Red Dwarf: Cultures: Simulants

Simulants are Biomechanical killers created for a war that never took place.  Some of them escaped the dismantling process and now they prowl around deep space searching for a foe worthy of their attention!  They despise humans and all forms of humanoid life, believing them to be the vermin of the universe.

Lister and his pals once ran into a Simulant ship. The captain was so distressed that Starbug was not worthy of a good fight, that he put the crew to sleep and added considerable armaments and engine power to the little ship.  He then revived the crew and insisted that they fight their way out!

A pretty ruthless SimulantSimulants are loathsome, aggressive and extremely difficult to kill.   Some of the females also look pretty sexy, or so Lister thought.  He once complemented a female (‘yer a bit of a babe’) before she tried to kill him.  She had a healthy loathing for him, “Well, if it isn’t my old friend…. the human vermin.” Spoken with a rather attractive husky voice, “…. The slime, the puss-sucking putrefied walking cesspit of unspeakableness.(as rejections go, that’s a pretty good one – no room for ambiguity there I think…. or am I overthinking that?).

Note: Simulants are aggressive, nasty, killers! (they look pretty good too)

A favoured pastime is the torture of human captives.  They keep large amounts of food and supplied on board their ships for this reason.  They enjoy sustaining the life of their victims for A double-crossing Simulanta s long as possible before death occurs.   Simulants in some cases they have been know to keep their human torture victims alive in a state of perpetual agony for as long as 40 years!

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The difference between a psychotic Mechanoid and a psychotic Simulant is that the android would not rip off a human head and spit down its neck.  They are virtually indestructible and could easily take several rounds of a Bazookoid suffering little damage.

Simulants are guaranteed to liven up any party!

Race Rating – Simulants
Personality 1 (rancid butter) – 4 (cool dude) 1
Attractiveness 1 (requires paper bag) – 5 (Drop-dead-gorgeous) 4
Humour 1 (stomach-turning) – 5 (sidesplitting) 1
Dress Sense 1 (laughable) – 5 (hip) 4
Aggression 1 (big/little softy) – 5 (hard as nails) 4
1 (scumbag) – 5 (god) 3

Sad Geezer Race Rating (out of 30) = 17          

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This Culture review is © 1999 – 2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without  the authors express permission

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