LEXX: Cultures: The Planet Water

The planet Water is in the Dark Zone. It is part of a Binary planet system and is partnered with the Planet Fire.  Fortunately, it’s a heavenly place! – literally. If you were to imagine the most hospitable place, the Planet Water would be it.

The people of Water are pretty hospitable too. They are either lovely, very lovely, stupid or lovely and stupid. If you were to meet someone from the Water planet in a pub, you would be chatting them up. They are clean, patient, sweet and downright nice (and stupid). Mind you, what would you expect in Heaven?!


Q. Why don’t Fire people have a mid-life crises?
A. They don’t live long enough.

Water is at war with it’s neighbor, the planet Fire. There is no reason for this war other than the fact that the people of Fire are the aggressors. The people of Water don’t understand the war, they just defend themselves against attacks by the soldiers from Fire. The people of Water never fly over to Fire and attack.

One of the towers of Gametown

There doesn’t seem to be a ruler on the planet Water. To all intents and purposes, the people there live a charmed life, everyone is friendly, there is plenty of food to eat and water to drink and their cities are well furnished and comfortable. They can also go for a swim in the deep blue sea whenever they want (though they don’t normally do this).

The climate of the Water planet is pleasant. Not too hot and not too warm. It is possible to wear next to nothing and still be comfortable.

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The cities are low and wide. They look beautiful and are functional without being industrious. The only city we saw where people actually worked, was the Garden city which managed to produce all the food anyone needed and transport it automatically with a fleet of self propelled boats. The gardeners were dedicated and happy (all three of them!)

Gametown at dusk

The people of Water are the good people. They live a charmed existence because of the good they have done during their previous lives. Every time they die, they are reincarnated and returned to their respective city of bliss. This means that there is no concept of ‘children’ on the Water planet. People are not born, they are reincarnated. I did wonder however, why there are no old people on the planet Water. If they lived such a carefree life, why were they all teenagers? Do you die of old age at 25?

Probably the best city on Water is Boomtown. It seems that in this city, the main pastime is sex, lots of sex, lots and lots and lots of sex. In fact, I guess there are no old people on Boomtown because you need to be an athlete to get through the colossal amount of sex. Wadda way to go!

Nevertheless, people on Boomtown seem bright and cheery and happy, they don’t look shagged out at all! – so clearly, they aren’t doing it right!

Race Rating – The People of Water
Personality 1 (rancid butter) – 4 (cool dude) 2
Attractiveness 1 (requires paper bag) – 5 (Drop-dead-gorgeous) 5
Humour 1 (stomach-turning) – 5 (sidesplitting) 2
Dress Sense 1 (laughable) – 5 (hip) 5
Aggression 1 (big/little softy) – 5 (hard as nails) 3
1 (scumbag) – 5 (god) 3

Sad Geezer Race Rating (out of 30) = 20          

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This review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.

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