LEXX: S02E11: Nook
This episode wasn’t quite as exciting as some of the others, it had a very tight story-line, reminding me of both the Simpsons and the film “The Name of the Rose” (with Sean Connery). However, this episode will mostly be remembered as the show in which Xev finally lost her virginity! (Hmm. I guess with a name like Nook, what else could we expect!)
The episode begins with the LEXX approaching a planet totally covered by water except for a tiny inhabited island. As the LEXX does a rather cool fly-past, a group of dowdy looking geezers look up in awe. onboard Xev and Stanley argue about whether they should pay the little island a visit. Xev is keen; she’s getting desperate for some ‘skin’. Stanley is more sceptical (as usual). After their recent sex-ploits, he feels that the trip could be dangerous.
Kai looks on dispassionately. They must have woke him up as they approached the planet – best not to take any chances. Xev moves closely to Stan and whispers in her huskiest voice that she will make love to him if she ‘can’t get no satisfaction’ on the planet. He considers this briefly before agreeing.
.They all take a Moth transport to the surface and are greeted by a rather dowdy looking bunch of blokes who look like casually dressed monks. The chief dowdy geezer looks at the approaching LEXX crew and exclaims that they are all men (??!!). Xev, clearly not hearing the unintentional insult to her femininity, looks VERY pleased with the large selection of male flesh in front of her, she smiles expectantly.
One of the dowdy geezers looks excitedly at Xev and asks, “What’s that?” The chief silences him and questions Stanley, “Are you apparitions, or are you real?”
Stanley gives him a toothy smile and says, “I’m real.” He puts out his hand in the accepted gesture of friendship, but the chief backs away. They are interested in the visitors but they are also frightened.
Stanley tries to explain that they are simply here to “check the place out.” He asks if they have any beeches or more importantly girls. This is a daft question, even for Stanley. He simply has to look around. The population is all male, dressed in sackcloth and live in wood huts! It’s hardly the place you would go for a rowdy night out on the town. By the appearance of these blokes, the female population could probably be found baah’ing in the fields.
The head geezer introduces himself; “I am brother Randor, Welcome to Nook.” Stanley looks at him with a resigned expression. He is convinced I think, that Nook is NOT the abbreviation for Nooky – well, not the preferred kind anyway!
The crew are welcomed into the great hall, where they are given food and water. As they eat, the rest of the congregation look at Zev. They have clearly never seen a woman before, but are nevertheless intrigued by her large erm… pectoral muscles and rather full lips.
Randor asks Kai what his handy wrist gadget is used for. Kai replies dispassionately, that it was invented for the sole purpose of killing people. 
As you might expect, there was a brief muted silence at this point (the dead guy sometimes demonstrates the social skills of chewing tobacco) but Kai demonstrates the handy killing gadget by throwing some bread into the air and firing at it.
The bread falls into his hand split neatly in half. The assembled Nookians are impressed by Kai’s breaking-the-bread trick and mutter appreciatively to themselves.
Kai discusses Randor’s perception of Xev. He points out that Xev is a woman, but Randor nervously looks at the dead assassin and says, “Woman, what type of man is that?” Good answer! Kai answers that Xev is the type of man that they do not seem to have on Nook.
The Nookians live a simple existence growing their own food and amusing themselves with various simple pastimes like….. erm… well, actually, they don’t seem to have any pastimes. They have a library, but no-one can read! (Except Randor), they eat really crappy plain food and worst of all there are no women! (What sort of hell is this?)
Kai challenges Randor. He says that Nookians must have been born, each man must have had a mother. (I mean… like….. nooky must have taken place… ya know!) Apparently Father Nook created each man. Kai tells him that their existence is unnatural. That’s a bit rich coming from a 2000-year-old dead geezer that can only survive on synthetic blood! Randor later explains how each member of the community is grown from a bunch of ‘cells’ that were brought to the planet when it was first inhabited.
Stanley is having a massage by a mildly affectionate Nookian called Brother Traygor (Stanley pronounces his name as Trigger – I think I prefer Trigger). He inquires what they do to have fun. The masseur tells him of the Summer Solstice. A night where the rules that govern the orderly existence of the Nookians are allowed to be broken, a night of much partying and frivolity. “It is truly the night of brotherly love.” Stanley becomes slightly uncomfortable.
Xev meanwhile, is like a cat on a hot tin roof. All she can see are lots of male members walking around in loose fitting clothing. one or two (or twenty) catch her eye. She attempts to encourage foreplay with some of them at but something always diverts her, or Randor intervenes before any heavy petting begins.
She decides to have a massage to relax. This scene was just wonderful! Xev lies half-naked on a bench. Around her there are other Nookians lying on similar benches also being massaged. Most sneak glimpses of Xev. She groans with a slight discomfort as the masseurs large hands kneed her flesh, she writhes tentatively as her hot slightly sweating skin is deeply, expertly manipulated. Her discomfort gradually turns to pleasure as her soft body is pushed hard against the bench with the strong rhythmic movements of the masseur. She breathes deeply; her groans become louder, more passionate, pleading.
The men on the adjacent benches notice her excitement and each begin to experience the same. Xev’s body is, by now, gently undulating on the bench gradually working the strong caress of the masseur. Her voice becomes deeper, her groans of pleasure sound in rhythm to the movements of her body. Each sinew of muscle tenses and relaxes with power and pleasure – all this, exacerbated by the willing excitement of her male companions all around.
The pulsating pleasure whips up a frenzy of sexual energy, Xev wriggles on the
hardness of the wood below, her hips raise and lower to louder and louder groans of excitement. Her male partners writhe on the benches, throbbing with desire….. Until…. until… a gong sounds and they all go off to say prayers! WHAT! Waddan anticlimax! A disappointed Xev is left alone to erm… massage herself.
The night before the Summer Solstice festivities, Brother Trigger enters Stanley’s room and confesses that he wants Stanley to …. pull his trigger. Stanley, realising that the poor geezer is sensitive and sincere, tries to explain that he prefers women – a concept completely lost on the unfortunate Trigger. The brother assumes that this is rejection and tells Stanley that he will wait for him near the gates. “If you do not want me, my life is over.” The whole scene was very well put together but tended to leave SadGeezers with a considerable sense of discomfort, probably intentional.
Kai was alone in his cell when suddenly he passes out! Earlier, when discussing the finer points of Nookian social philosophy, Randor slipped an enzyme into Kai’s protoblood tube while examining it. The enzyme later takes effect and renders Kai unconscious. Someone, we didn’t see who, comes into his room and steels his handy wrist gadget.
Stanley meanwhile feels responsible for Triggers anxiety and goes off to try and calm the guy down. Trigger is killed by the Brother that stole Kai’s deadly weapon (the handy wrist gadget that is) before Stanley gets there. Stan discovers the body and runs off, but not without being seen by a number of Nookians.
Next day, Randor accuses all the LEXX crew of murder. He tells the brothers that the night of ‘no rules’ must be cancelled so that they should focus their attention on what has happened. He is overruled by the other brothers. They want their night of fun and, they most certainly do not want change.
Later that night Xev manages to catch one or four of the brothers and she finally looses her virginity. (We weren’t allowed to watch!). Kai meanwhile is investigating the death of Trigger. He comes to the conclusion that it must have been Randor that killed the hapless Brother and when he catches up with the chief Nookian, he finds that Randor has begun an irreversible process to destroy Nook and all it’s inhabitants.
The first settlers to Nook brought with them a great technology, which they determined to ignore, preferring instead to live off the land. They wanted to create “A world without women.” Says Randor. “A planet of perfect harmony and equality. Free of the never ending conflict that naturally goes with the competition of sexual reproduction.” (WHAT! This guy is nuts! That’s what makes life interesting! Without women we’d all turn into a bunch of gay monks living in wood huts and … and …. erm…). He has used the old technology to program a destructive device which will blow up the planet at sunrise.
Kai leaves to find the others. He sees an excited Xev, “Kai, I finally did it. I’ve experienced physical man-love and the pure uncomplicated satisfaction of it!” {66kb wav file} It can’t have been very good. That phrase was far too articulate, especially for Xev. (Hell, after a wild night of passion, it’s all I can do to grunt and shout ‘get off!’) Kai insists that they leave right now. A frustrated Stanley joins them, he agrees with Kai.
They leave just as the sun starts to rise. on the bridge of the LEXX, Stanley, Kai, Xev and 790 watch the planet explode as Kai said it would. KABOOM! Stanley is upset. He tells Xev that next time, she should listen to him. I don’t see why – those geezers were put out of their misery as far as I’m concerned.
And there the show ended. It was a cracker I reckon and directed by the guy who normally works on the production of the LEXX shows, Bill Fleming.
I’d have to rate this episode a mere 31,989 out of 10.
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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
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