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Bill Clinton Jokes

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
“What is it?” yells the President.
“It’s this abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want me to do about it?” the aide asks.
“Just go ahead and pay it,” responds the President.

President Clinton has vehemently denied that he told former intern Monica Lewinsky to lie. “What I actually said,” claims the President, “was to lie down.”

Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex.
Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.

One Coat or Two?
Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton in the Oval Office that the ceiling needs to be painted.

Bill Clinton: the only man who can turn attention away from one of his sex scandals with another sex scandal!

A poll asked 600 women if they would sleep with President Clinton.
82% said, “Not anymore.”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

•  Plato: for the greater good.
•  Karl Marx: It was historical inevitability.
•  Douglass Adams: 42
•  Oliver North: National security was at stake.
•  Darwin: It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees
•  Earnest Hemmingway: To die. In the rain.
•  Saddam Hussein: It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it.
•  Ronald Regan: I forget.
•  Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it f—–g wanted to.
•  Mark Twain: The news of it’s crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
• Mr T: If you saw me coming, you’d cross the road too.