Production 2
Direction 3
Characterisation 4
Storyline 2
Acting 5
Fun/Sexy/Cool 2

Well, one day I would like the writers of this show to come up with plausible excuses as to how our intrepid hero gets onto planets that Andromeda can’t even get near, and I would like to see the Maru pass a safety test, I don’t think that much duct tape is legal

Summary 3.0 crappy
Production 0
Direction 0
Characterisation 0
Storyline 0
Acting 0
Fun/Sexy/Cool 0
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Summary 0.0 terrible

Andromeda: S02E07: Una Salas Victus

An epsiode review by Hollydays

Requested: one Mark VECM Unit, 1000 km of Fullerene cable, one low-yield Nuclear warhead.
Purpose: Surprise party for foreign dignitary.

Argosy Special Operations
Requisition Form,
CY 9512

Rev Bem is out and about in the universe once again and is sending a message to Andromeda about the latest contagious disease, Mackrai Fever. The disease has spread throughout the major cities of Rogina.  Time is of the essence.

Andromeda will escort a convoy of Wayist medical ships: Since time is the most important factor it is decided that Andromeda will guide the convoy through a former High Guard defence point, the Acheron System, thus cutting the transit time in half.

Enter the problem: Acheron is under the control of the Nietzscheans. Particularly the Drago-Kazov. They have all the old High Guard missile batteries under their control.

Enter the improbable: Somehow Dylan and Tyr have been able to land undetected on the planet with the command centre. Their job is to infiltrate and neutralize it. Hmmm…shouldn’t be too hard.

Dylan decides to capture two of the guards wandering around in the forest in order to get info and the guard’s communication codes. Dylan and Tyr set up the ambush…and Tyr kills them, with his big, shiny gun. Dylan is mighty peeved about this and tells Tyr off, Tyr tells Dylan that he has done this kind of thing before and therefore Dylan ought to be following HIS lead.  Dylan retorts “ Well, then you are the luckiest bastard I’ve ever met, you’re still alive, is spite of leaving a trail of bodies behind you like breadcrumbs!” Tyr looks like the scolded child he is and pulls a pouty lip. As Dylan sits whining about the screw up, Tyr pulls a Harper and miraculously deciphers the communication thingy (not just a pretty face after all?) that they took from one of the dead guards and gives it to Dylan. (awww, peace offering).

 Now that Dylan has the communication codes he wanted he changes the subject to how they are going to get into the fortified bunker sitting halfway up a mountain. There is a platoon of baddies at the bottom of the mountain, no going that way. Tyr suggests they use pixie dust and sprout wings. AH Ha! What a great idea, is apparently the reaction, as Dylan’s face lights up at the thought.  Hey look at this, I didn’t know how to get over to the mountain but I happen to have a nice big batman grapple in my pants which I’ll use to cross the ravine over to the mountain and none of the troops below will spots us!” (okay so he didn’t say any of that, but come on now).  Tyr looks like he may be afraid of heights and basically tells Dylan he is nuts. Dylan replies with the Argosy Special Operations motto “Una Salas Victus”, which apparently means the one hope of the doomed, is not to hope for safety.   “ZIIIPPP” across they go, with no one seeing or hearing them.   They end up conveniently at a nice barricaded backdoor entrance.  Dylan has a nice holo map of the place from when it was a high guard establishment.

Meanwhile Captain Beka is having trouble with one of her flock. one of the 23 ships has gone astray. It has lots of meds on board and three of the best epidemiologists. She turns the command deck over to Captain Harper in order to go off in the Maru to find the wayward ship (how the heck did Dylan and Tyr get on the planet then?).  Harper looks so very happy and so very scared…Rommie looks so very scared.

Back to Neitzschean land: Our intrepid hero and his sidekick get a message over their stolen communicator. The baddies know they are there! Dylan blows up the gate blocking their way into the tunnels. Dylan does not find his way so easily in the tunnels.  Some of them have been blocked while others have automated defence systems, which look like large gattling guns.  Like MIB agents, they don their protective glasses and proceed to blast the gun to smithereens.  All would be well in the world except that there are plenty more to blast.  The Drago-Katsov close in on their position…

Beka has found the wayward vessel and sends them on their way to the proper rendezvous. Nasty Nietzschean’s (N) show up and start firing.  Beka knows she can’t slipstream back to the convoy or the N will follow. Instead she opens a portal big enough to blind the N sensors so that she can “turn around and kick (their) bone-bladed behinds!” Two ships immediately fall victim to that tactics of Valentine. That leaves one ship left, which is giving her plenty-o-trouble. She drops a load of “anti-ship fragmentation” mines and sets the fuses short (while the poor Maru protests). The last Nietzschean ship falls victim to the mines, but Beka is also caught in the fray. So damaged that they are unable to fight or flight, both ships move aimlessly in space…

Captain Harper is having a conniption fit that he cannot find Beka with Andromeda’s sensors but keeps the convoy on their slip jump schedule….

In the tunnels, Dylan and Tyr are a two man wrecking crew, blowing up defences and Dragos left, right, and centre. (It’s pretty sad that two people can whip a High Guard station so easily).  The team stops long enough to recharge their weapons and receive a communiqué from the Nietzschean head dude, Fleet Marshal Cuchculain Nez Pearce (previously seen in the Honey Offering).  He tells Dylan that he actually set up this ambush months ago and tells Dylan to give up and save everyone a lot of grief. Dylan doesn’t reply to him but remarks to Tyr that he likes giving people grief.

Meanwhile, Beka is attempting to repair her ship and gets hailed by the nasty Nietzschean sharing space with her.  The woman identifies herself as Pavarti Quecha. She tells Beka that she should surrender to her since her pride has no quarrel with Beka and they’ll just hold her until the current business is concluded. Beka points out that her ship looks just as damaged as Beka’s. Quecha counters that Beka won’t stand a chance in a freighter against her…(yeah, right!)

Back to Acheron: Cuchculain is still attempting to dissuade Dylan form wreaking the joint. He tells Dylan that all he wants is Tyr. He wants Dylan to hand over Tyr or else he will kill them both, destroy Andromeda, and let the disease on Rogina play itself out.  He suggests that Dylan ask Tyr what he was doing on Enga’s Redoubt.

Andromeda and convoy are within one slipstream jump of Acheron and still no sign of Beka. Harper believes the worse and is ready to kick some Nietzschean butt. Rommie tries to be a voice of reason.

On Acheron Dylan confronts the Neitzschean…Tyr. He wants to know what Tyr stole from the Drago-Katsov (like Rommie didn’t just scan the coffin shaped crate). His ultimatum:  “If you lie to me, I’m going to blow your head off!”  (apparently with the force lance pointed at Tyr’s head).

This line of reason Tyr can appreciate and he spills the beans about how he has the Progenitor, Museveni’s, remains. The remains, for a Nietzschean, are worth dying for. They are the only way to be able to prove the identity of Museveni when he is reincarnated. The reincarnated Museveni will claim leadership and unite the prides. The holder of the remains will be very powerful.

Dylan is angry that Tyr has dragged Andromeda into this petty fight. Tyr counters that Andromeda is quite safe as long as she houses the remains as the Nietzscheans will not risk destroying them. What really ticks Dylan off is the fact that Tyr’s vision of the future (Nietzscheans banding together and ruling the universe) doesn’t align with his vision of the restored Commonwealth. Tyr and Dylan verbally fight it out regarding this issue. Tyr derides Dylan’s reasoning that his motive for restoring the commonwealth is the impending trillion hungry Maggog but that Dylan woke up and found that his secure ordered existence was in shambles and decided to personally reshape the universe according to his own vision.

Tyr challenges Dylan that if this isn’t the truth than he should make good on his promise and kill Tyr….Dylan doesn’t shoot him so he takes this as confirmation of his surmise. Tyr goes further to say “We both know you were never going to shoot me” to which Dylan replies by shaking his head and telling him “It’s amazing, it’s been over a year, and you don’t know me at all”. And with that he levels his force lance at Tyr….

Back to Beka, where Quechua continues their chat while they both pursue their own repairs. She expresses some admiration for Beka – she commends her for testing her will against a hostile universe, but concedes that the attempt to re-establish the Commonwealth is lunacy.

Beka investigates the reason that Quechua is a fighter pilot. Apparently Nietzschean women are supposed to stay home and have babies…which is why Quechua is a pilot, she is sterile and therefore defective by Neitzschean terms.  If Quechua performs well in her career, she has the opportunity to advance her family members chances of breeding and therefore passing on their genes. Quechua connects with Beka when she confides to her that she doesn’t think she was meant to stay at home with “two co-wives and a dozen rug rats while some wannabe Alpha postures…shoot me now!

Beka tries to do a runner but her by-pass fails and a reactor threatens to blow…

Andromeda enters the Acheron system. Neitzschean task forces appear out of nowhere.  Adding to his fear that the Drago-Katsov have already tortured and killed Beka, Harper draws the conclusion that the Nietzscheans released the plague on Rogina in order to draw Andromeda into their trap. He decides to go to battle stations.

Meanwhile…Beka continues chatting with Quechua while trying to speed the repairs. Quechua kisses Beka’s @#$ again about the fact that she has read Beka’s intelligence file and is very impressed with how Beka came from less than stellar genetic roots and took her rotten hand and survived anyways. (For supposedly being so supra nationalistic, these N sure admire kluges vocally). Beka notices that Quechua is using their chat to try and send a computer virus through the communication carrier wave.  Quechua justifies herself by telling Beka that she is only trying to disable the Maru so that she doesn’t have to kill Beka.  She will kill Beka if the possibility of her getting away arises in order so as not to disgrace herself further in her society.

Meanwhile the plot thickens….

While the Nietzschean forces envelop Andromeda, Dylan contacts Cuchlain: He offers to turn over Tyr.

Cuchlain arrives on the scene and announces that his forces have cornered Andromeda in the outer solar system of Acheron.  He tells Dylan to hand over Tyr first and then he’ll call off his task force. Tyr tells Dylan not to trust Cuchlain to which Dylan retorts that Tyr has called this down on himself…Cuchlain sucks up their bickering gleefully.

While the age old sci-fi ploy is being played out, Tyr gets out of his bonds takes out two Neitz attendants, socks Cuchlain in the jaw, grabs a gun, kills more Neitz, and gets away, and so does Dylan.  Cuchlain remarks “Caught with my pants down by a Kludge, magnificent! (another “Kludges are great” remark). He sends his men off to kill them both.

On Andromeda, Harper has decided to hell with the Wayist ships, if Andromeda is going down it is going to take out as many Nietzschean ships as possible. However, the calming influences of Rommie and Trance prevail and he decides to protect the Wayist ships thereby saving the people of Rogina and hurting the Nietzscheans tactically.

Dylan and Tyr meet up. They have a tense moment, unsure of each others motives since neither one has been able to reach the other as planned due to the Nietz jamming the communications. They realize it’s all just a misunderstanding and skip off together to deal with the missile batteries.

In the space above, Andromeda is about proceed with one “last act of freaking defiance!” when the Nietzschean ships start blowing up around them. Yey! Dylan and Tyr have taken over the missile command center and are targeting the enemy ships. Dylan plans one more surprise for the Nietzscheans.

Quechua brings her ship around to face the Maru. Apparently her ship is repaired. She offers to relate any last messages to family or friends for Beka. In the background on the Maru we hear that life support is offline to which Beka responds, “if this doesn’t work, I won’t be needing any more oxygen!” Beka, resignedly, slumps down into her pilots chair and tells Quechua that she does have a message. She tells Quechua “I’m sorry”, as she fires on her. Her fighter explodes while Beka looks on with sadness.

One not so nasty Neitzschean down, one very nasty Neitzschean to go.

Cuchlain and his men enter missile command. Dylan tells them to all walk away. However Cuchlains plans are to “kill you, neutralize the Andromeda, and take back our stolen property!” Dylan sighs, “I thought you’d say that”. He pushes a button on his wrist EMC? thing. one of the missile batteries turns and fires a shot at the planet. Everyone but Dylan looks up nervously. The bunker rocks from the explosion.

He explains to Cuchlain that each blast carries the equivalent of 20 megatons. He estimates that the bunker can take five or possibly six such hits before being reduced to rubble. Cuchlain can’t believe that the Dylan is willing to die with them in order to win. Dylan pushes the button again. Cuchlain tells Dylan that he’s insane while more bombs drop. Dylan appreciatively nods at the compliment while Tyr chimes in that Cuchlain is beaten.

Cuchlian flinches and tells Dylan to ceasefire and he will call off his troops while Dylan replies that Cuchlain really ought to go first and presses the button again. “Whooaa! That’s four” he tells Cuchlain, “I’m kinda curious to see what five’s gonna feel like. How about you?” Cuchlain calls off his forces and tells Dylan that before he only cared about getting back at Tyr and recovering the remains of Drago but now he will be gunning for Dylan. (oh surprise, freakin’ surprise). Cuchlain and his men take off.

Beka has made it safely back to the Andromeda, much to the relief of Harper. She is in a dark brooding mood but she sits and hugs him in silence.

Tyr and Dylan have also made it back safely to Andromeda (who knows how). Dylan is reviewing the information on the status of the disease on Rogina when Tyr confronts him. Tyr can no longer get into his locker to drool over his precious bones. Tyr states that the bones belong to him but Dylan tells him that everything on the ship belongs to him. Tyr’s eyes pop out while he screams back “I don’t belong to you!

Dylan tells him that he is free to leave any time but the remains are going to stay under Dylan’s protection (and Andromeda’s watchful eyes). Tyr sees that he has lost the upper hand and retreats trying to spare his dignity by telling Dylan that as long as the remains are safe he is content to leave them where they are, but that the day will come when he will want to retrieve them and use them. Dylan dryly replies that when that day comes, he may even LET Tyr have them back and that it just depends on “the shape of the universe!

Tyr can barely conceal his rage as he warns Dylan that his mistake was revealing to his adversary just how far he is willing to go.

Dylan replies “Una Salas Victus

Slipstream? We don’t need no freakin’ Slipstream, we can fly through the plot holes!

.

Well, one day I would like the writers of this show to come up with plausible excuses as to how our intrepid hero gets onto planets that Andromeda can’t even get near, and I would like to see the Maru pass a safety test, I don’t think that much duct tape is legal and since when can flippin’ freighters can fighters left, right and centre? Also there is the Traditional Star Trek problem: Why can Andromeda decimate an entire fleet in 6.2 seconds and an entire planet in 2 minutes in other episodes and have such problems every other week with mere outposts? Also, Hi THERE! WE are not stupid: Why open each and every show already in the middle of the action and then have the characters reiterate what they are already doing (because you or I always go to work each day and do that don’t we?? “Hey Bob, look I am typing up that report we discussed, the subject of the report is…”) And why does Dylan always have every angle worked out? “Una Salas Vicus” my ass, He wouldn’t have been stranded at the event horizon of a black hole for 300 yrs now would he?

Hmmm, I’d rate this episode -12 out of 10
What do you think?

The “Una Salas Victus” episode review is © 2001, 2002 Hollydays.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The names, characters and everything else associated with Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda TV series are the property of the Tribune Entertainment Company. All rights reserved.

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