Jokers: Jokes About Things: Animal Jokes
Two cows stood in a field
WHERE DO PETS COME FROM?
And Cat did not care one way or the other…….
submitted by Amber Floyd
This New Zealand farmer buys several pigs, (he’s bored of sheep see) hoping to breed them for ham, bacon,etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help.
The vet tells the farmer that they should try artificial insemination. Being NZ farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs himself (like his mates with the sheep). So he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all,brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs are still just standing around. one more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. “No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them’s honking the horn”.
submitted by Glen Burrows
Q Why does an elephant have four feet?
Q Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by. So the elephant says, “Help me, help me.”
One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she say this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.
Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant’s backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
Q. What has two legs and bleeds ?
Q What do elephants use for tampons?
Q What does the shepherd’s wife use for tampons?
A male and a female whale are in the ocean when they see a big ocean liner.
The Giant Panda
Why did the man cross the road?
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.
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