Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Science: Babelfish

The Babel Fish is small, yellow, leechlike and probably the oddest thing in the universe. It feeds on brainwave energy, absorbing all unconscious frequencies and the excreting telepathically a matrix from the conscious frequencies and nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain.

This means that if you stick one in your ear, you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language!!

Waddabout people who suffer bad earwax problems? or does more earwax give better adhesion?

How long can it live in your ear? – all your life!? 

How does it erm… pro-create? – not in yer ear I hope!

What if you don’t speak to people very much or don’t think about stuff, will the Babel Fish starve? 

What about fish droppings?  – are they washed out when you have a shower – would you like to have a fish erm…. excreting in yer ear!? What if you are out on a date and you nod in agreement at something your partner says – what would you say when a load of fish droppings fell onto yer chicken vinderloo?


‘The Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communications between different cultures and races, has caused more and bloodier wars that anything else in the history of creation’.

The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy reviews are © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.  Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

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