I loved this show! It was totally wacky … A singing sci fi episode could only happen on LEXX.

It was strangely gripping, well acted and the songs were surprisingly good. We learned a great deal about Kai and the Brunnen G and we also found that Stanley isn’t a complete wimp after all.

The LEXX flies straight into a mysterious cloud.   It causes the ship to shudder.  Then the mist clears. Stanley and Xev behold a small satellite (not unlike a theatre building) on the view screen in front of them.

LEXX want’s to eat it as a tasty snack when Xev and Stanley hear the ‘Yo-A-Oh’ battle song of the Brunnen G   Stanley, Kai and Xev decide to investigate.

Stanley is not too keen on spending much time there.   He wants to put as much distance between Mantrid and the LEXX  as he can.  The last thing he needs is a diversion to the theatre.

As the crew enter the little Space Theatre, they notice  the stage is empty. Stanley inadvertently knocks a tambourine onto the floor and suddenly everything comes to life.  Lights go on, music plays and actors sing…

(I tried to reproduce the lyrics as best I could, but they were difficult to hear.  So I was delighted to find the transcript of done by Starbuck whose wonderful work helped me considerably with my own modest effort! – Thanks Starbuck!

Closed behind our mighty shield,
beyond which none can fly
This world is safe from pain and strife,
we need not fear the sky
We have not fought for countless years,
we have no need to pry
War and death are forgotten fears,
for here we never die.
We close our eyes, and shut our ears,
we must never never try,
To break the bonds of this lonely sphere,
for we will surely die!

Kai mentions that they are singing of his home planet, Brunnus 2.  Then the Master of Ceremonies enters stage left……

NO WAY!!   I’ve been fortunate to have met the Jeremy Webb who plays the Master of Ceremonies in the #LEXX chatroom.  I couldn’t wait to see his performance in this episode.  Then, what do I see as he enters the stage?!  A big mannequin dressed unflatteringly in a red dress, with a grey wig and red lipstick!   This couldn’t be Master… NO WAY!

I looked at the screen with a mixture of disbelief and the mischievous intention of giving him hell the next time we met in the chatroom. But a creditable performance was characterised by his opening line…..

“That’s right,” he said, ” as our universe comes to it’s end, we are telling the most important story that ever happened. In it’s vast history, an epic tale of love, war, and courage, set against a backdrop of a destruction of a people. {213K wav file}  A tragic chronicle of heroic destiny, that will stir your blood, and, bring a tear to your eye. It is the story of Kai, last of the Brunnen-G. Welcome my friends. Welcome to our little show. He goes on to explain that the mighty Brunnen-G were a race of romantic warriors, who lead the victorious humans in the great insect wars.

This we already knew, but what we also learned was that many years later, after they had left Brunnus 1 in the Dark Zone for Brunnus 2 in the Light Zone, they built a defensive shield around their planet.  They hid from humankind who had begun squabbling and warring amongst themselves.

Encapsulated in their own protective sphere, the Brunnen G were able to concentrate on medical science and instead of fighting insects, they fought the ageing process. They eventually succeeded and managed to defeat ‘death!’  But it seems that humans are not designed to live forever (I wouldn’t mind the chance?)  and the Brunnen G became conceited and fearful of any activity that would threaten their ageless existence.

Then the stage came a live again with the ‘Dull, Dull, Dull, Song’. Two young geezers decide to have a go at an older couple:

Dull, dull, dull, your lives are oh so dull,
you stay inside your sealed house,
and cower like a frighten mouse,
dull, dull, dull, your lives are oh so dull
You sit inside your bunkers with filters all around,
what kind of a life is that when you spend it underground.
You never venture outdoors, you always stay inside,
what kind of a life is that, when all you do is hide.
Dull, dull, dull, your lives are oh so dull

Then one of the young actors mimics,

‘Oh my aching back, someone help me please.’

Young, young, young, how stupid are the young
A brick could fall upon your head, we’d rather stay indoors instead
Young, young, young, so foolish are the young
(A good point, nicely put!)

Dead, dead, dead, you spend your lives in bed
You stay inside and shake with fear,
should a nasty germ come near
dead dead dead we’ll take that chance instead
You never watch a sunset, or see the light of day
what kind of a life is that when you keep it locked away.
You’ve become pathetic shadows of what once you were…
hah! What kind if a life is that ten thousand years with her
Dead dead dead, we’d rather live instead.
   (I think the young are winning the argument so far!)

Young, young, young, how foolish are the young
A brick could fall and crack your skull,
we’re better off by being dull,
young, young, young, we do not trust a young
(naa, the old are definitely loosing!)

Dull dull dull, you are extremely dull,
Why should we accept your lot,
to stay inside and slowly rot,
dull, dull, dull, we’d rather crack our skulls
(you tell em guys!)

Dum, dum, dum. De dum de dum de dum… erm…    Xev giggles at the play, Stanley frowns. Kai looks on without emotion.

Master re-enters right stage and tells the audience that Kai was one of only a few young Brunnen G who felt imprisoned, trapped in the sterile life imposed by their shield and immortality.

Xev asks if that was true and Kai confirms that it was. Master asks Kai to come onto the stage and play the role of Kai himself. (You godda laugh! Kai an actor!  – Maybe he could sing the ‘Dead song!’   “I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, dead, deady-dead-dead!”)

The Master, at Kai’s request, explains that he and his group of players exist outside the cycles of time and space to put on their ‘little show’. He asks Kai to join them again.

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Kai is reluctant to play his own part (I know the feeling pal!)   “I know the story, but not the words to your song.” He says.

But the Master of Ceremonies explains that the words of the song will be found. It is Kai’s story after all.   Stanley advises against it. He is more concerned with finding the centre of the universe.

Xev on the other hand is keen to hear Kai sing! (silly woman!) Kai takes the stage and launches into the ‘I Want More’ song…

Kai: As I am, a younger man, and I dream of distant lands
I wonder, where I could learn more, to go beyond these ancient walls
Go beyond these ghostly halls, go beyond, and beyond to explore
  (As a singer, Kai makes a good dustbin-man, but the tune is good and the lyrics are well written… He is joined by a chorus of Brunnen G…)

Brunnen G: Kai you are so young and dream,
you do not see what we have seen
The dangers are too many to ignore,
so stay behind these ancient walls stay within these ghostly halls,
stay behind, stay behind close the door.

Kai: I do not mean you disrespect this life is not what I expect
All I know is I must explore,
to go beyond this life of waste Go beyond this bitter taste,
go beyond, and beyond, go beyond,
I want more  {44K wav file}
    (ooooowwww! You can have it dude! Just stop singing!)

Xev is completely enthralled by the show, she calls out to Kai, asking if his words are true. Kai confirms from the stage, that they are.   Xev asks, “Kai! Did all this really happen”? Stanley is becoming more impatient.  He wants to leave immediately, even if it means leaving Xev and Kai behind.

The Master of Ceremonies continues with his narration, With a silky smooth voice, entices, “The Brunnen-G shrank, from all that life had to offer them. They became small, they became dull, they became pathetic. Their bodies did not age, but the life contained in them was decadent and worthless. Their victory over death…was a hollow one.”

Then the show continues with the… erm… ‘Incest Song’ ?

It’s a funny thing how time flies, six thousand years go by so fast
Whatever happened to what’s his name, refresh me on the past
Hello to you my father or maybe your my son
Perhaps she is my mother or maybe your the one
There’s too much to remember,
our heads are far too full
I don’t know who I was before and likely never will…ooh
(Do you recognise Patricia Zentilli who
played Lalean in ‘Wake the Dead?
Teacher, Lawyer, Fireman, was that me or was that you
Baker, Butcher, Garbage man, we haven’t got a clue

Kai: I’ll go beyond these ancient walls,
I’ll go beyond these lifeless halls go beyond, I want more.
(For god’s sake! Will someone give it to him!)

I have to admit that at this point I was wondering what the hell all this stuff about the Brunnen G was for!   What relevance would it have on the LEXX escaping Mantrid by doing a runner to the centre of the universe?

lex2-18g1.jpg (4942 bytes)But the Master of Ceremonies encourages Xev to play the part of Kai’s girlfriend.  He also explained that the protective shield was weak in places and they were able to see that His Divine Shadow and his forces spreading destruction throughout the galaxy and beyond.

He wanted to learn the fate of his planet and could only do this by escaping the confines of the shield.  His only problem was his girlfriend,

I get the impression that she wasn’t too happy about the idea!

Kai and Xev the launch into a duet:

Kai: I have come here to tell you, that I have to go away
Destiny is calling me, so I cannot stay
I may not return, but I have know what the future holds, so I must go
I’ve come here to tell you, that I must leave today

Xev: If you must leave me then I guess that you don’t care
And should you return, you know I won’t be there
Close your eyes, stay here with me,
you can save our world from it’s destiny
So leave me Kai, just say goodbye, for I no longer care {65k wav file}

Kai: If only she could understand, things aren’t what they were
I wish that she’d care for me, like I care for her
If I could make her see that our world is gone,
there may never be another dawn
If only she could understand, that I care for her

Xev: If only he could understand, how my heart is true
If only he would care for me, but there is no more I can do
I wish that he would choose to stay, to be with me, not go away
If only he would understand but there’s nothing I can do

Kai & Xev: So I say farewell to you

But Xev objects to the song saying that she would have gone with Kai. The Master of Ceremonies rightly points out that she is saying that as Xev.  Stanley on the other hand, insists that they leave for the centre of the universe immediately.  Xev and Kai decide to stay and as Stanley leaves, Kai approaches the moth and requests that Stanley wait for Xev. Stanley dispassionately refuses (the wimp!)

The Master of Ceremonies continues with the play, “In search of answers, Kai went beyond the Brunnen-G shields, to a tiny planet of the Time Prophet.”   The stage is then set for a song from the sexiest Time Prophet we’ve seen yet! Normally they are a bit old and wrinkly, but this one was pretty nice,   I’d consult her anyday!   She starts singing, ‘Time begins, then it ends, then it starts again, it’s happening now, it’s happened before, it will surely happen again’ song (or possibly the ‘time goes round and round’ song).

Time begins and then time ends,
and then time begins once again
It is happening now,
it has happened before,
it will surely happen again
Prophet, I have come to you,
here on this uncertain moon,
Do we Brunnen-G, have any hope,
or are my people doomed
I looked into the cycles of time,
not very clearly mind you
I gaze into, future past,
and I see the Brunnen-G doomed
For Kai you’ll be the last to die,
and there is something else I see
A Shadows Order will be destroyed,
at the hands of the last Brunnen-G

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Kai: Are you certain Time Prophet?

Time begins, and then time ends, and then time begins once again
It is happening now, it has happened before, it will surely happen again

Master narrates … “Kai told his people that he had visited the Time Prophet, and learned that his planet is doomed to be destroyed by the Divine Order.” Before Kai sings a passionate plea to his compatriots:


Gather round and hear my song,
we’ve been deaf, we have been blind too long

Beyond our shields there lies a threat,
it will spell our certain death
His Shadow is coming,
His Shadow looms,
His Shadow is bringing our final doom
We cannot fight,

You must listen to me,
this is the end of the Brunnen-G
Why don’t you listen,
why won’t you hear,
our final hour is almost here
Do you want to do nothing and close your eyes,
you’re blind and you’re mad if you’re waiting to die

His Shadow is coming
I tell you it’s true,
His Shadow will kill us,
what shall we do
Now is the time to prepare for war,
or are you unable to fight anymore

lex2-18a.jpg (4601 bytes)Stanley mutters to himself as he prepares the moth for departure, “Yeah…they didn’t listen of course.” Despite his eagerness to leave, he can’t help being interested in the story. Something is happening to Stanley, the play is beginning to have an affect on him…

As if the whole productions is being staged for Stan, Master answers Stanley’s comment, “Exactly, the Brunnen-G did not listen!” Stanley looks round surprised, “The Brunnen-G were angry, angrier than anyone could remember. Kai was accused of betraying them, by breaching the shields, of opening the door, to enemies who could destroy them.

The assembled Brunnen G then begin the ‘Accusing song’.

What has this Newborn brought on our heads,
what kind of horrors, what kind of awful threat
He’s broken the shield, he’s broken the wall,
this Newborn will being certain death to us all
You are the one who invited this war,
you are the one who has opened the door
What do we do with him, what would be just,
if he is guilty, then kill him we must

lex2-18a.jpg (4601 bytes)

Stan pulls himself away from the show and takes off for the LEXX.

But the Master of Ceremonies seems to tug at Stanley’s heart strings, as the moth travels through space, “Kai was put on trial, and found guilty of betraying his people. Kai was condemned to death by ageing, punishment the Brunnen-G considered truly terrible…

It has to be said that after a rather comical first appearance, the Master of Ceremonies role in the show was now far more significant.  The silly garb and rather hammy dialogue delivery seemed to relax the audience and put them at ease.  But now it could be argued that the Master was imparting information that would, in some way, assist the audience (Kai, Xev and Stanley) to make an important decision.

Stanley, although zooming toward the LEXX, was still listening.  He was certainly more than a little interested as he listened to Kai’s impassioned plea…

Brunnen G Judge: You are accused of a treason most high,
you are found guilty, sentenced to die, I hereby decree that your
death shall be slow, this Newborn will die, because he will grow old
Have you anything to say?

Kai: You do not pass this sentence on me, your passing is on all Brunnen-G
(Kai is put in a cell as Xev looks on…)

You find me wasting here, you must think I’m insane,
All I want is for you too know, I would do this all again,
I simply had to do what I had to do,
but it never meant I didn’t love you
But why do you come see me here, is it to break my heart again

Xev: While you were away from me, I nearly went insane
I spends my nights wandering, if I would see you once again
If I set you free will you be with me, do you want me, do you love me
I can’t stand to see you wasting here, I want to be with you again

Kai & Xev: Two hearts are as one heart, and this one heart has two
As long as this heart beats, I will love only you
Time slips away, it fades away, so we must live today
My heart beats for you my love, and your heart beats for me
and your heart beats for me

The Master of Ceremonies explains that eventually the rest of the Brunnen G realise that he is right and that their planet is doomed, “….But how my friends, do you think they reacted.

Young Brunnen G: We have been living in a dream,
we have been living in a dream
It’s time to wake up and truly see,
our lives have been so empty until now
Kai: My death will come and free us, death will release us
It all makes senseless sense to us somehow,
for too long we’ve cheated death
This sweet relief of our final breath,
sweet relief, sweet relief, we want it now

The Brunnen G were more preoccupied with their imminent death that the idea of fighting His Divine Shadow.

Brunnen G: We welcome death with open hearts,
we welcome death with open hearts
We see a life now that the dying is us,
it all makes senseless sense to us somehow
So let us rejoice at her death, this sweet relief of our final breath
Sweet relief, sweet relief, sweet relief, sweet relief,
Kill us now

As the song concludes, Xev asks Kai if that is how the Brunnen G actually reacted. She (and most of us I think), was under the impression that the Brunnen G were great warriors and not prone to taking the destruction of their planet lying down!.

Kai confirms that they did indeed welcome death and the Master of Ceremonies adds, “…but some, did not wish to see the end of the Brunnen-G. Some thought that the great people that saved mankind in the great insect wars should fight this new enemy, they were the Newborn, the only vital force left on the planet.

Kai: We are the Brunnen-G, and we were once were great,
And I must say to you it is not too late,
We may die, but we must fight, let us act this very night
Why should we lay down, and accept this fate

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Brunnen G: We are the Brunnen-G, we’re waiting to die
We celebrate the death that will fall from the sky
Kai: We may die, but we must fight, let us fight this very night
Brunnen G: We are the Brunnen-G, we’re waiting to die
We are the Brunnen-G, do we have no pride
Kai: We must stand and fight not commit suicide
Come with me and we will fight, turn them back this very night
Brunnen G: We are the Brunnen-G, do we have no pride
We are the Brunnen-G, we’re waiting to die
We celebrate the death and will fall from the sky
Kai: It is not to late to fight, come with me this very night
Brunnen G: We are the Brunnen-G, we’re waiting to die
Kai: Will you come with me and fight,
Brunnen G: We will come with you and fight
We are the Brunnen-G, we’re waiting to die
Kai: We are the Brunnen-G, we deserve to die

Xev looks on and asks the Master of Ceremonies, “I wish my character could change what happened.” But the Master looks at her sternly and tells her that the show never changes, “…But the Newborn’s were few, they had no weapons.

And here we all remember the story of how the Divine Shadow destroyed the Brunnen G.   Kai, leading a small group of warriors in their antiquated ‘pea shooters’ were utterly destroyed at the hands of The Divine Orders’ ForeShadow … and so was Brunnus 2!

The stage bursts into song against a back screening of the destruction of Brunnus 2.

Kai: If this should be, our final stand, we will stand together with pride
We will honour the past, and fight to the last, it will be a good way to die

Kai and the other Newborn’s: It matters not,
if the cause is lost, and we cannot stop the tide
We will fight to the end, and then fight again, it will be a good way to die
Our time is short, our chance is grim, but I will not give into fear
I can face death with an open heart, if I know that you are near

Xev: And if I must die, I’ll be with you Kai, full of pride, at your side
I live now for you my love, it’s a good way to die

All: This moment will live on through time, if anyone ever asks why
The Brunnen G did not fall on their knees,
you will know they found a good way to die

The the Newborn’s sing the Brunnen G Battle Chant.

The Master of Ceremonies explains that the Newborn’s did not expect to win their battle but, “…that they would die well!

At this point Stanley turns the moth around, and returns to the theatre. Clearly he had changed his mind.  But was his decision only to collect Kai and Xev?

Kai is killed by the His Divine Shadow as Stanley returns. The dead Kai is carried off stage in his assassins Uniform.  The Master of Ceremonies concludes, “Kai died well.

Stanley tells Kai and Xev calmly that they must now leave. Kai agrees and Xev nods her approval. The Master of Ceremonies explains that Stanley is in the next scene.

Xev asks the Master of Ceremonies what would happen if they stayed to play out the final scenes.   He replies (with a half smile) that the show exists outside the normal laws of time and space.  When the universe ends, they will still be there. He looks directly at Stanley.  He smiles, but the rest of his face is serious, “If you join us, you will sing with us, for all eternity!

lex2-18a.jpg (4601 bytes)Stanley has therefore found a way to escape death, all he needs to do is remain with the show. But he looks at Master and tells him confidently, “We don’t accept.” (!?)

Xev looks round surprised, “Why?” she says.

“You know why.” Says Stanley, “Cos they don’t live, they’re not real. They are just like the Brunnen-G, not alive, not dead. Thanks but we don’t accept.

Xev is still surprised by Stanley’s reaction, “But you know that means we will probably die. The universe is ending, and going to the centre is just the best idea that we have.

But Stanley continues, “No. I’ve got another idea. We’re not going to the centre anymore… 2000 years ago, Kai was right, it’s better to die fighting, than to die running. Come on face it, at the centre, there’s nothing but a cowards death!

The Master of Ceremonies looks on and nods.  There is a faint smile of recognition.  I wonder if this was the objective of the show all along.  Was this all staged for Stanley’s benefit?

Xev asks him, “So where are we going to go?lex2-18a.jpg (4601 bytes)

To fight Mantrid.” Answers Stanley, “Look…why should we just replay what’s already happened, lets rewrite the end!

Xev agrees, as does Kai, “I found a good way to die once. I am happy for you to join me.

The Brunnen G Show concludes:

If this should be our final stand, we will stand together with pride
We will honour the past, and fight to the last,
It will be a good way to die.

Xev, Kai and Stanley leave and as they watch the theatre disappear, Xev says, “The Brunnen-G discovered eternal life, but they all died. You were the only one to survive.

Kai points out with a voice that sounds like a coffin lid closing, “I did not survive.

The show ends with Stanley ordering the LEXX to leave, “Lets go get Mantrid!

I hate musicals! They are far too nice!
But this episode was simply terrific!  I rate it a hot 44,975 out of 10.

What did you think?

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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.

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