Red Dwarf: S07E05: Blue

The episode opens with Kryten and Lister discussing how Lister is off hot spicy food. “It’s because of her isn’t it?” Kryten accuses, “She who must be drooled over.” He then moans about the salad cream being put into the cupboard and not the fridge and all the extra work ironing bras and things.

Lister tells Kryten that Kochanski has found a new route to the Temporal Rift. She will be back with her pals in the next week.

Later Kryten continues to moan about Kochanski to Lister. Suddenly a Phasing Comet appears on the scanner. Lister, against the advice of his crewmembers, decides to go through the comets tail and not around it.

The ship is badly damaged and will mean that Kochanski is NOT able to meet her pals in the other dimension. They turn around and go back. Kochanski is understandably upset and storms off. Lister decides to go to the hold and asks Rimmer if he wants to come too. Cat looks at Lister perplexed. Lister, equally perplexed, can’t believe that he had just mistakenly called Cat, Rimmer.

He shows Cat Rimmer’s old shoe tree’s and explains to Cat that Rimmer had lots of little foibles that made him unique. Lister clearly missed those foibles. Cat was unconvinced, “He was the human equivalent of a visible panty line!” he tells Lister.

Lister continues to think about the good times with Rimmer.

Later he is in the Drive Room sleepily maintaining the ships course when who should walk up to say hello but Ace Rimmer (old Rimmer). The two greet each other and Lister tells how Kochanski has taken her place. Ace Rimmer tells him a couple of jokes and the pleasantly surprised Lister chats. The conversation changes to what Kochanski is ‘Like’. “She’s pretty attractive though isn’t she?” asks Rimmer. Lister tells him that she hadn’t really noticed. “So she’s not as attractive as me then?” Rimmer continues. Lister tells Rimmer that she couldn’t hold a candle to him! Then they kiss!!!! WHOA!!

Lister wakes from his nightmare visibly shaken. “Thank God, it’s just a dream.” Later he tells Kryten about the nightmare, “I’d rather go bobbing for apples in the communal latrine at the Reading festival!” He says. Kryten tries to counsel him but fails miserably. Kochanski comes in looking for some medical spirits to take her mind off her Dave. Lister tells her about his dream of Rimmer. Kochanski tells him that he may have had Rimmer all wrong.

Later, Kryten tells Kochanski, Lister and Cat that he has rigged up a special presentation in the Virtual Reality Room. Kryten believes that it will in some way help Lister get over missing Rimmer.

The four of them get onto a virtual roller coaster and are taken through the Rimmer Museum. Kryten made it himself so that if any crewmember found that they were missing him, they could play back the VR simulation. Sure enough Rimmer’s diary entries helped them get a wonderful example of Rimmer’s personality. It demonstrated his warped – the finally however was just wonderful!

This scene was the highlight of the show and is burned into this SadGeezers memory forever!  A Rimmer animated doll appears on the screen singing a song.  It is accompanied by lots of smaller Rimmer dolls singing the chorus and was absolutely hilarious! The song goes;

If you’re in trouble he will save the day,
He’s brave and he’s fearless come what may,
Without him the mission would go astray.

He’s Arnold, Arnold Arnold Rimmer,
Without him life would be much grimmer,
He’s handsome trim and no-one’s slimmer,
He will never need a Zima.

He’s Arnold, Arnold Arnold Rimmer,
More reliable than a garden strimmer,
He’s never been mistaken for Yule Brinner,
He’s not bald and his head doesn’t glimmer.

Master of the Whit and the repartee,
His command of space directives is uncanny,
How come he’s such a genius,
Don’t ask me.

He’s Arnold, Arnold Arnold Rimmer,
He’s also a fantastic swimmer,
And if you play you’re cards right
He might come round for dinner.

The roller coaster of Rimmer’s ego ends. “I never want to see or hear from that scum sucking, lying weasel minded Smeghead in my entire life!” exclaims Lister. Kochanski smiles sweetly.

And there the show ends. That song at the end made up for the limp dialogue and I’d have to admit, for me, it was one of the highlights of the whole seasom.

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This episode review is © 1999 – 2019 Tony Fawl.
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