Red Dwarf: S08E02: Back in the Red (II)
The show opens with a log by Captain Hollister who explains the plot of the previous episode. Later, Rimmer enters his office armed with a report on how to prevent the accidental destruction of the ship (the exact same thing that happened in episode 1, The End). Hollister is impressed, and when Rimmer hands him a tube of hemeroid cream, the good Captain doesn’t punch him in the face as most of us would do, instead he invites Rimmer to eat at the Captains table! Rimmer is overjoyed and leaves with one of his customary silly salutes.
(NOTE: The invitation was given in an envelope, which Rimmer needed to lick to secure. only after he had licked the envelope did he notice that it was addressed to him.)
Kryten undergoes a hilarious medical examination where he is classified as a woman because he has no male genitalia! He commiserates with Kochanski in her quarters. The classification is a Space Corps directive to prevent gender ambiguity in jail. Kryten is particularly worried because he doesn’t feel able to say no to his being restored to his origional factory settings. Kochanski suggests that when he is feeling particularly insecure, he imagines his opposers to be sat on the toilet. This humorous visualisation will help him to feel less unworthy. (Works for me!) Kryten agrees and laughs as he looks at Kochanski.
In the Enquiry Room next morning, Kryten, Cat, Lister and Kochanski are all dressed in Uniform (except Kryten of course) and sat facing the Captain and a group of Red Dwarf’s other senior officers. I have to tell you guys, Chloe Annette, as Kochanski looks absolutely drop-dead gorgeous in this episode dressed in that uniform! I know it’s sexist, but what the hell, I reckon you girls are pretty impressed with Lister and Rimmer in their uniforms too. Good Grief some of you out there will be getting pretty hot and bothered about Kryten’s shinny black, sleek metallic body armour and those glistening shimmery nipple nuts… and …. erm…)
Lister tells the group that they should not worry, that Rimmer has agreed to save them. Hollister asks them if they agree to be mind-scanned and also agree to take psychotropic drugs to enhance the mind scan’s effectiveness. They agree and sign a consent form, then each of them place the form in an envelope, which they secure by licking the tab and carefully sealing. Hollister tells the defendants that they will re-convene at 10am tomorrow.
Later, Rimmer joins Lister in his cell and tells him that his plan to achieve promotion code-named GROPE (Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power and Eminence) is working. He is very pleased. Finally he would be able to get one over on his father, who never liked him. “He was never proud of me. What other father would claim to have an alibi for his sperm on the night of conception.”
Unfortunately for Lister, Rimmer refuses to hand over the codes to escape from his cell. He also finds that Rimmer is in possession of the Luck and Sexual Magnetism viruses. He hands the tubes to Lister who takes hold of them. Lister also learns that Rimmer has reneged on the deal to help them escape. He has all he wanted, the viruses and the confidential records of the crew.
Rimmer leaves but not without realising that Lister touched the Luck Virus tube. Lister licks his finger and there is sufficient virus on it to enable him to luckily find the escape codes that he needs to leave his cell.
Meanwhile. Kryten is trying to tell the medical personal that he doesn’t want to be re-programmed. He uncharacteristically manages to grab the weapons of a nearby guard and forces the officers to the nearest toilet and asks then to take down their trousers and underwear and sit down! You can see what’s coming next – Well you don’t actually, it was quite tastefully done (trust the BBC) but we do notice that the good Doctor Lucas is wearing women’s stockings and a suspender! Kryten then asks the doctor to repeat the question. He confidently replies that he doesn’t want to be re-programmed after having a good laugh!
Two guards then enter and restrain Kryten before he is taken of to be forcefully re-programmed. Poor geezer – You just godda laugh!
Lister finds Kochanski and explains about the luck virus, “It’s a pity you didn’t do the same with the sexual magnetism.” She smiles. She doesn’t realise (or maybe she does!) that Lister touches the other tube with his other finger. Lister quickly remembers and, while they are both stuck in the lift, He licks his finger (as half the population was thinking ‘god I wish it was that easy!’) Kochanski makes very brief small talk before ravaging Lister. Unfortunately for him, the luck virus counterbalanced the Sexual Magnetism virus and Kochanski returns to her senses before any rude stuff happens. “I don’t know what got into me!” Says Kochanski apologetically.
“Well,” says a disappointed Lister, “Nothing sadly.”
Rimmer smirks as he approaches the Captains table. He takes a quick swig of the Sexual Magnetism Virus and sits down to the raunchy looks of admiration from the female officers. He tries to impress them with his knowledge of space phenomenon and sounds like a complete pratt! His every word however is lapped up by all the female officers who give him THE most come-to-bed eyes you ever saw. The first one to ‘get him’ is the lovely Doctor Karen Newton, she asks Rimmer to help her get the coffee. As they pass a store-room she helps herself to desert.
When the two return looking rather ruffled, everyone notices that they forgot the coffee. one by one the female officers help Rimmer find the coffeepot in the local store-room, until eventually he just can’t take anymore, he’s totally shagged out! Hollister tells the exhausted Rimmer about the psychotropic drugs and that Lister, Cat, Kochanski and Kryten are in a Virtual Reality suite under the influence of the psychotropic drug. They currently all believe that they are escaping. Hollister intends to see if they each corroborate their stories and indeed if they are guilty.
Rimmer is most worried by this. He is fully aware that Hollister may soon learn of Rimmer’s deal with Lister to solicit an early promotion. He leaves for the Virtual Reality room making some lame excuse.
Meanwhile, Cat, Lister, Kochanski and the re-programmed Kryten all meet up in the medical centre. All except Kryten are disguised as the Dwaine Dibbly family with false teeth and mops heads as hair. Kryten recognises the appearance and suddenly is his re-programming is un-programmed. He regains hiscorrupt programming – bloody hell it’s difficult to explain! You understand don’t you?
Rimmer attempts to regain some control of his sex-drive (and seemingly permanent erection), by injecting himself with a strong sedative.
Unfortunately it also relaxes his leg muscles and he wonders past a number of sexually heightened female colleagues walking as though he’s drunk!
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