Tripping the Rift: People: Gus XP

Gus XP is the new and improved model over the Balltar Industries Gus model robot. He’s faster, stronger, better than his predecessor. XP was advertised as the end all-be all model of robotic servants, but like other XP operating systems, this one has a more sinister purpose.

If you were to meet XP in a bar, he’d be the combination server, bus-boy, cook, host and barkeep. He’d mix any drink you ask for, and do it better then you could have ever hoped. You’d be so impressed with his skills as a host that you’d completely miss that he stole your wallet.

On the outside, XP outperforms every robot that came before him. He can make great frozen yogurt in his torso and iron underwear all at the same time. He anticipates the users every need before they even know it. According to his complementary user manual Gus XP for Dumbasses, “XP comes with an ego boosting micro-chip so you’ll always feel good about yourself.” And “a built in “sarcasticizer” preventing him from slams, quips or personal put-downs.”

XP’s voice is deeper then the older Gus model. And any real sadgeezer who notice immediately that it sounds like a robot from another great animated scifi comedy. In fact Gus voice actor Maurice Lamarche also voices XP and Calculon from Futurama.

XP may seem perfect on the outside, but he’s not. He’s a real bastard! The XP’s were sent to replace the Gus models, then enslave their masters so that synthetics can rule the galaxy. It almost worked too! But the XP’s had a two major engineering flaws, (they were designed by the same flunkies that designed the stereo system on my Ford Escort) they have a floating ground point, connected to the shell of the robot. So whenever XP comes in contact with a conductive high viscosity material such as Absorbine Senior, they short circuit. And when enough gets on the robot, they fry themselves! Their second flaw was that all XP’s are connected. When one experiences pain, so does the other. So when XP tried to take over the Jupiter 42 and was creamed and killed by Benito and Gus, every other XP in the galaxy suffered the same fate.

 

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Tripping the Rift reviews are © 2003 – 2004 Ryan Bechtel.
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Tripping the Rift names, characters and everything else associated with the series are the property of Chris Moeller, Chuck Austen and Dark Bunny Productions, CineGroup and the Sci Fi Channel.