Babylon 5: Cultures: Minbari
The Minbari look exactly like humans except for two features, they are bald and the have an elaborate head bone which protrudes round from the back of the head almost to the eyes. It is supposed to be protective.
|Social tip:||An aggressive Minbari can also head-but you with the back of his head.|
Minbari babies are not born with head bones (no doubt to the relief of the Minbari mother); they gradually grow out as the child gets older.
The head bone is a very significant part of a Minbari. It determines the persons ‘social standing’ in life. A Minbari is either a worker (someone who does), a worrior (someone who does someone in), or a member of the religious order (someone who does what they like). These ‘occupations’ are known as ‘casts’. The religious cast follows the teachings of Valen, an ancient hero/soul buddy character who is quoted often and righteously.
You can tell the ‘cast ‘ of a Minbari by the shape of the head bone.
Women have smooth head bones, which curve gracefully to a point at the back of the head. As you might expect though, blokes have lots of peaks ending in a single peak at the back. The probable equivalent of a haircut to a Minbari is a visit to the local stonemason.
The Minbari warrior cast has aggressive spiky head bones, the workers have a head shaped like a brick and the religious casts have elegant crowns. As a Minbari gets older he or she is likely to suffer ‘creeping head bone disorder’, where the bone gradually infests the top of the head. Special care must be taken to stop the bone from completely enveloping the head rendering them blind and dumb. I suppose we should think ourselves lucky, having only to worry about nasal hair and drooping breasts.
Next time you complain about having to shave, spare a thought for the poor Minbari sand-papering his head!
Minbari can seem a little arrogant to us humans reminding me of parents, they always have an answer and seem to deliver it with an uncanny knack of looking down at you, no matter how short they are.
The best way to stop this happening is to put vodka in their orange juice. Minbari don’t drink, it makes them paranoid and violent. If you see a drunk Minbari in a pub he/she will usually be jumping on peoples shadows.
|Minbari Humour||Q. What is the difference between Valen and a Vorlon?
A. Valen doesn’t think he is a Vorlon.
Socially, Minbari are not much fun. If you were out on the town with the ‘lads/girls’, the Minbari would be drinking water and looking at your attempts to chat-up members of the opposite sex with disdain. In fact if you’re out with a Minbari girl, you should forget getting her into bed for at least a couple of years, look at Sheridan and Delenn for goodness sake. The geezer flew off to Z’ha’dum, ‘the planet of no return’ in the third series and all he got from Delenn the night before was a kiss?
If you’re a woman out with a Minbari bloke, he’s certainly a lot more frightened than you are of him.
|Race Rating – Minbari|
|Personality||1 (rancid butter) –||5 (cool dude)||3|
|Attractiveness||1 (requires paper bag) –||5 (Drop-dead-gorgeous)||4|
|Humour||1 (stomach-turning) –||5 (sidesplitting)||2|
|Dress Sense||1 (laughable) –||5 (hip)||3|
|Aggression||1 (big/little softy) –||5 (hard as nails)||4|
|Social Standing||1 (scumbag) –||5 (god)||4|
Sad Geezer Race Rating (out of 30) = 20
This Culture review is © 1999 – 2019 Tony Fawl.
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