LEXX: S04E06: The Rock


This was a strangely eerie episode. It was funny and scary too, but it had an almost whimsical quality. I must admit that after the first showing, I wasn’t particularly impressed. It seemed too much of a diversion from the story-line to hold my attention. But sure enough, the episode grew on me after seeing it a second time. It was well written, and directed and the music was wonderful.

You’ll remember from the last show that Xev, Stanley and Kai are in a Moth headed for Transylvania where Kai hopes to meet someone that was connected with the Divine Order. Stanley notices a landmass below and asks Kai if it is Transylvania. Kai replies that it is a place called Newfoundland.

Stanley remembers that the President gave him Newfoundland as a reward for helping him and Stan produces a piece of paper to prove it. Ah - HAAA  - I'm King!The paper of course, contains nothing but scribble and the Presidents signature.

That makes me the King of Newfoundland. That’s it down there. I say we go down and visit my subjects.” Says Stanley excitedly. “Transylvania can wait.

I’m sure you knew this already, but Salter Street Films and Electropolis Studios (where the LEXX show is written and made), is based in Halifax Nova Scotia. What little I’ve seen of the episode leads me to believe that it was filmed in Halifax (perhaps one of you could confirm this – {‘dgk’ says that it was filmed in St. Johns}).

As they land on the desolate but still quite beautiful show of a town somewhere in Newfoundland, an AFT operative spots them and their whereabouts are communicated to Prince.

Stanley (with his chest puffed out) approaches one of the natives, “Hello my loyal subject. I am Stanley H. Tweedle, the new king of Newfoundland and I’m wondering if you could direct me to the kings palace.” He asks politely but with a surprising degree of majesty.

The lady didn’t laugh at all! Instead she hit him with her handbag, “There’s no stone for you to crawl under Brud!” She said angrily.

That is no way to treat your new King.” Shouts King Stanley as his disrespectful subject storms off.

To make things worse, a couple of local dudes walk past and spit on him!

Meanwhile, back at the White House. The President and his new wife Bunny, are cuddling and tickling on the sofa. Just as the President begins to break into a sweat, Prince walks in.Oops, sorry, just playing He confidently interrupts to tell the President that Stanley has turned up to claim his throne and he wants to make sure that the captain of the LEXX does not leave the planet. He leans forward menacingly and informs the President that if Stanley leaves, it will make him very unhappy indeed!

Bunny is surprised and a little annoyed at the tone Prince is taking with her exciting new partner and Prince demonstrates his power over him by holding his hand out for the President to kiss. Their relationship is confirmed and Bunny learns that her new lover is completely dominated (and happily so) by Ismbard Prince.

Worse still, Bunny soon leans that her attractive nature will be the tool for persuading Stanley to stay in Newfoundland. The President reluctantly agrees. “I’ll dream of you every moment that I’m gone. And I’ll come quickly.” She says, “back.”

She asks that the President give her one last super special snuggle before she goes. But Prince informs her that ‘Chopper one’ is waiting on the helipad. I don’t think that was the chopper she was talking about. (Nice to see Patricia Zentilli back in the show – I once met the lovely Ms Zentilli you know, we were in a bar in Halifax and she hit me!).

Oh Ha ah ah ah ah ah 'ppy HourBack in Newfoundland, a geezer called Brud is singing and playing the piano (badly) in a bar. He looks exactly like Stanley Tweedle but has a more menacing air about him. He looks up intently at some big dude as he enters the bar. “Ok. This is for all the guys out there who got sister that can’t do any better in the sack than just lie there like a wet fish.

The comment was clearly directed at the dude who had just entered the room. Brud continued his insults until the geezer with the fishy sister said, “You’re a dead man Brud!” Brud ran off into the kitchen. There he finds the brother of another lady. This one wants to know where his sisters’ car is and the 500 dollars is that he borrowed.

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I lost the car on a pair of jacks.” Says Brud Parsnip, “And I spent the 500 dollars trying to wash your sisters stink off me.” He concluded as if he had no further use for living. Clearly these ladies were very disappointing!

Brud tries to escape and hides in a vat of fish water. He then crawls back into the bar and hides under a table. At this point three ladies (and I use the term very loosely) enter the room and ask to see Brud. They are each carrying a heavy implement.

Oooo, it's cold Meanwhile, Stanley Xev and Kai enter the bar and try to order a drink to warm themselves up. The angry brothers and ladies weren’t there by this time, but Brud was still hiding under the table. He overhears Stanley express his disappointment with Newfoundland and the people there.

Xev argues to go back to the LEXX and fly way to look for another planet. But Kai is still keen to visit Transylvania and explains to them both that he wishes to find out about the legends associated with the place. But Stan is not keen to leave his kingdom yet.

Suddenly, Bunny arrives at the bar and immediately recognises Stanley, Kai and Xev. She says hello and when asked how she remembers their names, she replies that she doesn’t know. She does however remember that Kai is dead.

She asks if she can speak to Stanley alone and while being overheard from Brud Parsnip (still under the table) he arranges to meet with him in her room (room 6) at 7.30 pm.

She leaves to go to her room and Brud Parsnip makes a quick telephone call pretending to be someone else. He mentions that Brud will be in Room 6 at 7.30. (Wadda git!)

In the bar, Kai is approached by the proprietor, a jolly priest (known to many of us as Father Jack in the hit Irish comedy Father Ted). He unwittingly invites Kai to play the piano and sing – clearly the news of Kai’s singing talents have not yet reached Newfoundland. Kai reluctantly agrees and begins to play the Brunnen G Chant. Yo Ay OhhNow as you know, Kai sings like an ashtray, but his piano playing is pretty good considering he’s never seen one before and the combination is strangely haunting. I found myself listening to the same notes over and over and not getting tired of them?!

Bunny contacts Prince in her bedroom. She is upset that she wasn’t able to confirm that Stanley would stay on the planet forever. Prince tells her that she must seduce Stan in order to keep him in Newfoundland (surely, that will only last for 5 minutes). She reluctantly agrees – but only after the President gives his blessing (!)

Meanwhile, Brud arrives early to room 6. Bunny invites him in and she learns that Stanley Tweedle has every intention of leaving the planet as soon as possible. Bunny tells him how upset she is and that her husband is the President of the United States. Can I cradle yer rock?But Brud, sensing her urgency, tells her that he must leave and makes for the door. Bunny grabs hold of his leg. “I’ll do anything you want…. Anything, you name it!

The dastardly Tweedle double asks Bunny to ‘cradle his rock’ there were no geological inferences to this request whatsoever.

And she did! We didn’t see exactly what cradling went on, but you can assume that the innocent but silly blonde cradled the ruthless Brud Parsnip as best she could.

Whoa.” Says Brud pulling his pants back on. “That hit the spot.
So you’re staying now?” Asks Bunny hopefully.
Oooh ‘fraid not,” replies Brud. “I’m leaving you and this planet.” Poor Bunny is mortified and goes to cry in the bathroom.

Kai is still playing the Brunnen G Chant … again and again. Each time it seems a little different. If it weren’t for the fact that the dead don’t like doing anything, I’d say that Kai was enjoying himself.

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Stanley is waiting impatiently for the clock to strike 7.30. He decides that 7.29 is close enough. He rushes up to the room and instead of finding Bunny eager and anticipating, she’s tearful and upset, “Bad man,” She shouts, “Bad man!” as she storms out of the room.

Worse still, the three loose ladies and the fish sister’s brother were in the room waiting for Brud. Stanley was tied to a chair immediately and thumped a few time as he protested his innocence.

In the bar, Brud finds Xev and mentions that he needs to talk to her. Xev is initially surprised to see Stanley with a new hat, but she’s too drunk to remember how attached he is to it (The Net, The Web). She is intrigued, but Brud wont tell her until she takes him to the Moth. They leave as some other musicians jam with Kai as he repeats his rather parochial version of the Brunnen G Chant.

Brud manages to persuade Xev to take them to the Moth. He had a secret that he could only tell on the LEXX.

What did you call my sister?Back in room 6, Stanley reiterates that he is the King of Newfoundland. He tells them to release him at once or he will tell the President of the United States.

Only Brud Parsnip could come up with a story like that.” Says one of Stanley’s captors. He decides to hit Stan very hard for every lie that he tells.

But I’m not…B…” Says Stanley as he is clobbered by the brother of a fish smelling ugly sister.

On the LEXX, Brud (still pretending to be Stanley Tweedle) begins to tell Xev his very important message… a song (?!) Something that he apparently wrote especially for her.

This song killed us.In the bar back on Earth, Kai finishes his song and is applauded by the Proprietor (the Priest). He asks Kai what language the song was written in.

… This song is an ancient song in a long lost language handed down by my ancestors. I was sung by the Brunnen G Warriors as we sang it when we went into battle expecting to die.” Explains Kai.
And what happened?” Asked the priest enquiringly.
We died.” Replied Kai with perfect comedic timing and a voice that sounded like a coffin lid closing.

On the LEXX, Brud (acting as Stanley) serenades Xev with:

To the tune of ‘Greensleaves’

Oh Xev, Oh Xev, What is it Xev,
Who are you Xev, Oh Xev, Xev, Xev
Why do I (I, I) feel this way, Oh Xev what can (aan) I say (ay ay)
Happy Hour oh Happy Hour, you make me happy at Happy Hour,
Happy Hour oh Happy Hour. Xev oh Xev oh Xev!

Xev oh Xev come cradle my Rock.

After some initial laughing, the inebriated Xev tells Brud (Stanley) to tell her what was so important that she had to return to the LEXX.

Ok.” Says Brud. “I need a hug.

In room number six, Stanley Tweedle is being beaten up good and proper. His captors are each recalling the lies Brud has told them – and ending each recollection with a vicious punch. But they ARE uglyYou said you needed my pin number, coz it was right romantic to share pin numbers” Said one of the loose women just before punching Stan. It sounded to me like each of them got exactly what they deserved!

On the LEXX, Brud eventually tells Xev exactly what he wants to do with her. Yep! It involves cradling. This time his cradle needs to be rocked. Xev is surprised for some strange reason and impolitely tells him “No.” But Brud is not going to take no for an answer. He grabs hold of her angrily and Xev punches him. He’s knocked back to the edge of the platform and balances precariously on the edge. But before Xev can come and rescue him, the robot head trundles over and knocks him off.

Xev is greatly upset (as you can imagine) but she notices that the key did not fly out of the doomed Stanley as he fell over the edge. It’s not that she realises that the doomed dude was not Stanley, it was more that she found it puzzling. “Poor Stanley” she sobs.

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She then heads back to Newfoundland and meets up with Kai as he finishes yet another version of the Brunnen G Chant. He is reluctant to stop but he asks where Stanley Tweedle and Xev are. The barman tells him that Parsnip is having the ‘crap beaten out of him’ downstairs. Kai leaves as the musicians continue the Brunnen G Chant as a sort of Irish jig (and strangely enough, it sounded great!).

Kai arrives to save Stanley before even more crap is beaten out of him. The dead dude explains to one of the fishy brothers that this is not Brud, but Stanley Tweedle and the captors seem to accept this without question, “Sorry skipper,” Says one of them with a stupid looking grin, “Are you all right?

At this point Xev arrives back at the bar. She finds Kai and Stan and gives a huge tearful grin. She’s overwhelmed at finding Stanley alive.

It was a horrible rock!At the Whitehouse a tearful Bunny explains her ordeal to her husband, The President of the United States. “And then, {sob}, I {sob} cradled his rock {sob, sob}.
There there.” Said the President
I did it {sob} coz I loved you {sob}” Continued Bunny.
I know.
{sob} It was horrible… {sob}.

Then the President, angry about the whole messy affair, resolves to do something about it. He walks over to the bookcase and gets a football. He brings it over to the coffee table. “People who don’t treat the Presidents Bunny with respect deserve what they’re going to get.” He says. (Ah, nothing changes)

But the football is no ordinary football. This is a secret device with a big red button inside it. The president presses a few other buttons (co-ordinates for Newfoundland) and the presses the big red button.

You’re the bestest President ever.” Says Bunny appreciatively as a nuclear warhead makes it’s way to a picturesque peninsular on the east coast of Canada.
Bye Bye Newfoundland.” Says the President.

At this point, Prince arrives and informs the President that Air force one (the Presidents plane) is fuelled and ready to go to the Antarctic Summit. The President had forgotten, but he leaves immediately with Ismbard Prince.

As the nuclear weapon heads for Newfoundland, the Moth takes off with Kai, Xev and a rather battered Stanley Tweedle. “I don’t get it,” Says Xev. “Brad Parsnip seemed exactly like you.

Stanley re-iterated that he may have looked like Stanley Tweedle, but he sure didn’t act like him. Kai explained that in each planet, there seems to be a limited number of models of humans. Wow!  It looks good when it's blown up!You happened to find yours on this planet Stanley.” He adds.

Well good riddance.” Says Stanley as the bomb destroys his kingdom.
Good thing we’re on our way to Transylvania.” Says Xev unwittingly.

And there the show ended. This seemed a bigger production than normal as Newkate put it, ‘sometimes a show gets to a level where it can ‘feed off itself’’ and this one did. It seemed to celebrate the Yo Ah Oh tune and lets face it, few of us have heard of anyone that doesn’t like it. The examination of it … repeatedly was quite addictive and made it one of the most enjoyable aspects of the episode.

NOTE: The excellent DGK sent in these comments:
The show appears to be taped in St. John’s, Newfoundland, judging by the background. The tank that Brud jumped into was a tank full of ‘Fish Batter’, used to dip cod fish into and then deep fry.

As a result I’d rate this a hit – 41,756 out of 10.  What did you think?

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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.

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