Production 8
Direction 7
Characterisation 9
Storyline 9
Acting 8
Fun/Sexy/Cool 8

There were lots of bits in this episode I liked, Lex Gigeroff as Dr. Rainbow was cool but also the superb ‘petty Bureaucrats’ line in the Adjudication Room

Summary 8.2 great
Production 0
Direction 0
Characterisation 0
Storyline 0
Acting 0
Fun/Sexy/Cool 0
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Summary 0.0 terrible

LEXX: S03E07: Tunnels

The net seems to think that this was not one of the season’s best shows, but I thought it was great!

Continuing from last week’s episode, Xev and Stanley are still in K-Town with the newly re-constituted Prince. Kai in a balloon He tells them that the town to which Kai is being taken is not his, but Xev and Stan don’t believe him (and Prince agrees that they shouldn’t).

Meanwhile, the still ‘damaged’ Kai has been unceremoniously loaded onto a gondola (not controlled by Prince’s men). He is almost completely helpless since his fall from K-Town didn’t, after all, re-align his erm.. reverse polarity thingamajig problem. Kai is asked a number of questions by a polite and unsuspecting member of its crew. They find that Kai cannot suffer pain (even when he is subjected to some awful ankle and arm-twisting) and when asked who it was that threw him off the city, Kai replied, “My friends.

Kai has been ‘procured’ by some people from Hog Town and is being taken there so that they can process his ‘claim’ (?!) Prince tells the watching Xev and Stan that Hog Town is not particularly dangerous, but their ‘process’ is. Looking for Kai

Xev insists that they go and rescue Kai. Prince suggests that he help them get Kai – and that they help him destroy the planet Water using the LEXX. Stanley points out that Prince has already told them that he is untrustworthy, but Prince replies “I always stick to my deals.This verbal exchange is a long one, Xev and Stan need his help but they neither trust him and they certainly don’t want to destroy the planet Water.

In the end, Stan and Xev tell Prince that there is no deal and that they do not believe that he knows a safe way to Hog Town. Prince leaves in a mild huff but Xev suggests to Stanley that since they didn’t help Prince, he will want to solicit the assistance of the Dead Dude, Kai. She suggests that they follow Prince. Xev is sure that he will make his own way to Hog Town.

In Hog Town, Kai is taken to an Adjudication Room where he is strapped into a chair facing a peculiar group of adjudicationists. There are about six of them sat at a large desk shuffling paper and looking very officious. They all have either one or two large red spots on their heads (presumably to determine rank). The head dude (who only has one spot) begins his opening remarks, “It is our responsibility to attempt to record for posterity the many instances of extreme human pain and degradation that are performed daily on this planet called fire.” Kai is obviously not interested in hearing this, he begins to sing the Brunnen G Battle Chant. The Head geezer with one red spot continues, “We ourselves do not participate in such practices, but we believe that the recordation of such incidents will, in time, open a door to a progressive and orderly future to relieve such suffering. Do you understand?

Kai stops singing to answer, “No.

The head dude tells Kai that he doesn’t expect (nor care it seems) that he understands, but he insists on asking Kai a few questions so that they, “may better understand the physiognomy (?!) of human evil.” He goes on to say that all are treated equally. They question Kai and learn that he is not from the planet Fire and also that he is dead. More than a little perplexed by this news, they are mad even more nervous when Kai (assuming that there is an eventual punishment resulting from this process) requests that he simply be punished. They tell him no, punishment is reserved until the final adjudication.

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Xev and Stanley have lost Prince and decide to make their own way to Hog Town. They travel down to the bottom of the K-Town (down 39,000 steps – Xev counted while Stanley moaned). Stan lets Xev choose the direction in which to go (so that when it all goes wrong, he can blame her).

They continue down a long, long tunnel. The tiring Stanley is moving too slowly for Xev and she goes ahead alone. Stan follows at a more sedate pace.

Eventually, Xev meets walks into a trap and is captured in a net. Stanley meanwhile meets up with a crazy geezer (played by Lex Gigeroff, one of the writers). He is huddled on the floor saying, “I know I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t…” It’s not so much comical as scary (with good reason). Suddenly he jumps up at Stanley and tells him, “Don’t go down there, they will hurt you, they always do.{94KB wav file} He ads.

At Kai’s trial in Bog Town, the Adjudication Commission become more and more inquisitive about Kai’s past, The procurement officer tells them that Kai was an assassin. It seems that the more Kai has been bad, the happier they are. Then the Adjudicatrix (the lady on the panel) asks if Kai has suffered any torture, degradation or any other evil on Fire Planet. Kai replies “Yes, from this commission.

The group is outraged and the head dude exclaims, “Accusations against the Commission are not recordable.” Then, as if gesturing to emphasise the point, they raise their hands and cross them over their chests.

Kai's TrialFinally, the Adjudicatrix dame glares at Kai and asks, “Claimant, have you in fact, at any time assassinated anybody.(OH NO! I can feel a, ‘I have killed mothers and their babies’ speech coming on…)

Looking like a bound and gagged black chicken, Kai launches into his party-piece, “I have killed mothers and their babies, I have killed great philosophers and proud young warriors.” The panel look on with a mixture of glee and apprehension, the head geezer and the Adjudicatrix dame clasp hands as if they are experiencing a momentous confession…. “I have killed the evil and the good, the intelligent, the weak and the beautiful…and then he ads with a wonderfully sharp voice,but it’s been a while since I have killed a room full of petty bureaucrats.{185KB wav file} As if to drive the point home he concludes by singing the Brunnen G Battle Chant (badly).

The Procurement Officer feels obliged to point out to the disruptive Kai that he should answer the Adjudicatrix’s questions or suffer Standard Punishment Number 1 which he admits with a slightly embarrassed tone is, to be thrown off the edge of the city to his death. Kai immediately requests Standard Punishment Number one.

Erm... you can go!Again they refuse. Kai persuades the Procurement Officer to come over and play with his handy wrist gadget. After carefully aiming his arm in the direction of the head geezer (with a single red spot), he gets the Procurement Officer to manually fire the brace at the neck of the head geezer. Kai then says, “I request that you throw me off the edge of this city.

Unsurprisingly, the Commission agrees and there is much shuffling of paper and signing of signatures. The Adjudicatrix looks on as if she has been double-crossed. It seems that the Commission would have loved to adjudicate as full a claim as Kai’s.

In the tunnels between K-Town and Hog Town, Stanley is struggling to get away from the crazy geezer. He manages to persuade him that things will be ok provided he can get Xev. The crazy bloke lets go and Stanley is about to move along when he sees his outstretched arm. Stanley shakes his hand in a gesture of goodwill only to find that the crazy geezer jumps on him and wrestles him to the ground. Then, just when things can’t get any worse, the crazy bloke tells Stanley the most terrible, no the absolutely most diabolically awful thing that a crazy dude sat on top of you, can say… “Trust me, I’m a doctor!

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Unfortunately for Stanley, Xev cannot rescue him, she has been captured by three dark and evil looking chained ballerina’s (?!?) I kid you not! These elegant, evil pirouette artists dressed in fetching dirty grey ballerina outfits, drag the bound Xev towards a large steel mantrap (as if the outfits weren’t enough!). It takes two of the girls to straddle the trap and prize it apart before placing Xev’s head between its jaws.

Just as we are about to see a snappy conclusion to Xev’s lonesome tunnel expedition, we are taken to see Stanley in the Crazy dude’s hovel where he is about to be operated on. Stanley is bound and tied upright to a pole in the middle of the room. The crazy dude walks over to his tools and introduces himself formally, “My name is Rainbow, but you can call me Doctor Rainbow.

The operating theatreIt turns out that the Doctors hovel is isolated (in that no one can here the screams) and it is also the place where he does his best work, Surgery. He tells Stanley that he is about to make him better, that there are parts of him that he does not need and that he will cut them away. (Stanley of course knew that the Rainbow was not a Doctor, not least because he didn’t ask for a fee).

Xev is also having a rough time. Her head is suspended over the steel jaws of the mantrap and the head ballerina is teasing her with a big pole (no, by pretending to bop her in the head with it). Then she changes her mind and gets the two wicked ballerina girls to take Xev to a room full of open-jawed steel mantraps.

I guess I could build up a little suspense here, but I don’t want to introduce any more stress than is necessary. After all, Xev is about to be bitten to death by loads of giant, steel-jawed man-traps, Stanley is about to be cut open by a crazy geezer called Dr. Rainbow, and Kai is about to be thrown off the top of a three mile high building. So, for those of you who are seriously worried, I can tell you that our hero’s will be saved in three paragraphs time.

Dr. Rainbow grabs one of the sharpest looking instruments and with a distant look in his eyes he tells Stanley that at first, his patients scream, but eventually they stop. Stanley gives the crazy doctor a ‘no shit Sherlock’ look, then he shouts Xev’s name as loudly as he can.

Xev is pushed nearer and nearer the edge of the ledge – the gaping jaws of the steel traps await the taste of her slightly perspiring, smooth and succulent, soft flesh… erm..

The mad Doctor Rainbow gleefully attempts to make an incision with his sharp instrument as Stanley begins the screaming ritual. He tests the sharpness of the blade on a piece of wood (disturbingly close to Stanley’s groin) chanting, they scream when I cut them, They scream when I cut them…

Dr Rainbow gets PrincedThen just as we wonder where the hell Prince has gone, he appears, grabs the Doctors arm before he can do any damage and takes the blade. He tells Stanley that this rescue is a goodwill gesture (reasoning that if he does a good turn for Stanley, eventually Stanley may one day, do a good turn for him). Stan re-iterates his position regarding the blowing up of the Water Planet then asks about Xev. Prince releases Stanley from his bonds and tells him quietly that he is sure she is also in need of his assistance.

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Sure enough, Xev IS in need of his help and thankfully she is rescued when the Dark Prince throws the wicked ballerinas into the room full of steel-jawed mantraps. “Saved by your Prince” he tells her.

They collectively head for Hog-Town and Prince explains the background of the tunnels that they are walking through. He tells them that the people who live Kai is thrown overthere are outcasts, they do not have a city of their own because they are truly evil.

They eventually reach the end of a tunnel and a small hole in the roof. Stanley is reluctant to go in, so Prince and Xev go in alone. Kai is thrown off the top of the city and this seems to have the desired affect. His systems are re-aligned after a whopping thud as he hits the ground. Kai immediately climbs back up to the top so that he can ‘procure’ the balloon. The Procurement officer tells him that this is not permitted, and rather intelligently, he does not resist.

Just as Stanley is about to join Prince and Xev, he is grabbed again by the crazy Doctor rainbow. A chase ensues and miraculously, out of all the places Stan could run to, he chooses the operating theatre of the mad doctor. Stanley struggles wimpishley when suddenly a very elegant looking geezer comes from behind and stabs a very surprised Doctor rainbow. He recoils horrified and gasps as he sees his own blood before falling to the ground.

The transvestite paingiverAn appreciative Stanley breathes a sigh of relief before his look changes to terror. The elegant looking geezer says, “It wouldn’t have hurt that much, he doesn’t know where the nerves are. But I do!

He pulls his arm back as if ready to stab Stanley (whose eyes are closed in terror) when the Dark Prince rescues him again. A fight ensues where Prince kills the elegant dude before he himself is killed by the dying Doctor Rainbow. Stan goes over to comfort Prince who tells him with his dying breath, “I wanted you to love me Stanley(?!?)

Yeah right,” replies the Security Guard (class 4), “Are you dying?

Yes,” Prince replies with a muffled laugh, “But I’m used to it.” Then Stanley looks on as Prince’s body disappears.

Xev smiles at Stan

Suddenly he feels Xev’s arm on his shoulder. She has returned and asks what happened. Stanley tells her that Prince saved him and now has disappeared. She smiles and with a certain air of authority, tells Stanley, “Yes, he does that sometimes.” They go off to look for Kai together.

Xev seems to know the way and is dismissive of Stanley’s apprehensions. They reach the bottom of the City and walk out onto the desert to see Kai descending in his balloon. Stanley shouts Kai’s name with glee, “We’re saved, Kai…. Kai.” Xev looks towards Stanley and smiles.

And there the show ends. There were lots of bits in this episode I liked, Lex Gigeroff as Dr. Rainbow was cool but also the superb ‘petty Bureaucrats’ line in the Adjudication Room.

I’d have to rate this an official 36,004 out of 10 . What did you think?

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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.

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