Production 9
Direction 9
Characterisation 9
Storyline 9
Acting 10
Fun/Sexy/Cool 10

The war is a bit silly, you can’t help feel that there is plenty for everyone if only the two side could get together for a chat

Summary 9.3 awesome
Production 0
Direction 0
Characterisation 0
Storyline 0
Acting 0
Fun/Sexy/Cool 0
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Summary 0.0 terrible

LEXX: S03E03: Gametown

The war between Fire and Water is hardly intense, in fact it seems nothing more than a collection of skirmishes. The people of Water seem to live a charmed life with plenty of food and a warm climate, and the people of Fire eek out an existence on a world where slaves are worked to death pumping cool air in order to keep the cities habitable. You can’t help feel that there is plenty for everyone if only they could get together and talk about it.

Unfortunately, that rather naive opinion negates the fact that this war has been raging over a hundred years and it increasingly looks like the stalemate will end only after the LEXX has decided which planet to blow up.

May is scannedIn this episode, against the backdrop of the war between Fire and Water Xev, Stanley and even Kai are subjected to a range of temptations and frustrations that would have taxed the best of us. And yet, as we have come to expect, it’s gripping, sexy, funny and as crazy as ever.

The show opens with May being scanned by 790. Nobody can understand how she has managed to come back to life, and Stanley is keen that the rest of the Xev is unconvincedLEXX crew knows nothing of his little deal with the dark and dastardly Prince of Fire. May is also unable to explain the phenomenon. Xev, is not convinced of Stanley’s ignorance.

The LEXX breeders have been busy preparing about six or seven moths. They will be used to bring food from the Water planet to LEXX. Stan leaves the others to talk to May alone. He discusses the morals of making a deal with a figment of his imagination. He is trying to reason with May, that the encounter with Prince was just a dream. Unfortunately, as soon as he mentions this, the lovely blonde suffers a sharp pain in her shoulder. Stanley assumes that this is Prince reminding him of their agreement.

Kai leaves for the planet surface with a collection of moths. They arrive at a city where the occupants seem to be playing a game like Basketball but with a big net instead of a basket. Most of the players are young fit and agile and erm.. pretty attractive, all except a certain sad looking chubby dude called Fifi (wadda name for a geezer!).

The Water bums take aim

Suddenly they all spot the approaching moths and arm themselves with large bows and arrows. They are about to fire when someone notices that Kai is waving to them. Kai lands and introduces himself and his quest, to the basketballers.

The greetings are friendly. Kai accepts their warm welcome and the chubby geezer introduces himself as Fifi. Rather than fall about laughing, as we would have done, Kai remarks that Fifi looks like a person he knew 4000 years ago. Most of us would have been insulted, but Fifi simply remarks, “Must have been a good looking guy.

Kai learns that they not only have food, but they have food to spare and are pretty willing to give large quantities of it to Kai in return for … erm… nothing! (These Water people are very friendly don’t you think? I mean, May is lovely, and all these other basketballers seem like members of the handsome and beautiful club – I don’t trust them, any culture which allows one of it’s dudes to be called Fifi must be bad! ).

On the LEXX, Stanley tells May that she is ‘the one’ for him. He doesn’t actually tell her that he loves her, but we all get that impression. I wonder if you got the same sinking feeling that I did! If Stanley falls in love with someone (excepting Xev), they usually end up dead!

Schemme as FifiFifi is being very inquisitive about the Moth breeders collecting food and loading the moths. one of the handsome ball players invites Kai for a game of basketball with goals. Fifi accepts on Kai’s behalf, “Of course he is, it’s me, the rag man and the girls against all you losers right? He passes the ball to Kai who does a rather neat trickSchemmi - wadda dude! balancing it on the tip of his finger.

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By the way, the reason Kai thought that Fifi looked familiar, is that Fifi has a stunning resemblance to that pervert Schemmi (played by Jeff Pustil) in the episode Luvliner from season 2. The geezer with the flashing blue groin, neon lips and the fetish for robot heads has returned as a pretty boy ball player. Who else could the writers have chosen!?

Xev overhears StanleyOn the LEXX, Stanley tries to command the big bug to blast the Water planet (LEXX passes within firing range very few hours) but Xev spots him and challenges him. They fight as she tries to stop him. When Stanley actually manages to issue the command to the LEXX, it has passed the position where it was pointed directly at the planet. The fire blast misses the planet by what seems like inches. Kai watches unruffled, from the surface.

Xev asks Stanley to explain. He tells her about the deal with Prince but Xev thinks that Stanley was just dreaming. They go to see if May is all right, but it seems that her condition has deteriorated.

On the Water planet, Kai is just standing around as the others play frantically around him. Fifi complains to Kai that he is useless. Annoyed, he discusses the situation with the dead dude, “I kinda notice you just standing around here. Maybe you could just put a little life into the game?
I cannot put life into my game as I am dead.” Says Kai predictably.
You’re tellin’ me!”  Exclaims Fifi, “Well, do me a favour, help us out a little bit ok?

OKKai looks strangely hurt by this exchange and I half expected him to ask, “Who would you like me to kill?” But instead he asks, “What would you like me to do?

Fifi holds up his right thumb and tells the dead dude that he wants him to score some goals, “I play to win!” He adds.

Kai responds sweetly with his thumb up and say’s, “OK” loudly but rather unemotionally.

Then we see the dead dude really shine, he retrieves the ball using his handy wrist gadget and fires a blisteringly fast shot at the goal (with the ball not the wrist thingy). Kai then goes on to snatch the game from the jaws of defeat and is almost singlewristgadgetedly winning the game for his team. Personally as a member of the winning side, I would have been insulted! It is a damning indictment of your skill and fitness when a dead man wins your game for you!

Prince and Xev snog.On the LEXX, Prince wakes Xev. She asks if she is dreaming, but the dark dude asks her what is reality and what is a dream (Spoken like a true drunk). He asks if she still cares for him. Xev replies softly, “Yes.”

Then let Stanley do what Stanley must do.” He then kisses her passionately and goes off to see Stanley (this dark dastardly geezer has style!). He tells Stanley that he will destroy Water the next time that the LEXX is pointed at it or May will die. Xev catches up with Stanley as Prince disappears, but Stan is still unwilling to discuss the deal. Xev seems a little confused (To be honest, she’s looked a little confused since being revived from the cryo-pod). Maybe now Xev is beginning to appreciate the pressure that Stanley is under and the persuasive nature of her beloved dark Prince.

Well done dead dude!On the Water planet, Kai shoots and wins the game. His team-mates all congratulate him warmly. one in particular is Bunny (the lovely Patricia Zentilli who played Laleen in Wake the Dead, and one of the Brunnen G in Brigadoom) who jumps on Kai wrapping her arms round his neck. Kai looks very out of place indeed.

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They all go off to shower (except Fifi who mentions that he is not into showers). Kai follows (hehe – the dirty old sod!). In the shower, Kai is standing behind the lovely bunny as she showers; he’s also stood behind a rather large breasted naked lady and is, of course, completely clothed and seemingly not enjoying the situation at all!

I know the feeling dude, I was forced to replay this shower scene many times (while I accurately recorded the dialogue for this review) while my partner was sat next to me!

Bunny accidentally (on purpose) drops the soap on the floor in front of Kai. Kai naturally bends to pick it up (having a good look at Bunny’s naked body as he does so). He also agrees to wash Bunny’s back. Kai does this rather industriously, there was little tenderness in his caress and I guess Bunny was of two minds whether she liked this or not!

Xev communicates with Kai using the radio link and listens to the ahhh’s of Bunny as she is scrubbed by the dead dude. “I think you are clean now.” Says Kai.

Kai feels Bunny's warmth.Bunny turns and replies, “Oh no I’m not, I’m dirty,  VERY dirty.” Xev listens attentively, 790 is mortified! Bunny places Kai’s hand on her breast. Kai says rather sternly, “You do not seem to fully understand, my body is not fully alive.” But Bunny is not taking no for an answer, “Well mine is, feel it!” and with that she erm… encourages Kai to erm… feel. “Tell me how it feels.” She adds.

It feels…. Hot.” Replies Kai. But not hot enough it seems. Bunny guides Kai’s hand lower and lower, “Hot“, she says taking shorter and shorter breaths, “hotter…..” and just as you imagine Kai’s hand getting erm… to the erm… hotter part, “Hottest!

By the way, I was forced to put so many pictures of this scene in this review by the large number of lady LEXXians who have repeatedly requested pictures of Kai in the shower. As a SadGeezer, I am far too shivellru….. shivvller… chivelru… nice to refuse.

Kai continues to show great control as Bunny looks up at him sweetly, “I want you to put out my fire Kai.
What’s going on down there!” Asks Xev hurriedly.
I’m assisting someone taking a shower,” Replies Kai innocently.
Kai tries to explain himself.Who?” Asks Xev,
What’s your name?
Who is bunny?” erm… asks Xev.
A naked young woman.” Replies Kai.

790 immediately tries to encourage Kai to return to the LEXX to sort out some emergency, but Bunny is still playing with Kai’s hand.

erm... more of the shower.I mentioned to my partner that I had, after trip to Halifax, been lucky enough to meet the wonderful Patricia Zentilli in the pub the evening after that scene was shot. She’d told me that it had taken a full day to shoot. “Poor girl,” replied my piqued fiance, “a whole day in the shower, having your breast felt by McManus!

"So long suckers!"Xev reminds Kai not to get distracted. Unfortunately, as the dead dude leaves, he learns that Fifi has stolen the moths (and moth breeders). He tries to talk Fifi into returning, but “So long suckers” is the rather poignant reply.

Back on the LEXX, Stanley and Xev discuss the imminent fate of the Water planet. Stanley is still intent of destroying the planet in the hope of saving May. But Xev is unconvinced. She leaves to go and lie down for a while.

She is only pretending to rest of course. Prince joins her and she tells him that she can’t let Stanley destroy the Water planet. Xev is torn between her dark lover and the wrongness of the situation. She tearfully re-iterates her dilemma. Prince tries to talk her out of it with all the silky words he can muster. Meanwhile the LEXX is nearing the point at which it can fire on the planet.

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Prince laughs, “its too late Xev. You don’t have enough time to get to the bridge.” But Xev is no ordinary woman as we know, She simply curls up into a ball and rolls at top speed to the bridge.

Stanley gets a mouthfullThere she tries to stop Stanley from uttering the commands to destroy the Water planet. Xev delights us all by knocking Stanley to the ground and muffling his voice by forcing her breasts over his face.

Ok Xev, I agree. Just let me up so I can breathe!” But the innovative Xev won’t budge. The opportunity to destroy the Water planet is lost and the two go off to see if May has died.

When they get to the cryo-chamber they find that the sweet and lovely supposedly dead May is actually a vicious and ruthless living subordinate of Prince! She is singularly unimpressed with Stanley’s failure to destroy the Water planet and tells the lovesick Stanley that her wound was not a real wound at all, it was an illusion.

Then Prince appears and sniffs at Xev (why does he DO that!), “I do not like the choice you made Xev. But it was the right choice.” Then he turns to Stanley, Prince fondles MayI like your choice Stanley, the choice I would have made, the wrong choice. Xev is preventing you from getting your reward. It’s too bad, you would have enjoyed May for a wife.” May puts her arms round Prince’s neck and he places his hand on her shapely thigh. Stanley looks away sadly as they kiss.

But Prince adds with a smile. “But soon you will get another reward, the one that you deserve.

Stanley and Xev seems to ignore this comment and follow Prince and May to the Moth Chamber. They conclude that Prince and May have concocted an elaborate hoax in the hope that they could persuade Stanley to destroy the Water Planet. (This hoax was a complete surprise to all of us I guess – perhaps because May is the first female native of the Fire planet that we have seen – excepting the hoopy orange supervisor woman)

As They watch the two villains make their escape, May turns to Stanley and says, “you are the one Stanley Tweedle, you are the one.” {33Kb WAV file} She laughs as the moth flies off.

Prince fondles MayStanley and Xev try to communicate with Kai, but the dead dude tells them what has happened and that he is now stranded. The chubby geezer Fifi meanwhile, has taken the moths through the wind tunnel to the Fire planet. He has landed and is trying to explain to a weird looking geezer (he has a strange mark on his chin) called Duke that the moths are a wondrous resource.

Fifi has indeed switched sides and the show ends with the Duke (played by the heavyweight actor Ralph Brown) considering the offer of assistance from the chubby traitor from Water.

This was another cracker, not just because of the shower scene, but also because of the intricate web that this series is beginning to weave. I can’t wait for the next episode!

I’d have to rate this a marvellous 38,974 out of 10
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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.

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