Buffy the Vampire Slayer: People: Willow

Willow Rosenberg

Willow Rosenberg is Buffy’s best friend and a most powerful witch in Western hemisphere! As she said herself, “Hard to believe such a hot mama-yama came from humble, geek-infested roots” (All the Way), but six years ago she used to be painfully shy, had a massive crush on Xander and let her mother choose her clothes. For a while I was wondering if Willow’s mother was colour-blind or just did not like her daughter very much. Or maybe the weird clothes were a ploy to repel the boys and ensure Willow’s chastity.

Like many other computer nerds, Willow once had a thing for a guy she met online. When they met in real life, he turned out to be a robot possessed by a demon.

That actually happens a lot. For instance, when I met Sadgeezer in real life, he turned out to be quite a machine.

Battling forces of darkness, facing death on regular basis and hanging out with Buffy did wonders for Willow’s personality. She discovered her inner strength, became more confident, started studying magic and dating a werewolf guitarist Oz. After high school she was accepted into all the top universities, but decided to stay in Sunnydale and go to the crappy local college because she wanted to carry on slaying evil and being on the show. She became Buffy’s dorm roommate after Buffy almost killed her old roommate Kathy for ruining her sweater, playing pop music too loud, attempting to steal her soul and generally being a demon. Oz went to the same college and things were great until he started cheating on Willow with a female werewolf!

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I felt really sorry for Willow. She could not even scream at him: “What does she have that I don’t?” because he might actually have an answer: “Fur, claws, bushy tail, six nipples, do I have to continue?”

In the end he left, and Willow was so heartbroken and sad that she was offered to become a Vengeance Demon. Instead, she chose to become a lesbian.

Tara, Willow’s girlfriend, was also a witch. Hot girl-on-girl action was sure fun to watch, although it was quite strange for a while. They would join hands, pant heavily and rings of fire would appear around them. Kinky, if you ask me.

Apparently, Willow is very good at oral sex. Her ministrations used to make Tara levitate above the bed and scream: “You make me cum… plete!” What’s “plete”, anyway?

Last year Tara was killed by a stray bullet aimed at Buffy. Grief-stricken Willow tortured her murderer and skinned him alive, which was nice. Unfortunately, she went too far and did some things she might regret later, like trying to destroy the world and being mean to Giles (that’s way worse in my book). I hope she will find a way to make up for it.

If you met Willow in a pub, it would be a great night out! She would make guys dance naked in cages and turn all obnoxious people into sheep. Well, if you were an obnoxious person you would be a sheep, so you would probably find it not so good and rather annoying.

Willow is played by Allison Hannigan

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Willow: It’s the computer age. Nerds are in. They’re still in, right?

Willow: Occasionally, I’m callous and strange
(The Zeppo)

Willow: Bunch of wanna-blessed-bees. You know nowadays every girl with a henna tattoo and a spice rack thinks she’s a sister to the dark ones.

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