you’ll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O’Brien. You get… well, why don’t you ask your
    people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That’s a really funny show.)

    We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.

    Sincerely,
    California

    #73399
    mysteriesofthesea
    Participant

    Some folks here are still wondering about what happened to all of the anti-Bush votes!!

    And there are some folks,..Evangelical or otherwise,.. with anti-war sentiments,..who certainly don’t agree with the re-election of President Bush!!

    Anyone got a good set of “hedge clippers?”

    Anti-war folks around in my rural and semi-rural area of Ohio include:

    Quakers

    Amish

    Mennonites

    U. B. Brotheren

    and quite a few other groups!

    Question,…how many times has any “raging protestant”…..come to any internet bboard within your memory and marked off a map and labeled it “Raging Liberal Land?”

    Not all folks with any religious convictions are “maniacally determined to convert”..every living being in their paths!

    Apples don’t grow on pear trees!!

    …………Stanelle,
    who likes a good joke,
    but is still thinking over
    some of the implications of attitude,..indicated.

    #73403
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    “We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.” – Jonathan Swift

    #73404
    mysteriesofthesea
    Participant

    Amen!

    #73422
    theFrey
    Participant

    Have you seen this website?

    www.(enter expletive that starts with “f” here)thesouth.com

    Very funny and pretty much what you just said….

    But really we can’t abandon Austin, TX the sole bastion of old time college liberalism and health food stores in Texas!!

    I’m heading that way to visit my sister in january!!

    OMG! 😯 I howled the whole way through it. 😀 a few more swear words that I think is good in one rant, but an excellent rant none the less. I keep hearing Dennis Leary’s voice in my head as I read it. Thanks for sharing. 😀

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.