Tripping the Rift: S02E01: You Wanna Put That Where?
After the horrible mess of Cool Whip, Sci Fi Channel finally showed the intended second season opener. Of course, I’d be surprised if anyone else actually stuck around to watch “You Wanna Put That Where” after that horrible pile of crap. By TTR standards, this was a normal episodes. It had its strong points, in the form of some good scifi and heterosexual jokes, but largely it was average, which sadly isn’t very good.
We find our anti-heroes stuck in some kind of outer space traffic jam. It always bugged me in The Jetsons, when in a traffic jam, no body bothers to go over/under/around the mess, it’s not like there are actual roads! But nobody ever does! As it turns out a Vulcan, piloting a Star Trek Federation ship was a little tankered when flying, and caused a multi ship pile up. Confederation soldiers were there to arrest him, (in a bloody vacuum!). The Vulcan is so drunk though that he just pisses on their shoes (in zero g)!
Chode jumps over the jam, and proceeds closer to the accident to help… recover some of the cargo. after transporting it aboard they find that its a few thousand cases of G-Y Jelly. Lubricant for gay anal sex. Chode doesn’t know what to do with it, until Gus (who is totally gay this season) points out its going price on Fabulous Heaven, the gay planet. Chode orders Bob to set course for the gayest planet in the universe.
As expected Fabulous Heaven is a planet that parodies San Francisco. It even has the trollies and other landmarks. The planet is completely opposite conservative America in all aspects. There are televangelists who denounce heterosexuals. In fact heterosex is outlawed. All children are made in test tubes! Expectedly, Gus loves the place. And so does Chode, who likes to watch all the lesbians. As it turns out, only gays can sell stuff on this planet. So Chode and the crew dress up as gay as possible and plan to go to Governor McJersey’s ball later that night to ask permission to sell their goods.
Back on the ship, Whip is left alone, and takes the opportunity to peak at Chode’s porn collection. It’s hidden under his bead with a super powerful combination lock preventing his access. Whip spends much of the rest of the episode try to open it up.
McJersey’s ball is big. He’s got big balls, parties of course. Chode is a little weirded out by all the gay activities at the place and resolves to make the deal and leave as quickly as possible. However his hardest task is not hitting on all the hot women/lesbos at the party. He finds the Governor, who is a fishlike cartoon of former (and gay) New Jersey governor, Jim McGreevy. Two sexslaves are kissing around his cock when Chode approaches.
Chode tries to play it cool and mildly gay, but keeps accidentally hitting on the governor in the process of making his business proposal. So McJersey sends his sex slaves over to Chode to dance as a sign of friendship. Chode bugs out and finds Six. He takes her into a billiards room, throws her on the pool table and takes her. This is the first time we actually get to see those two have sex! But they makes so much noise that it attracts the attention of everyone at the party.
They’re busted, in every sense of the word.
Heterosex is punishable by death on this planet. But since Six is an android, she gets to go free. Chode isn’t so lucky. McGreevy comes to Chode’s cell that night to interrogate him. Since I live on the border of New Jersey, I already know where this is heading, McJersey is secretly straight. He pumps Chod for information about how straight sex feels, and tells him what he thinks about tits. Chode make the governor a deal. Six will secretly sleep with him, and in exchange Chode will be set free and can sell the G-Y jelly. McJersey agrees.
One wild romp with Six later, and McJersey sees what he’s been missing all along. But his religious guilt takes over and he has second thought about what happens. To avoid scandal, he claims that Six “raped” him and will have both her and Chode executed the next day.
Six is first at the chopping block, but first the crew has an idea on how to save Six and reluctantly Chode too. They plan on replacing his speech with some of Chode’s grade A porn. So they have Whip beam it down to them. Of course he just managed to break the case open at that point! But using the transporter makes we wonder why they just didn’t beam Six and Chode up instead and fly like hell outta there?! Anyway the plans works out great. McJersey is too preoccupied with the poontang pictures that he flubs his speech. A well placed fan spills the mags all over the crowd. McGreevy is finished, and the population wants to lynch him. The crew use this opportunity to escape.
Luckily for McJersey, the men on the planet all throw like girls so nobody can hurt him by throwing objects at the far way governor. That is until the women’s softball team showed up!
Up in space and a hundred light years away, Gus devises another plan for the G-Y jelly. He plans on re-labeling it as lip gloss. T’Nuk loves it! Chode orders the ship toward her homeworld, Moo. Or as Chode calls it Mad Cow VI.
I’d rate this episode a gay 5,225 out of 10.
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Tripping the Rift reviews are © 2005 Ryan Bechtel.
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