Jokers: Jokes About Things: Light Bulb Jokes

Light Bulb Jokes

How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
472, o­ne to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, o­ne to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, o­ne to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle…..

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
“We’ve formed a task force to study the problem and why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we, as supervisors, can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.”

How many tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
“We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine.Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay, now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be four or five things wrong – have you tried the switch?

How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, two to hold the ladder and o­ne to screw the bulb into the tap.

How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight: o­ne to work the bulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, Bill Gates will just redefine MSDarkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

How many Apple employees does it take to change a light bulb?
7, o­ne to change the bulb and six to design the T – Shirt.

How many Apple programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the light bulb will be obselete in six months anyway.

How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?
We just noticed that it was dark, we don’t actually fix the problem.

How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
“The light bulb works fine o­n the system in my office.”

How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
“Your’e still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you’d have to do is send a light bulb change message.”

How many shipping department personel does it take to change a light bulb?
“We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days; if you call before two pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the light bulb changed overnight. Don’t forget to put your name o­n the upper right hand corner of the light bulb box.”

How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, o­ne to chnage the bulb and o­ne to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
•9, o­ne to climb the ladder and change it and eight to stand around grumbling “that should be me up there”
•None, that’s a crew member’s job.

How many Einstein’s does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends o­n the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or visa versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room, it’s all relative.

How many gay men does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, o­ne to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek “fabulous”.

How many mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven, o­ne to force the bulb with a hammer, five to go out for more bulbs and o­ne to make up other repairs for the bill.

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?
“Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago and I’ve just cashed up.”

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, and you should have seen the bulb, it must have been t h i s big.

How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends o­n what you want to change it in to.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, o­ne to screw it in and o­ne to screw it up.

How many monkeys does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, o­ne to do it and o­ne to scratch it’s bum.

How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
Wow; is it like, dark, man?

How many chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
Screw in a light bulb? They cant even cross a road.

How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
None of your f*****g business, get outta my f*****g way.

How many Englishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you mean, change. It’s a perfectly good light bulb. We’ve had it for 100 years and it’s worked fine.

How many Ukranians does it take to change a light bulb?
They don’t need to, they glow in the dark.

How many Australians does it takt to change a light bulb?
17, o­ne to change the bulb and 16 to stand around saying “Goodonya mate”.

How amny Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
First things first, how many of them does it take to figure out it’s blown?

How many disarmament activists does it take to change a light bulb?
•If we change our bulb, they’ll change theirs to a brighter o­ne, so where will it all end?
•We already have enough bulbs to illuminate the whole world three times over.
•We shouldn’t spend money for light as long as there is anyone hungry anywhere.
•We don’t know what effect all this artficial light will have o­n the future of mankind.
•Nature provides us with all the light we need, we just haven’t learnt to harness it yet.
•Artificial light isn’t asthetically correct.
•The candle is more traditional, and uses no electricity.
•It is the responsibility of the Federal Government to provide light to all Australians, regardless of race, age, creed, colour, sex, religion, socio – economic status, national origin or need.

How many dead politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as possible.

How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
None, he’ll o­nly promise change.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
•That’s not funny.
•Two, o­ne to change the bulb and o­ne to write about how it felt.
•Three, o­ne to screw it in and two to discuss the sexual implications.
•Four, o­ne to change it and three to hold a forum o­n how the lightbulb is exploiting the socket.
•Three, o­ne to change the bulb and two to secretly wish they were the socket.
•Two – o­ne to screw in the bulb and o­ne to kick the balls off any man who tries to help.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. o­ne change the bulb, and another 5 to figure out what to do with it for the next 10,000 years. -Submitted by Headgehog

 

If you would like to submit a joke email me. 
Please include your name and email address so that
you can be credited with your submission.

Share this: