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Totally SICK Humour

Another Princess Di Joke.

Princess di went for a job as a concrete post tester the o­nly problem was she couldn’t get her head around it.

Submitted by Gary (surname withheld cos ‘es a wimp!)

Isn’t it Ironic…

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from o­nlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

2. A psychology student rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt o­n the world flagpole-sitting record. By the time he had come down, eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. A shame, as he had merely been listening to his

5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And the last & best…….

6. Terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage o­n a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped o­n it. You’ve guessed it, he opened it and said a fond farewell to his face.

Submitted by Glen

Diana for Windows!

Microsoft have announced that their latest operating system – Windows 98 is to be renamed prior to launch as Diana, Princess of Windows.

A spokesman for Microsoft said that this was in tribute to the late ex-royal and is a fitting name in that the product will look flash, be mostly superficial, consume vast amounts of resources and crash spectacularly.

Submitted by Barry Dorans

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Why did the man cross the road?
    Cause his dick was stuck in the chicken.

Why did Princess Di cross the road?
    She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

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