LEXX: S02E19: Brizon
Another terrific episode! The LEXX saga is now REALLY hotting up. This show was very nasty indeed and in sharp contrast to the ‘niceness’ of Brigadoom.
It opens with millions of Mantrid Drones descending on a planet with what seems like only two inhabitants. one of these is a decrepit geezer called Brizon, the other is the poor soul who is keeping Brizon alive.
Brizon rises and un-hooks himself from his unfortunate companion, a person how has a contraption plugged into him.
This contraption, I think, is used to suck something out of his body that is processed (in what looks strangely like a Mantrid Pickle Jar) and then is transferred into Brizon.
Brizon then walks back to his companion and unhooks himself. He leans forward and says, “Thankyou” to the unfortunate individual, (who did not, I might add, say, “your welcome.”). Brizon manages to escape the destruction of his planet and picks up a plea from Stanley who is sending out a message throughout the Light Zone, for help in defeating Mantrid.
The two ships meet up and Brizon is welcomed onboard LEXX. Brizon promptly faints! He is very weak, but Xev volunteers to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation (eeeew, wretchfest maximus!) Brizon recovers and clasps Xev’s head prolonging the kiss. I bet the ugly old geezer even tried to use his tongue! Xev naturally recoils as Brizon grunts with a sleazy smile, “there is a heaven.”
He rises and fiddles with some tubes – some gurgling fluid is passed and Xev and Stanley pull look on with disgust and they watch Brizon as he ‘relieves himself’ He tells Kai, Zev, 790 and Stanley that he can defeat Mantrid as Brizon was once the Supreme Bio-vizier to the Divine Order (retired) and Mantrid was his understudy.
Brizon remembers Mantrid as an excellent student, a good imitator but incapable of original thought. Kai explains the story of Mantrid and how his essence was transferred to Mantrid’s ship. Brizon explains that Mantrid’s ship was copied and that he knows how to disable it.
Brizon must dine first and the LEXX crew take him to the galley where he sucks up some green mush through his tubes. This geezers toilet and eating habits do not endear him to the crew of the LEXX. Unfortunately for them, Brizon’s disgusting habits are the least of their problems.
Brizon agrees to help them, but he needs a Mantrid Drone arm first. He explains, “All the drones report their activities back to Mantrid in the form of data. If we can successfully capture a working one. I can corrupt it’s data stream and replace it with a special command. Since Mantrid’s machine is my design, it will respond to a special command code from me. It will shut down when I instruct it to shut down.”
Stanley and Kai go to get a working Mantrid Drone. The sleazball, Brizon, tricks Xev into giving him her finger which he promptly sucks! Xev quickly withdraws while Brizon licks his lips. (For a sleazball, this guy sure is kinky!).
Stanley and Kai return with a Mantrid Drone arm. But Brizon explains that if he is to help them. He needs Xev to provide some of her life essence to sustain his life. Xev reluctantly agrees when Kai is incapacitated by a small gadget on Brizon’s finger. He then inserts a large needle into her liver.
The needle is attached Brizon’s ‘pickle jar’. As it begins to suck out parts of Xev, Stanley is restrained by Kai, (who is now under the complete command of Brizon). As soon as the process is complete, he uses his handy ring gadget on the captured Mantrid Drone and it is immediately incapacitated. They all look at the Drone Cloud outside the LEXX as gradually, it too ceases to function. Presumably, throughout the universe, all the Mantrid Drones have stopped working.
Stanley is instructed to fly the LEXX to where they all expect Mantrid to be. Non of the LEXX crew are jubilant about the imminent destruction of Mantrid. Brizon now has complete control and he clearly has designs on taking Mantrid’s place. Using Xev to keep him alive, Kai as his henchman and Stanley as a stooge used only to instruct the LEXX, Brizon is a nasty individual indeed.
To make things even worse, he decides to have sex with Xev. This wont be a normal bonk! The sleazy geezer is too week and cannot ‘get it up!’ So he intends to use Stanley’s working parts instead! (Now THIS will be interesting!). Brizon is just about to insert a rather obtrusive looking gadget into Stanley’s groin, when 790 exclaims that he has found Mantrid’s ship.
The entertainment is suspended as they all return to the bridge. What follows is the most excellent ‘exchange’ between two geezers that I’ve ever heard on a sci fi show. Truly the LEXX saga is innovative, silly and completely bonkers ….. As you read the following, try and imagine this as banter between Captain Jean Luke Pickard and ‘Q’ on Star Trek NG (it sure made me giggle!)
Brizon looks up at the screen, “I’ve defeated you, I’ve humiliated you, you’re at my mercy now Bio-fraud! … Come on Mantrid, let’s see you, show us your ugly face!”
Mantrid appears on the screen, “Brizon!” it exclaims.
“Who else.” Replies Brizon. “You self-loving pretender!”
“Who else indeed!” says Mantrid. “Are you here to worship me, kneel before my achievement?” It adds confidently, but with a certain air of pre-occupation.
“Gaze into the eyes of Brizon and know that you were always second best!” Exclaims Brizon.
Mantrid is mildly upset by this, “SECOND BEST! You deluded flatulent farce!” he says warming to the confrontation, “you should have been grateful to have crawled behind me and suckled my shit!” (Wadda great line, if I didn’t know better, I’d have guessed that these two were married!)
“My accomplishments exceeded yours at every turn, you stole what you are from me!” replies Brizon.
“I stole nothing,” smiles Mantrid, “I created all.”
“I am, I am the greatest repository for man’s intellect!” Brizon informs, “The supreme sorcerer in nature, the ultimate …..”
“Haha,” Interrupts Mantrid, “Lumbering interloper, I am the greatest Bio-vizier of all time and all that will ever be!”
“You my friend, are the collected sewage of ten billion dynasties… Your legacy has been flushed….”
Xev watches the confrontation rather like a tennis match at Wimbledon. Mantrid is winning marginally, 30-15.
But then Mantrid serves an ace! “You are a leaking boil on the anus of a cancerous rodent squeaking from a damp corner of oblivion!” (Wow!).
Then they exchange short and less well constructed insults to each other, “Yesbag” says Brizon meekly.
“Batshit….” And so on.
They continue the banter until Brizon holds up his ‘handy ring gadget’. Mantrid, sensing that he is suddenly on the loosing side, changes his attitude, “Brizon,” he smiles, “Dear colleague, lets start dialogue!”
Brizon takes Xev (his sustainer of life) to Mantrid’s ship where he intends to destroy Mantrid personally. Unfortunately for Brizon, Mantrid was not incapacitated after all, Mantrid’s whole ship was fabricated to lure and destroy Brizon. Mantrid’s dastardly plan had worked and Brizon is destroyed by lots of little arms while Xev escapes. Kai is released from Brizon’s control.
Later a cloud of Mantrid Drone arms assemble to form the face of Mantrid outside the LEXX. It tells the crew of it’s plan to trap the old enemy Brizon. Kai is not really interested and asks if Mantrid really needs to destroy everything.
“But you are trying to reason with me.” Replies Mantrid, “…. I am enjoying the game and it will end when you, the last of the Brunnen G is the last to be destroyed in this universe. You do not have long to wait, our game is almost at it’s end.”
The show ends as Kai extracts the remnants of Brizon’s needle from Xev, Stanley asks, “So, what now?”
There is no answer.
Wadda Whopper! I have to rate this episode a hot 42,747 out of 10. What did you think?
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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
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