LEXX: Cultures: The Planet Fire
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The planet Fire is in the Dark Zone. It is part of a Binary planet system and is partnered with the Planet Water.
Unfortunately, it’s a hellish place! – literally. If you were to imagine the most inhospitable place, the Planet Fire would be it.
The people of fire are pretty inhospitable too. They are either stupid, very stupid, nasty or nasty and stupid. If you were to meet someone from the Fire planet in a pub, they would be the ones fighting. They are unwashed, bad-tempered, silly and downright nasty (and stupid). Mind you, what would you expect in Hell?!
Fire is at war with it’s neighbor, the planet Water. There is no reason for this war other than the fact that the people of Water are ‘nice’.
The ruler of the Fire planet is Prince, and he is, in every respect, a devilish person bent on the destruction of Water and the cruel subjugation of his people.
The Fire planet is a desert which is so hot that people cannot live on it’s surface. They have to build their cities as high as possible to escape the heat. They travel between cities (and to the planet of Water), in large balloons (made in Girltown). If you were to be stranded on the surface you could only expect to live for an hour or so.
Fire Humour: |
Q: How does a Water woman like her eggs in the morning? |
The cities are built atop long and slender towers. They are ugly and industrious. Despite the height however, they are still too hot to live and they require the use of slave labour to pump bellows which blow cool air around the city to make it livable.
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In the first and last episodes of Season 3, Stanley experienced just how awful this activity can be.
The people of Fire are the bad people. They are doomed to exist on Fire as punishment for the wrongs they have done to others. Every time they die, (and life expectancy is pretty short), they are reincarnated and returned to their respective punishment. This means that there is no concept of ‘children’ on the Fire planet. People are not born, they are reincarnated.
The Bellows Chamber is the highest punishment (level 9) and involves being strapped into a chair and forced to peddle a bicycle contraption to work the bellows.
If the unfortunate occupant stops peddling for long enough, his/her head is chopped off.
If you were to find yourself an occupant of the planet Fire, it is safe to say that you would be very unhappy indeed – Prince would make sure of it.
Race Rating – The Planet Fire | |||
Personality | 1 (rancid butter) – | 4 (cool dude) | 2 |
Attractiveness | 1 (requires paper bag) – | 5 (Drop-dead-gorgeous) | 2 |
Humour | 1 (stomach-turning) – | 5 (sidesplitting) | 2 |
Dress Sense | 1 (laughable) – | 5 (hip) | 3 |
Aggression | 1 (big/little softy) – | 5 (hard as nails) | 4 |
Social Standing | 1 (scumbag) – | 5 (god) | 3 |
Sad Geezer Race Rating (out of 30) = 16 |
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This review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
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