You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If…….

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  • #37921
    SadGeezer
    Keymaster

    You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If…….

    • Your Jedi robe is a Camouflage color.
    • You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
    • You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.
    • At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored
    • There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder
    • You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder
    • You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok
    • You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks
    • You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
    • A peaceful meditation session is one without gas
    • You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE
    • Your master ever said “My finger you will pull..hmmm?”
    • You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
    • You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
    • The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
    • Wookies are offended by your B.O.
    • You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
    • You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
    • You have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
    • Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
    • You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
    #59619
    Anonymous
    Guest

    In an impeccable English accent

    Verily, noble Sadgeezer, thine humour doth maketh mine sides split with ill-supress’d mirth !

    #59620
    Anonymous
    Guest

    LOL!!!

    #59621
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    That’s excellent, thanks!

    I was trying to come up with a witty response, but the best I could think of was “you may be a Jedi redneck if…” you’re a Jedi with bad razor burn (i.e. a red neck). Glad I didn’t embarrass myself with such a lousy response.

    #74874
    theFrey
    Participant

    I think we need to filter this through Peter’s Evil Overload List for movie three. ;D

    #74877
    mysteriesofthesea
    Participant

    1. You get in a fight with your husband and he tells you that women have no brains and that you could never have a career and you call him a “pseudo-intellectual” and he thinks that you are telling him that he has some sort of new reproductive disease!

    2. You refrain from telling your mother-in-law that she is overweight because she eats too many grits and you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but when you take her picture announcing her birthday celebration,..you can’t have said picture printed up and put in the local newspaper because ths picture weighs fifteen pounds!

    3. You refer to the “theft” of your neighbor’s child as the child being “kidnumped!”

    4. Your single brother-in-law goes to family reunions to search for women!!!!

    5. Your jeans are so big that you must put them on by pulling them over your head!!

    6. You are refered to as a “furriner” in your family because you are the only daughter-in-law,..who comes from another state!

    7. You join the Antioch Baptict Church,..Terwilliger’s Methodist Church, Zazsoo’s Meditation Group,..and “the Church of the Purple Cow”..to make sure that you have all of your spiritual “basis” covered!

    8. You are thought of as “scientific” if you have succeeded in convincing your dentist that pulling teeth involves more than a string and a door knob.

    9. You set yourself up in practice as a dentist because you have bought your own string,..you have strong door knobs, and you bought your own bottle of “laughing gas!”

    10. You are “tarred and feathered” and “rid out of town on a rail” by your neighbors because the tank of what you thought was “laughing gas’..turned out to be propane or butane gas and your first dental patient nevously tried to light up a cigarette!

    11. You are “excommunicated’ from the Antioch Baptist Church because your patient, who tried to”light up” his cigarette was the High Deacon of the Antioch baptist church! He becomes the first person in the community to be blown high enough to become an astronaut!

    12. You use your light saber to battle your way out of the “neck-tie” party given in your honor by the family of the High Deacon of the Antioch Baptist Church as he was last seen in the chair of your dental office before you went out of medical practice after the big “boom!”

    13. Word comes via a special telegram to your little town that the First Lunar Landing ever made by a Baptist Deacon has just been recorded by NASA and you have been awarded a large scientific grant so that you might pursue your studies of non-military-space launchings!

    14. Your mother-in-law..becomes..so emotionally over-wrought from all the flurry of excitment over all of your recent adventures from your new found fame as a dentist and space scientist..that she loses weight and gets so skinny that she has to stand in the same place twice just to cast a shadow!!

    15. You take up the practice of surgery to show the medical community the true method of doing “light saver” amputations!”

    …..Stanelle,
    ..”pressydentess of
    the Avarre Ohio Liar’s Club”

    #74878
    7th_Dizbuster
    Participant

    Apologies to Mr Geezer for the plagiarism but “You know you are a Chav Jedi when….

    Your Jedi robe is in burberry and has a hoodie with built in baseball cap

    You have ever used your Light Saber to give yourself a tattoo.

    You think the best use of your light saber for teaching your bird a lesson.

    Your X-Wing has low profile landing struts and oversized exhaust ports

    There is a 24 inch sub-woofer in the back of your landspeeder

    You have furry dice hanging from the rear view mirror of your landspeeder

    You have no tastebuds due to over indulgence in hyperspeed food

    You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks

    You want matching white stormtrooper outfits for you and your bird

    You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE

    There is always a Ford X-Wing MkII blocks in your front garden.

    You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to readjust your bling.

    The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is no McD.

    Wookies are offended by your dress sense.

    You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

    You have ever used a light-sabre to open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.

    Your father has ever said to you, “‘Ere son get the f*** over to the dark side…it’ll look good with your gold, init”

    You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy wake your bird up because you fancy a roll.

    #74887
    mysteriesofthesea
    Participant

    1. yore kid gradiates from hi sckool and kin teach you how ter read.

    2. The words that yer kid teaches you how ter write but not read all have four letters.

    3. yo sgn yur name the way yur kid teached ya and wind up in Irack!

    4. yo tries to exsplan why yo don’t belong in Irack and wind up in a luxury hotel called the “brig” where they brings you three square meals a day and gives you free clothes….while you jest sit thar!!

    5. they sends you back to ohio when a man asks you if you like work and you answer that, “Yes, I like it. Work fascinates me! I can sit and watch it…for hours!”

    6. You wonder why when you was in Irack,..they kept telling you to put away yore big flashlight,..and they never let you use yore light saber!

    #74893
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Pinched some of these from PlanetMike 🙂

    * You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with ya’ll.”

    * You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.

    * You were the only one drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

    * Your business cards read “Billy Bob, Jedi Master”.

    * Your Y-wing fighter has a bumper sticker that reads “My other fighter is an X-wing”.

    * When your sister wears her metallic bikini, you insist she travels by clinging to you while swinging on a rope.

    * Your land-speeder has a bumper sticker that reads “Protected by Smith & Wesson Light Sabers”

    * If you hear … “Billy Bob, I am your father … AND your uncle!”

    #74894
    YOWAYYO
    Participant

    What a hilarious thread! Here a a few others, one or two of which have had some inspiration from previous posts:

    You might be a Redneck Jedi if…

    *Both sides of your family have unusually high counts of midi-chlorians.

    *Your Jedi robe is flannel rather than the traditional brown cloak.

    *Much to the bewilderment of yer opponents, you insist on fighting your light-saber duels at “high noon.”

    *Your X-wing fighter only gets 12.5 light-years to the gallon, but you brag to all your friends about making the “Kessel Run” in under 11.5 parsecs.

    *You’ve been cited by the Emperial Game Warden at least once in the past year for poaching Ewok outside of Ewok hunting season.

    *You’ve ever shot a fellow Jedi/ severed a limb by accident while yelling, “Hold my beer and watch this!!!”

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