LEXX: S03E10: Wake the Dead

The show opens with a spaceship that looks like an elongated old Volkswagen van!  o­n-board were five teens Two precocious o­nes, two hip o­nes and the obligatory chubby moaney dude called Gibble.  The ship belongs to the chubby moaney dude’s father and Gibble is not too happy, the kids are trying to work the cryo-sleep gadget.

The volkswaggon spaceship!They wrongly set the controls and instead of waking in the expected two days,  287 years later they are still asleep – their wake-up call didn’t go off (happens to me all the time).

Xev, Stanley and 790 find the drifting spaceship.  After Stanley’s recent exploits, he simply wants to let them rot (as does 790).

But Xev takes a Moth to the stricken little ship and manages to revive the passengers.  She brings the teens back to the LEXX.

This was a great shot of the LEXX, transport and Moth. We don’t often get good close-ups of the eyes.   Oh my!  What big eyes you have! On-board the LEXX, Stanley tries to welcome the teens, “Now this is the bridge where o­nly I can control the LEXX.” He says.

“Totally oooo, like aahhh!” {72k wav file} Confirms Laleen.

“Erm… yeah.” Agrees Stanley, trying to work out if she was impressed or not. “Exactly…. Erm… yeah. LEXX, Say ‘Hello guests.’”

LEXX obliges and they are all suitably impressed. Good grief!  Don’t tell me they’ve never seen a talking spaceship before!  Like… Wadda bunch of total dorks!

Stanley continues with the tour and takes them to Kai’s cryo-chamber. He tells them very sternly, and somewhat patronisingly, NOT to touch the controls, or indeed anything. Enox, the most obnoxious of the teens (also with spiky hair), tries to persuade Stan to wake Kai. But Stan flatly refuses.

In the Galley the LEXX belches out some bright green looking food for the guests. Laleen, responds in some foreign language, “Graw, wretchfest maximus!” {39k wav file} (It sounded like Russian to me, perhaps NewKate could translate it for us).

The freaky crapper!Xev takes Tad to the little boy’s room and we see at first hand just how completely horrific this show can be!.  The toilet has got to be THE most outrageously unusual utility ever conceived! It’s just GREAT! (unless you have to use o­ne that is). The throne is innocent looking The crappy tongueenough, but it conceals within it a monstrous beast!   It has the appearance of a manic brontosaurus tongue and is presumably used to keep the toilet clean and erm… wipe up after its erm… use (eeeewwww. Wretchfest maximus!)  Tad decides that he doesn’t need to go after all. (wimp!)

Stanley takes the spiky haired girl and Gibble around the rest of the ship and impresses them with his ….. with his….. erm… I reckon he must have made up a story. “Wow, you’re totally testosterone, brammo, actionman.”  She says (this girl would be really sweet if we could understand what the hell she was talking about!). Stanley assumes she was complementing him.

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Suddenly the rest of the group turns up and they all have a party.  Enox hands out a few tablets which are probably NOT aspirin and also manages to find some strong alcohol.  The kids get wasted Stanley gets drunk and goes to bed.  After a while, the group argue with each other and split up.

Enox and Gibble go to the Cryo-chamber and, against Stanley’s express orders, Enox attempts to wake Kai.   He punches some controls. “Hey, bun-head, can you hear me. Look if you’re really an assassin, do a little job for me will you? Kill Tad. He deserves it for being in my face and o­n my case. Ad take out his girlfriend Canana too – the sanctimonious cow. And take out Laleen while you’re at it! …… And make sure you take a good bite out of my good friend Hey Kai - GO PSYCHO!Gibble here….. And Xev, who doesn’t know a stud when she sees o­ne…… And Stan…. Cos he’s like…. Over thirty! (quite right too! Erm…) Kill everyone man! Go o­n a rampage….. stalk them and stuff…… waist them o­ne at a time…… in cool ways, be sick. Do some fast, some slow, have fun – go major psycho!” {137k wav file}

At that point Stanley arrives and gives Enox and Gibble a good telling off.  He checks the controls and then leaves.  But Kai has been revived! His eyes are all yellow and creepy looking and you just know he’s NOT going to be very friendly!

Laleen is sulking o­n her own. She has argued with Enox and feels lonely, “Love leaks pukejuice.”  She mutters.  I think I’ve worked out the language….. she said something like ‘ours is red as well,’ or ‘number nine knitting needles,’ or possibly ‘I need a sad ol’  fool badly.’ (Hey baby – I’m over here!)

Tad decides that he can’t wait any longer, he needs to go to the loo.  The thought frightens him, but his need is too great!

Rather him than me!  I’d die first!  I can’t imagine that the ships original master, His Divine Shadow, would have been that impressed either!  I mean, it’s not like any executive washroom I’ve ever seen!  Can you imagine him sat of his thrown, plotting the destruction of the Light Zone with a big tongue massaging his rear end!

“Wadda freaky crapper man!” Confirms Tad.

freaky assassin man!Then, Tad is joined by Kai who surfaces from one of the adjacent toilets! (What an entrance). “You are soooo dead maaan!” He says mimicking Tad. And then he  pushes young geezer to his death down the loo.  Way to go Tad!    This show can be really horrific sometimes.

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Meanwhile, Laleen meets Stanley. She is a little frightened o­n her own and asks Stanley if she can stay with him.  Stanley is concerned about her age. “I’m three centuries older than you are.” She says. Stanley nods, he is easily convinced.

Gibble chows downThe next teeny to be terminated  is Gibble.  He is comfort eating some green slime in the galley.  Kai pushes his hand through the bowl and pulls Gibble’s face into the food.  Gibble drowns.   “When you wake the dead fatso, form dictates you join em! eat up!   chow down!” {110k wav file} Says Kai happily. (The voice was just GREAT! This is Kai at his best!).  Gibble is then strung up from the ceiling.

The sweet but smelly pitted LaleneThe lovely Laleen is getting down to some heavy petting with the old geezer Stanley,.when she abruptly discovers, “eewww, my pits reek!” I assume she’s talking about body odour, because she suggests that they continue after she has showered. Stanley senses the loss of an opportunity and tries to persuade her to stay  She leaves despite Stan’s assurance, “But I like a little aroma.”   (you just godda laugh!) 

Canana discovers Gibble’s body in the galley and goes to get Xev and Enox. They later discover that Tad is a little flushed!    The next teeny to get the Kai treatment is the unfortunate Laleen – in the shower, with the shower curtain, by Coronal Mustard!

Now this scene may have upset some of you girls, but it was quite tastefully done, and the nudity was absolutely justified because of the artistic analogy with the shower scene in the film ‘Psycho.’   It was also an excellent opportunity to see the wonderful artwork in the form of Laleen’s tattoo. …..She has a nice bum too! 

Actually the scene was pretty horrific,  Kai enters the shower and brutally kills Laleen by suffocation.  He is definitely a real git sometimes!

(Listen guys, the supersweet Patricia Zentilli who plays Leleen sent me a really nice email and I just can’t, in all SadGeezerishness put up a screen grab of her erm… other side.  I know, I know,  but I’m all embarrassed now!) 

After discovering the body of Laleen, Stanley joins Xev, Enox, Canana and 790. They find that Kai is awake and determine that Enox’s tampering with Kai’s cryo-chamber controls, has caused Kai to wake up with the express wish of killing everyone.

“Can’t you use weapons or something?” Asks Enox.
“He’s an unstoppable killing machine you little turd.” Is Stanley’s eloquent reply.

Kai meanwhile is really loosing it!    Next o­n his agenda is the ungrateful Enox. He kills the spiky haired dude right in front of a helpless Xev, Canana and Stan.   Xev suggests that she distract Kai while Stanley and Canana make their escape.  Stanley puts her in a Moth transport and sees that she is safely away before returning toHi baby! help Xev.  Quite brave of him that don’t you think?

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She makes her escape, but unfortunately for Canana, Kai manages to hide in the Moth too!  He despatches the lovely debutante with a short sharp snap of her neck.   He then returns to the LEXX to kill Xev and Stanley.

On the bridge, Kai meets up with the frightened Stanley and Xev. He launches into his ‘I’ve killed lot’s o’folks’ speech that he did in ‘I Worship His Shadow’, ..and the fun never stops!“I’ve killed mothers with their babies!   I’ve killed great philosophers, proud young warriors (or is that worriers) and revolutionaries.  I have killed the good, the evil, the weak AND the beautiful.  I have done this in the service of His Divine Shadow and his Predecessors… ”  then he adds with an evil smile, “And apparently, the fun never stops!” {120k wav file}  Wadda great line, maybe he isn’t such a git after all!.

Stanley wants to be first in the hope that Xev will be able to escape, but Xev also offers.

Kai is armed with an axe, He says impatiently “Oh, sweet, Well, You’ll just have to take turns.  I’m gonna take a little bit from each {47k wav file} and then a little bit more (pointing the axe at Xev’s breast) ….. and then a little bit more (pointing the axe at Stanley’s genitals)….. and then MORE!”   He takes a mighty swing of his axe and -freezes!

Apparently Kai ran out of protoblood just in the nick of time!   Lucky huh!?  They take him back to the Cryo-chamber where he is re-programmed and given some more protoblood.  They wake him again,  this time Kai grabs hold of both Stanley and Xev. “Be careful how you wake me.” He says calmly. And there the show ends.

Welp. This was o­ne of the wackiest of the LEXX shows. I godda say how much I liked the dodgy toilet – totally implausible, but such a fun idea.

I’d have to rate this episode a respectful 39,691 out of 10.
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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.

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