Babylon 5: Cultures: Vorlons

Vorlons are one of the few remaining First ones, represented on Babylon 5 by a character called Kosh. There were in fact two Kosh’s. Kosh one got clobbered by a bunch of Shadows in Series Three (but not without depositing part of himself in Sheridan). Kosh two got clobbered by the ‘remnant’ of Kosh one in the Forth Series because he was behaving like a git…. Confused?…. you will be!

One of the best things about the Vorlons is that nobody knows much about them. They are uncommunicative and more than a little aloof. You wouldn’t pick a fight with a Vorlon, then again, you wouldn’t buy one a drink either.

Click here to listen to Kosh NaranekKosh 1, Vorlon Ambassador to Babylon 5
Almost assassinated in the first series, he finally got clobbered by the Shadows in series three.

They’re probably immortal. They are supposed to be heavy methane, sulfur, and CO2 breathers. Fortunately for us, they have an encounter suit to protect them from the nasty oxygen and nitrogen gasses and to stop us immature races having to endure the noxious odor of manure.

At first it seemed that they may be, in some way, benevolent in that they understood the ways of the universe and they would steer the younger races through to the promised land (peace or something) with a guiding, supportive hand. Little did we know that they would go round blowing up the odd few million people just because they had the Shadows over for lunch.

Picture of Kosh .... erm 2Kosh 2, The second Vorlon Ambassador to Babylon 5.
This one looks like Kosh 1 (all Vorlons look the same to me), but he was killed off by some Babylon 5 security geezers and a bit of Kosh 1(?).

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They are not particularly ‘chatty’. Verbal communication seems to be a great effort. Their speech sounds like they are clearing their throat through a microphone connected to a synthesizer playing music samples of ‘da do run run’ on violins…… sort of.   Click the picture of Kosh 1 to hear for yourself.

Do you remember the last time you had too much to drink and was sick? That’s how it sounds when a Vorlon laughs.

Vorlon Humour: Two little birdies sitting on a wall, one named Peter and one named Paul. Fly away Peter, Fly away Paul. Ha ha ha dust bin lid!

Imagine you’re in a pub with a Vorlon……… you can’t can you? You wouldn’t know whether to buy him a drink or hang your coat in him. The only good thing about them is the fact that they can really kick-ass in a fight, yep! I think I’d buy one a drink.

The lovely Lyta chatting with KoshLyta Alexander, The Vorlons human sidekick
I don’t know what she is doing with Kosh, but I wish she would do it to me!

And another thing, what’s with the pyrotechnics every time Lyta cuddles up to Kosh for a cosy chat. It’s disgusting! It looks like she’s giving a blow job to a laser cannon.

They perceive reality, time, and space differently than the rest of us and they have an irritating characteristic of speaking about themselves in the plural, they view each individual Vorlon as part of a whole rather like the Borg in Star Trek or even Smeagol in Lord of the Rings.The Vorlons have very strong telepathic abilities. They can interfere with your dreams, distance for this ability does not pose a great threat. It is said by some that Vorlons can fly, or at least levitate.

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Every time I hear a Vorlon talk about himself, I expect to hear the sentence punctuated with ‘my precious’.

Personally I think the Vorlons are a bunch of patronizing gits (but don’t tell them I said that).

In episode six of the forth series, Into the Fire, they were confronted by the Shadows and the Army of Light.  It was not much of a battle but they were persuaded by the First one to emigrate to ‘beyond the rim’ with the Shadows and the other First ones. Good riddance!

Race Rating – Vorlons
Personality 1 (rancid butter) – 5 (cool dude) 1
Attractiveness 1 (requires paper bag) – 5 (Drop-dead-gorgeous) 1
Humour 1 (stomach-turning) – 5 (sidesplitting) 1
Dress Sense 1 (laughable) – 5 (hip) 3
Aggression 1 (big/little softy) – 5 (hard as nails) 5
Social Standing 1 (scumbag) – 5 (god) 5

Sad Geezer Race Rating   (out of 30)  =  16                          

This Culture review is © 1999 – 2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

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The BABYLON 5 names, characters and everything else associated with the series are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, TNT and Warner Brothers, a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company. All rights reserved.

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