LEXX: S02E07: Love Grows
This was one of the best-produced and directed LEXX episodes that I’ve seen so far. The camera angles, shots and acting were all superb. Maybe the story wasn’t as unique as others, but it was well worth watching nonetheless.
The show opens with a blue movie! (I just knew I was going to enjoy this episode!). Somewhere in the depths of space three lonely crew are transporting a cargo of category 13 hazardous waste to some other place.
I guess the task is pretty boring, because one of the geezers is plucking his nasal hair and another is watching the blue movie, ‘Women from Orgasma 4’, apparently it’s the best yet! (I bet its not as good as ‘Vampire Bikini Demons from Hell 6’)
The only other member of the ‘Stripper’ crew is a lady geezer called Lorka. Lorka would not be the sort of lady who would be invited to take part in this type of movie and, she would certainly not want to!
Meanwhile, on the LEXX, Stanley is still trying to persuade Xev to make love to him. Not surprisingly, she refuses. But she does understand Stanley’s plight.
It is very difficult for a sex-starved geezer to go ‘without’ for so long! But Xev has her own problems – she is a sex-slave virgin and feels those same urges, unfortunately for Stanley – she has no urge for him! Stanley leaves, dejected. Xev however, decides to attempt a coupling with the dead geezer! She goes to the Reanimation chamber and wakes Kai.
Xev tells Kai as he revives, “I want to do it.”
Kai looks at her dispassionately, “Do what?”
“It… ” She says, “I want to do IT with you.”
“I suspect that you mean sex.”
“Exactly.”
“My sex organ, ” replies Kai sensitively, “has not functioned for over two thousand years.” (He’s probably forgot what it’s used for!).
“My sex organ has never functioned, so we both have a lot of catching up to do.” Says Xev eagerly.
“Xev, you are clearly desirable and beautiful, but to me, sex is just an intellectual concept.”
“I don’t care if you’re dead, I don’t care if you can only appreciate this in your mind! But I have a hyperactive libido and I need it NOW!” she explains putting his arms around her. “I can’t do this alone…”
“I can’t do it at all!” Adds Kai. {Did you girls notice a faint tinge of disappointment on his face?}
“I hate you.” Says Xev tearfully. The pain of Kai’s rejection is too much for her and she leaves quickly shouting again, “I HATE you.” {At least she had the presence of mind not to say ‘Drop Dead!’}
The strippers head into unauthorised space and hit a worm-hole-big-swirly-blue-thingy (but it could have been a big twirly blue thingy – the thing is, it was blue right!). Unfortunately the altercation with the blue thingy causes the cargo and the stripper ship to crash into each other and the cargo begins to leak. The crew are contaminated with a mysterious virus.
Stanley returns to the LEXX Bridge and notices a transmission of the blue movie from the aptly named ‘Stripper’ ship (a ‘Stripper Ship’ in this case refers to a ship transporting waste). He asks the LEXX if it managed to get the direction of the transmission. LEXX replies “Yes Stan“. In desperation, Stanley urges the LEXX to head for the source of the transmission.
The huge LEXX heads off and, completely disregarding the plight of the Stripper crew, decides to make a snack of them! Cargo and all!
Inside LEXX’s tummy, the cargo’s hazardous waste leaks and the big bug gets a tummy upset. LEXX expels the toxins in his tummy with an enormous technicolor yawn.
The stripper crew just managed to escape their stricken ship in time and they make their way through the LEXX in search of…. erm…. something.
The LEXX arrives at the co-ordinates and Stanley ponders why there is no planet full of writhing young women desperate for his attention. Xev joins him on the bridge, she has decided that Kai won’t satisfy her needs and therefore the only alternative is …… Stanley!!!
“Stan, I’m ready.” She says. “…. Look, I can’t hold out any longer. Take me before I change my mind.”
Stanley’s looks understandably sceptical. “Don’t toy with me Xev. I can’t take it.”
Xev walks over to him, grasps his hand and places them on her erm…. erm…. bosoms (!!!), “Can you take this?” She says. It has to be said that Xev demonstrated a certain air of confidence with this action.
“Erm…erm…. yes….. , ” says Stanley, not quite believing his good fortune, “Oh Xev, we’re gonna rock the heavens, you wont regret this.“ {Hey!, that’s my line!}
But Xev already regrets it. She tells Stanley to shut up and kiss her, then she throws him to the ground. The three Stripper crew enter the room at this point (you just knew they would be interrupted!). Just as clothes start to be undone, one of the Stripper crew asks, “Erm… Ma’am . Any chance of me getting some of that!?”
When Kai, Xev and Stanley invite the crewmembers for something to eat, Kai attempts to find out what they were carrying. Xev is far too concerned with the fresh meat (in the form of the two male Stripper crew). She soon entices them to join her for some heavy petting. Poor Stanley was told to get lost – Stanley is man-handled out of the room and contracts ‘IT’ when he touched one of the crew. We learn that the virus can be transmitted through the skin. 
Xev retires and invites the captain to join her. They recline on the bed and begin foreplay when suddenly the captain grabs his crotch and realises that he is erm… a… a…. woman! The other crewmember, hiding in the corner also grabs at his crotch and confirms with a scream that he is also of the feminine persuasion.
Then, well…. there’s a whole lodda crotch feelin’ goin on! Stanley learns that he is a woman, Lorka becomes quite a pushy geezer (AND she fancies Stan!) and Xev has a good feel and learns of her gender change. Kai and 790 are safe, but even the LEXX suffers at the hands of the gender-changing organic virus! The usual formula comedy follows where each of the characters take on some obvious and not necessarily accurate characteristics of the opposite sex. The high points were the dialogue form 790 when he is surprised at Xev’s transformation, “Xev, darling…. Sir!” and when the LEXX asks Kai “Do you find me attractive?” to which Kai kindly replied, “yes”.
The scene that got us all going however, was when the male Xev forces himself on the wonderfully effeminate Stanley and erm…. takes him….. erm… her.
Basically Stanley and Xev make love – But it’s not love as we know it (Jim). I mean, did any of you consider what it would be like to make love to your partner having changed erm…. bits! I know I did – and pretty sick I felt too! I did however speak to a couple of girls about it (you can imagine the conversation – hey guys, try that as your next chattup line!) they actually seemed quite intrigued by the idea.
Anyway, after Xev has had his wicked way with the shy and retiring Stanley, they meet up with Kai and 790. 790 calls Stanley a slut! But the sober Kai tells them that he has performed an analysis of the virus and that it will kill those it has contaminated within 60 hours! Xev mentions that she rather likes being a man, but she would prefer to be a live one!
Then suddenly, the whole of the interior of the LEXX is immersed in a light blue gas. It has the immediate effect of changing everyone back to their original gender. Stanley is ecstatic while Xev is bemused and a little sheepish.
The Stripper crew, in another area of the LEXX, all express relief that their bits are back. However, their elation is quickly curtailed when some fat ugly geezer appears and says, “Darling’s, the funnin’s just begunnin.”
The scene quickly changes and we hear some screaming from the Stripper crew. I assume that they have been either killed or possibly eaten …. well something bad anyway.
Later, Xev, 790, Kai and Stanley are told by LEXX that the Stripper crew cannot be located (perhaps it was Lyekka who fancied a snack). Xev is keen to find out if she is still a virgin or not. Kai tells her with some VERY implausible explanation that she is still a virgin! Why should she be so concerned! For goodness sake, she’s a sex slave! Surely she should be as concerned as a brain surgeon that doesn’t know what a brain looks like!
Then, the LEXX receives a transmission from two drop dead gorgeous women. They are from a planet that is bereft of males and desperately in need of some men to spread their seed and basically have a lot of fun. Stanley immediately decides that this is one transmission they will NOT investigate.
Of course it turns out to be true. And the show ends with the sad, ignored but nice-looking ladies in bikinis – a bit predictable really.
Because of the superb production and direction and acting talents displayed in this episode, I’d have to rate this a horny 39,129 out of 10.
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This episode review is © 1999 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission
The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.
